Should kids get spankings.....?

Question

Should kids get spankings? I think that they do. If you repeatedly talk to a child about their behavior. I think that todays kids don't get enough spankings. Somewhere along the way kids thought "If you spank me, I will call Family and Children Services". Family and Children Services are for people that have problems, real problems. I don't call spanking a child for misbehavior, bad grades, smart mouth, not listening and etc abuse. This is called good parenting, not hitting. I think that this is the problem with todays children, not enough disciline and no respect. Tell me what you think.... By the way I am 33 and not 63, therefore I am not stuck back in the old days. What do you think about todays kids?

What I am trying to say is, you try to teach your kids right and be respectful. But sometimes counting to 3 and time out, or the corner just won't cut it. Then maybe it's time for a spanking, don't ya think?

Answer 1

I'm for spanking, but only if it's used correctly. If not, then I'd suggest not spanking.

I'd say there is a HUGE difference between hitting and spanking. When you hit, it's out of anger with intent to injure/harm. When you spank (correctly that is) it's a planed out punishment due to bad behavior. A true spanking is done by a parent in privet, to their child who is in clear understanding that they have broken the rules. The parent is in no way happy about having to spank, but knows it needs to be done. The spanking happens only after a talk about the rules, and a explanation of which rule they broke.

As for the spanking it's self - Always done on the bottom, in our home it's a bare bottom. Also a spanking is never hard enough to leave permanent marks like bruises (a red bottom is expected, as long as it goes away with in the hour).

Afterwords, and the child has calmed down, there needs to be a positive uplifting talk about how you love them, and "know they can do much better!"

This is not to say parents don't spank in a fit of rage. I think to many parents do, but personally i think that is WRONG. Like I said, if you use spanking as I stated above, it's out of love, not anger or hate.

The decision to spank or not is clearly up to your family.

Just a few things I've learned in parenting our girls (4, 8, and 10)

Answer 2

Yes, and let me also specify that there is a difference between spanking, and beating. The studies that came out on spanking in the 1980's did not differentiate between spanking with an open hand/paddle/whatever, and actually hitting with a closed fist, which is abusive. Thus, the study that started the anti-spanking revolution was flawed.

I am a firm believer in children fearing their parents, and their authority figures. You are not terrorizing a child when you teach them with a spanking. I worked with too many high school drop-outs who had no fear or respect for their parents. Most students who are flunking out of school have absolutely no fear of their parents, or the consequences of failing classes. They didn't learn that boldness the day they turned 16, either. Parents socially cripple their children when they are not taught boundaries and given clear expectations.

The other thing I like about a spanking, is that it is quick. You receive your punishment swiftly, but then the incident is over, the punishment administered, and now everybody can move on with a fresh start. I think that is a very important learning opportunity on how to not hold a grudge and be forgiving. Some of the psychological punishments like 'The Silent Treatment', or ignoring your child, are far more destructive because they shake a child's confidence in your love for them.

For that matter, sitting a child in time out may or may not work, depending on the child. I was the sort of kid who could make my own fun no matter where I was, so time out would have been great. I was spanked as a child, and I turned out productive and happy. Go figure!

Answer 3

My belief is that spankings should be rare but when used, do not perform a spanking in anger. You want the child to know they are being spanked for the behavior and not because you're angry. I don't think bad grades or not listening are severe enough behaviors to warrant a spanking. There are many other alternative discipline techniques such as restriction, loss of privileges, extra chores, etc, that are much more effective. If you find that spanking is the only tool in your parenting tool box, a little creativity is needed. I also don't think it is appropriate to spank adolescents. They are developing sexually and can develop some strange sexual proclivities associated with physical punishment.

Answer 4

I think the problem is that many parents have forgotten the purpose of discipline, and really don't want a lot of the responsibility of parenthood. The purpose as a parent is to teach a child how to become an independent adult who makes good decisions. Most parents don't want to take the time to teach their kids to make good decisions. Spankings are appropriate for "major issues" or repeated offenses. But mostly, kids need to know what's expected and that certain things won't be tolerated.. not that its okay today, but not tomorrow. House rules are a great tool!

Answer 5

HI csize

I'm a 28 year old single mother.

My son has been spanked and I don't consider myself a bad parent or a child abuser because of it. I do think however that people take this form of discipline too far and it then becomes abuse. In the UK it is illegal to hit your child hard enough to leave a mark or to hit your child about the head. I think where a lot of parents fall down is that they spank their children in anger. A spank should be a deterrent not a punishment. I feel that that is the difference.

I was smacked as a child and I feel it taught me to respect authority. If I did something and was warned and then did it again, I deserved to get smacked. I never did it again after that I'll tell you. I don't not feel I was abused because I was smacked. Sometimes it is a legitimate form of discipline.

However parents should be aware that smacking will not work as a deterrent with every child. So smacking them harder the next time is no good. Good parenting is a matter of trial and error, and if you truly love your child you will find the system that is right for them rather than beating them senseless because you're too lazy to try different methods.

Have to agree with lillilou

Are you smacking to instill fear or respect?
Great answer

I don't agree with Julie m

Children should respect their parents and authority figures not fear them.

Answer 6

In certain situations, yes. Spanking should not be the 1st choice for punishment, unless it is something very serious, like I had my 4 year old daughter choke her 2 year old sister for a toy, that was a spank! For most things, having them stand in the corner for a while and explaining what they did wrong can be very effective.

Answer 7

I couldn't agree with you more. Time outs don't work as far as my kids are concerned. And all this new age hippie crap about talking to your children and explaing this or that is just that, crap. I refuse to let my kids walk all over me and I also refuse to allow society to tell me how I should be disciplining my kids. Sometimes a kid just needs a good swat on the bottom, and mine get it when needed. I also explain why they got spanked. Some people are just to dense or stubborn to realize there is a difference between beating & spanking. As for respect, I am appalled at how some of these kids speak to their parents and teachers these days. I would have never dared to show such a lack of respect. I do think today's kids a not as well behaved. And I think it's because parent are trying to be friends with their kid instead of having the balls to be a parent.

Answer 8

it depends, in my opinion. spanking them over grades is not that serious. if you just take some of their priviledges away, that should do the trick. but if they are acting out and they are old enough to realize what they are doing is wrong, then yeah...a quick spanking is needed. every child is different, sometimes a spanking just won't cut it.

Answer 9

I think spanking is ok even though teen years. I think a swat on a padded bottom or the VERY VERy rare bare bottom is ok. It should be only for big things and dangerous things it shouldn't be for every day little things. I think it teaches a good lesson

Answer 10

I don't really believe in spanking, because too often parents use that as the primary punishment.
The thought behind it is actually primitive in my opinion...
spanking is supposed to condition a child to associate something with pain. In other words, said action = pain
but even in animal training, that really isn't used much. Most specialists will say don't use negative incentives...but that's different than a punishment. But still, my opinion is that if you classically condition a kid with pain, as soon as the said undesirable result is taken away (when the kid leaves the house at 18) then the reason not to do it is also moot. So I think in conjunction with a punishment, (which doesn't have to be hitting) it's also important to make the child understand on his level why it's bad.
though in all honesty, some things have to be associated with pain...a person is never going to learn not to tough a hot stove unless he tries it once. But it doesn't mean that the parent has to put the kids hand on the stove...
also, one last thing...I was never hit by my parents...maybe once. And I think that I turned out better for it. I was close to my parents and I felt that I didn't want to do something they disapproved of more because I didn't want to dissapoint them than because I was afraid of a punishment. But if I had been hit, it would have been more fear and I don't think that has any positive long term effects