to all parents that have an 18 year old doughter ???

Question

yes my 18 year old graduated for highschool and thinks that cuz she is 18 she could do anything she wants, I saw a hicky on her neck I was shocked to see that , and she says so what she's 18 , but I told her that thing like that make her look cheap
and trashy and to act like a lady,, now she is mad at me what should I do?????? hickys don't look nice at all ,,,,

Answer 1

Well, first off, you need to cut the apron strings. She is an adult, she can make her own decisions. No, you are not going to agree with all of those decisions. What you need to do is sit down and have a --rational-- conversation with her. Not yelling. And explain to her why you think it's in her best interest to change her behavior a little bit. And when she voices an opinion --you listen to her--. Do not automatically discount it and say she's being stupid or whatever. All you can do is guide her. You've had her for 18 years, now it's time to let her make some mistakes and learn.

Answer 2

I agree hickys do look trashy and cheap, but she is 18, which means technically she is an adult. It's not really your place to tell her that it looks cheap either. Right now she is just excited because she is 18 and she is just going through a phase. things will get better. Don't worry so much about hickys. She is going to do what she is going to do.

Answer 3

2 things-first of all you have to respect her space, at least she is still living at home and you have some say over what she does. Get on her to much and she will walk never to be seen again.

Second, talk, don't yell, don't opinionate. She really doesn't want to hear it. One thing I learned with my kids was never to act shocked, the minute you do is the minute they stop sharing and talking to you. And then you don't have a clue what is going on.

Maybe you could have handled it more like, Is that a hickey? I have a met the young man yet? No seriously honey a hickey? I don't know its kind of like, oh I don't know-not nice. I always thought of you as such a smart, responsible person, the hickey doesn't fit in with that image. If she yells and screams she's 18, say I know you are, and I know you were raised to make right decisions. All I ask is that next time you think it thru a little better.

Answer 4

No-one makes it through their teenage years without getting a hicky, it's really not that big a deal. I do agree they hickies are immature and look cheap and trashy. Your daughter is 18 but you could pull the if you want to live under my roof thing.

Answer 5

My daughter is 23, but close enuf - I've been thru this too.

You basically waged war by calling her cheap and unladylike. You might not have meant it that way, but that is how she took it. Think back to when you were at her maturity level and how those words would have sounded to you.

At some point when things have settled down, find a way for the two of you to discuss this. Maybe find a way to ask her opinion of what she thinks is beautiful and classy, and what she deems cheap or trashy in young women her age.

You have to learn to converse with your daughter or you could lose her. It's so hard to put our anger and fear on the back burner and speak rather than rant and accuse, but if you want to build a lifetime relationship with her, you have to start. After all, you are the adult and need to learn to not just react. After all, she might have let you see the marks to start a conversation, not a battle.

It's very hard to realize your child is becoming sexually active, but its gonna happen - she's a young woman. All you can do is try to help.

And if all else fails, show her how to cover the marks with a good makeup job! Heck, mom, didn't you ever have to cover one?

Answer 6

You should tell her that just because she CAN do something, doesnt mean she should...and that hickys are just not cool, shes 18, not 14. Then you should tell her that the better she lives her life the more likely you will be to buy her stuff. I wish my mum had given me that one...and you could tell her that having a hicky on her neck will look like shes trying to get attention, and its not good attention and that it will make her appear small minded. and if you really wanted to you could tell her that if shes gonna get a hicky, to get it somewhere not visible....if you wanted to....my mom told me I looked trashy cause I wore to much eye makeup and it didnt make me want to wear less, it just made me feel stupid and pretty bad. And you could just suggest she cover it up with makeup.

Answer 7

18 is only a number, you are grown when you pay your own bills, have your own place, and do what you want under your own roof. Make the little heffa get a job, go to school, or join the millitary. You got to tell her that your are still the parent and show her what you are not going to tolerate. It's all a respect thing and that should have been established around 18 months.

Answer 8

♥ At 18 your daughter is technically an adult now and can do whatever she wants. You may not want to see hickeys on her neck [[and they may seem distasteful to you, but come one havent you ever had one?]] Just because she has a hickey doesnt mean that she is out having wild sex and partying everynight. It could have been an intimate moment with her boyfriend that got a little outta control.... I mean if thats the only thing you have to worry about then I'd be praising the lord.... Look at all these much younger teenagers who got pregnant at 14-16... luckily yours didn't. Now that she is an adult let her be and adult and take the adult consequences... time to let go [[but still be her mommy]].

Answer 9

I would have never pulled that 'I'm 18 and I can do whatever I want" crap because I knew my parents would throw me out of the house. For some reason, your daughter has not grasped the concept of "You live under my roof", and does not seem to think that your rules apply even though she survives off of your dime.

This may not be the hill you want to die on, but she knows you don't want to throw her out of the house. It doesn't matter if she's a legal adult, she has no say unless she pays her own way. Don't let her pull that on you, and don't be afraid kick her out. It will hasten her realization that the world does not revolve around her, the sooner you set boundaries. Work swifly, and don't cave!

Answer 10

well does she still live with you? is she going to college? what's the living situation and such? is she still dependent on you and living with you? if so you simply say, "my house, my rules". If not, get the hell over it. She is 18, she's an adult, it's just a freaking hicky. I don't understand why people overreact over stuff like this at least she didn't get knocked up at 12 like some of these stupid *** little girls you see running around.