Am I too obsessive about my kids?

Question

Each of my kids have unique issues medical, developmental, mental, etc. I talk my questions over with the Dr all the time. Right now, my youngest is in PT/OT/ST 3xs a week. My two older kids are in therapy once/week. I get concerned when teachers, family or friends tell me they think something is wrong.
I think I spend more time at the Dr than most parents b/c my children are different than most kids. Some people seem to think I'm overreacting.
FYI - My youngest (2) has sensory issues and is being tested for developmental disorders and autism. My middle child (7) is diagnosed bipolar and ADHD. My oldest (8) is ADHD, with possible mood disorder and exceptionally intelligent. His teachers have told me they are concerned b/c he is socially immature.

Answer 1

My youngest daught who is 2 1/2 also has OT, PT, and ST each week! She is low tone, kept her hands tightly closed until 16 months, did not sit up til 18 months, and did not walk til over 2 years old, now is not talking so has ST just started. The OT helps her so much!! She also has severe allergies and sinus problems, infections has had 12 in the past 2 years! My 2 older daughters are 5 and 4 and have no problems, and my 5 month old son is fine so far also. Our doctor has stepped back mostly from her care and depends on the First Steps (Zero to three) people for her physical problems mostly, and luckily she has been on Flonase nasal spray and has had no infections in 6 months-yay! But I still call him a lot also. I don't think you are overreacting at all-I am up at night so worried about her-my kids all sleep through the night but I am up anyway with anxiety! If you need to talk about any issues you can e-mail me. I don't think you are too obsessive at all, they are your children and you know them best.** to add: In the October 2007 issue of Reader's Digest there is an article about Bipolar disorder in children.**

Answer 2

It all depends. Do you like the attention you get from the doctor's office? Do you like the sympathy? If not, you're just doing the best for your kids.

It does seem strange that all your kids have significant mental disorders. I have no idea how a 7 year old can be bipolar.

But do NOT listen to other people about your kids!!!! It's going to make you neurotic. They don't know squat. My family talked behind my back that they thought my daughter was autistic, which really made me so angry. She is a little different and is slightly delayed developmentally, but she reaches all her milestones on her own time.

We had her evaluated with a speech therapist because she wasn't speaking on schedule (which everyone thought was the big sign for autism). The speech therapist said she was exceptionally bright, too, and there was no need for concern. She said that it wasn't so much about when they reach specific milestones, but just that they are making reasonable progress.

Also, do not listen to the teachers. I have a lot of friends who teach elementary school, and they're always talking about how SO many of their colleagues tell all the parents their kids seem like they have ADHD, etc, so they end up having a class full of kids on Ritalin, which really makes their job much easier. It's disgusting.

You have to realize that most doctors will diagnose ADHD and corresponding drugs for pretty much any child or adult.

Answer 3

Your children have some really difficult things going on and you sort of HAVE to be very involved with what's going on. If YOU feel the balance has tipped, talk to someone. For youself, a therapist for you to see the whole picture. Another thing that helps is to have a developmental specialist that is a clearing house for every child. So- you would have one doctor that knows the entire family history and who knows every single therapy/ot/etc that each child is going through.
I wanted to ask if your oldest has been evaluated for Asperger's? They are often exceptionally intelligent, socially immature, and sometimes have mood disorders. So, I was wondering if he's been evaluated for a place on the autism spectrum? It may be worth looking in to. The earlier the intervention, the better chance at a truly normal life for Asperger's kids. Good luck and seriously consider support for yourself, too.

Answer 4

Just make sure that you have enough time to do other stuff besides going to the Dr.! (and your Dr's and thrapists should be encouraging you too!!!)

Your kids aren't going to learn to be social inside a Dr's office where very smart adults are communicating with them in the way that they were taught to do in school. It's unrealistic.

Also, don't rule out the benefits of tons of excercise for your ADHD and depressed kids. More and more ADHD kids are excelling at sports like skiing, skateboarding and soccer, for example. They need to do these things inside a controlled environment with enthusiastic and trained adult pros because research is also showing that these kids, if not given the proper environment, are more likely to try extreme sports on the sly and get seriously injured as young adults.

Also, becoming proficient at a cool sport gives boys a sense of confidence and leadership, which will help with the socialization.

Tons of smart kids experience the syptoms that you are explaining. Part of it is because they feel misunderstood and labeled at school. This is hard to change. The teacher has 18 'normal' kids and one that doesn't fit in. He's more challenging in whatever ways and she's not trained to deal with him, ( probably because she's not really interested). The other kids aren't trained either and nobody is really interested in training them. Wouldn't all of this misunderstanding make you moody? You yourself are feeling misunderstood and maybe a little defensive or you wouldn't be posting this question. Your young children don't have the maturity, communication skills, or resources to reach out the way you are. Of course they are moody. So, look into alternative education for them. Either a new school for gifted kids or homeschool them etc.

Also, it's acceptable for some milestones to be reached before others. (annoying sometimes, but very 'normal') Some kids learn to walk when they are 8 months but don't talk until they are 3 yrs. Some kids have massive brain development early but don't have a social group until highschool or college.

And of course keep up the Dr's vists!

Answer 5

I think you are doing what a parent should do in order to get your children proper care. I have a child (11) who has ADHD, anxiety, depression and trichotillomania. I know what you mean about feeling like all of your time is spent at the Dr's office. It is also very difficult for a parent to give everyone equal attention when one condition/child needs more supervision. It is hard for children with medical issues to feel like they belong and maybe that is why the teacher feels your son is socially immature. I felt the same about my daughter, until she made friends with a few girls who interact with her as they would anyone else. Don't stress about the social thing, he will bloom when he is ready. Keep you head up. I commend you for doing your best to make sure your children can get the best from life.

Answer 6

Wow yea back off the doctors a bit. I am sure if you take them to enough doctors your gonna find one a few that wants to load them on medication and with numerous problems they don't have. I have a son who they said was ADD and yea is socially a little immature but hes a boy they mature slower and some a little slower than others he will be fine. I don't I think that is alot for a family to all have and all different things. You need a fourth and fifth opinion somethings not right.

Answer 7

Every child, actually every adult for that matter has some kind of mental disorder.

Most children will grow out of a lot of them, like socially immature that you mentioned.

Why is it so important to label every possible thing that could be wrong, unless it is something that requires immediate medical care, why not let them be who god created them to be.

It seems are you trying to make them "normal" what ever that is, and by that you just might be making things worse. Accept who they are and enjoy them

Answer 8

sounds like you are doing what is best for your kids. When your children have such serious issues its much better to be over involved than under. I mean, should you just ignore the problems and hope thay go away? Or should you be procative and get the best care possible for your kids. Err on the side of caution and cover all your bases! Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

I have a son with a medical problem also. It is natural to worry about your kids, but you sound like me, like your are obsessed with worrying. I take my son to the doctor often. I also took myself to the doctor and explained to him what was going on and the overwhelmed feelings I was having. I think you should see your own doctor and see if he can prescribe you something to help take the edge off of daily stress. It has done wonders for me and I am able to stay focused without freaking out about everything. Your doing a GREAT job with your kids and don't let anyone tell you differently! Just take care of you so that you can continue to care for them!

Answer 10

overreacting is one way to put it. first of all you should probably get another doctors second opinion on the adhd...some doctors just like to hand out medication like candy so they dont have to deal with it. one or both may not even have either. all kids bloom differently...i wouldn't worry as much.