I've been dating a really nice guy for a couple of months, taking it slow and getting to know each other, etc. We get along great, he's completely smitten and I like him a lot, but I'm not feeling "that feeling."
In this situation, do I hold off on sex until I fall in love with him, or is sex what needs to happen in order to fall in love?
2007-09-21 06:49:36 · 65 answers · asked by . 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Perhaps instead of the word "comes" I should have used "happens" . . . .
2007-09-21 06:53:28 · update #1
You should have been feeling something by now after 2 months. It sounds like you may have been hurt in the past and that you have your guard up. He sounds like a nice guy and must be into you for being so patient and not pushing the sex issue. Relax and try to let him in a little more into your life and you may find your feelings will change. I wouldn't rush the sex if you are in limbo about your feelings. There is plenty of time for that when You are ready! Good Luck and I hope the relationship works out for you!
2007-09-21 07:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by Teresa S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
How are you doing today?
Love must happen first else what follows will have no meaning for you later in life.
If you are feeling platonic about it right now, do hold off, there is absolutely nothing wrong in holding it off, until you start feeling the need for it.
And take this opportunity to get to know the person better, because these are the nuances of love, this goes a long way in strengthening your relationship.
And I am sure your partner will also appreciate your decision to let things take time, and the fact that you are not hurrying up things just for the sake of doing it, or to add the ingredient of spice to your budding relationship.
When you have sex it does not mean there is love. Some people just have sex because it brings them pleasure or attention ... or both. Some do it just because they are bored.
Make sure you know the difference! Do not confuse someone you Love to have sex with (meaning you love the sex action) with someone who you love.
When you love someone, it does not mean you need to have sex. When you are a loving couple, you do not need to have sex. If one or both of a couple want sex, then it is becomes a factor of a relationship.
I hope this helped you.
Take care.
Good luck with your relationship.
2007-09-21 07:00:31 · answer #2 · answered by nk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people have sex before they fall in love, because it's so fun and because it sometimes does bond people together, but if you are not feeling "that feeling" don't do it. I am assuming this means that you are not ready to have sex because you are not comfortable enough, or you need to feel more attached. Remember that sometimes love is confused with lust, which can happen when someone really just wants to have sex really bad, so I say, when you are ready, have sex, and if you guys stay together after that, then you know it's not lust.
2007-09-21 07:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by IDIOT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe City High has the lyrics "What's the point of making love when there's no love involved?" There's having sex, and there's making love. You make the call. If the feelings aren't there, and you decide to have sex, then that's just what it is, but you might as well get out of the relationship in that case.
2007-09-21 07:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by designkidcom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well since i dont know much about ur situation with this guy, i dont know if this advice will be helpful but here goes..
ask yourself, how well do you know this guy? did you know him before you started dating? sex is a big step in a relationship. believe it or not, it does complicate things cuz you start to expect more from your partner and if he is not ready to give you that, it will be a struggle for you
dont let hormones get the best of you. love doesnt come after having sex, love is something that grows between two people as they get to know each other.
i would wait, until you think its right. trust me the last thing u want to do it do it and then regret it cuz the timing wasnt right
also , guys tend to respect the woman they are with more if they wait to have sex,rather than just give in.
in the end its ur decision, but just ask yourself this...are u two committed to each other, as in exclusive? do you trust him? does he respect you? what do both of you expect out of the relationship? what is his attitude towards sex? yours?
2 months in not a long time to be dating someone....and just remember, the first 3 months are the easiest in a relationship, things are always great cuz ur getting to know each other
you dont necessarily have to be in love before having sex, but u should definitely care ALOT for each other...
in my opinion? i would wait..see how things go with this guy
besides i dont know how open minded you are about physical relationships but there are other things you can do together in the meantime until you are both ready to take the next step
hope this helped...
all the best
2007-09-21 07:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sex isn't need to fall in love, although sex can be a reason for falling in love it isn't the only reason. Everyones case is different you have to decide what you want to do. If you feel you are ready let him know and communicate with him.
2007-09-21 07:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by oladipodo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that depends on the person. Some people won't have sex unless they're in love. Other people enjoy sex and if they fall in love afterwards then great. Personally I'm in the second group. I really enjoy sex and if a relationship evolves from it then good, if not then fine.
2007-09-21 06:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having sex with him will not make you fall in love - you may like him more (if he's good), but true love is a lot deeper than sex!! Besides, if you have sex and he is bad, then what? You will like him less and then feel somewhat obligated to him because you did it!! Love first - sex will always be better if you are in love!!!
2007-09-21 06:57:01 · answer #8 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love can absolutely exist without sex. If you are not in love with this person, having sex is not going to fix it. Love is rare and hard to come by. I've only been in love once in my life, needless to say, I don't wait for love to have sex. So, see sex as it is and decide if you want to take the relationship to the next level.
2007-09-21 06:58:16 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love because some guys will wait a while and then once they have sex they just move on not caring about the girls feelings.
2007-09-21 06:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by Brendan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋