How can I get my faith back after having been abused?

Question

I was raised to go to church every Sunday, and be a good Christian. But something happened a few years ago to change all of that.

My parents have always been very abusive, mentaly and physically. Which doesnt make sense, because they were supposedly very religious, right? I know, I agree. Anyway, one night (I was 19) my dad really beat me badly, and I ran away from home. But that wasnt even the worst part.

My father was arrested becase I was so badly battered. Between then and the day he went to trial, my entire extended family dissowned me. NO ONE would talk to me or see me. Why, you ask? They said it was becasue I had sinned by having him arrested. But the thing is, I had NOTHING to do with that. Its mandatory that the cops arrested him, becasue there was physical evidence on me. And even if I HAD turned him in, he deserved it!!

** sorry, I ran out of room **

Over the course of 2 months, my family emotionally tortured me. They kept telling me that if the pastor at our church were there, he would have made me appologize to my dad (of course that wasnt true). Can you believe that?!?! They made me feel horrible about the whole thing, even though I was the one who get beaten for NO reason.

Ever since they tried to use religion against me (for something SO absurd and wrong), I have had trouble getting back into religion.

What can I do?
(By the way, the judge ordered my entire family to go through intensive therapy, and they made a complete 180. I NEVER thought I would have such an awesome realationship with my family as I do now. And they ALL appologized over and over)

For those of you who dont understand what I am asking:

My family used religion against me, even though their claims were absurd, and totally wrong. I know that they were wrong, and that religion doesnt teach what they were saying. I want to get back into religion, but I was so scarred by my family that I have trouble respecting religion now (even though I know what they did was wrong, and not very Christian)

Answer 1

Yes, your father deserved exactly what he got and more! What your father did was very, very wrong, and he has clearly caused you much pain in life. Nor has your pain left you, as your letter makes clear; you still hurt inside because of his wrongdoing.

That's why the real issue you face is this: How will you get over these hurts from your past? You see, your father's sin has produced a tragic harvest of anger and bitterness in your soul, and they're like a poison that will only make you miserable if you don't get rid of them. Not only will it prevent you from being happy, but it also will harm your relationships. The Bible warns, "See to it ... that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:15).

It isn't easy to get over the pain of what others did to us, particularly when we were young. But listen: God doesn't want you to be enslaved by the past! He loves you, and (unlike your earthly father) He wants to help you and bring healing to your heart and mind and soul.

Begin life again by turning to Christ and committing your life—including your hurts—to Him. Then ask Him to help you forgive your father in your heart. No, he doesn't deserve it—but then we don't deserve God's forgiveness, either. Forgiveness isn't easy, but it will help bring healing to your soul.

Answer 2

This is not the first horror story like this I have heard. I am sure it will not be the last.

God can and will help you through this.

People tend to associate God with the things people do. For example:

God creates marriage.
God does not make any rules about when and how a marriage starts.
Adam and Eve are married.
People make up ceremonies and rules about when and how a marriage starts.
People make up laws about when and how a marriage starts.
People begin to believe that God made the rules about when and how a marriage starts.
People tell each other that they have to be married in a church, by a preacher and with a license to start a marriage.
People become mad at God because they don't like the rules about when and how a marriage starts.
God still did not make any rules about when and how a marriage starts.

Do not place your faith in what people tell you about God, religion or yourself. Read the Bible and pray for understanding.

I suggest that you get a copy of The Message, some of the kids in the youth group at church like it. Remember that ONLY the Holy Spirit gives you understanding of the scripture so it does not matter what version or language you study in.

Do not put your faith in any language or version. Put your faith in God.

You have my prayers.

Answer 3

It is hard to accept that family can be so cruel, but, that is a fact that many other people can relate to. My heart goes out to you.
Abusive families generally want their abuse to stay hidden, it is their way of dealing with it. Going to church probably makes them feel as though it's a penance to pay and then they can go back to being the way they are. It is not logical, but by the same token, neither is hurting a child logical. It is a psychosis. You are definitely better off being away from them.

It isn't you who has sinned. Or did you throw you body into your dad's fist?

Thank God he was arrested, you lived in a very bad household for 19 years, and you'd be there today if he hadn't been arrested, right? So, that was how God helped you, to get you away from people who would harm you. Your faith in God can be restored.

One day, when you see them, you will appreciate this turn of events. I will pray for your strength to live the life you want to live, without the pain you are feeling now. I am proud of you.

Answer 4

Wow, your parents sound like mine on steroids. No seriously. They were religious too, but they didn't act like followers of Christ. A lot of so-called Christians don't. The first thing I would do is ask yourself why your past is affecting your faith. Is it because you looked up to your parents as role models for how to be a Christian? That's the mistake I made, and I ended up turning away because of it. But when I realized that I needed to look up to Christ, not my parents, I found something totally unlike the "religion" I had been taught as a child. I found a relationship with a Father who loves unconditionally and never, NEVER abuses. Once you tap into that relationship you never even look back. It's impossible. That's why Jesus said that once a person is saved they will never be snatched out of his hand (John 10:28).
You did the right thing. You know it. God knows it. Even your family knows it. No one ever promised this life would be easy, but if you can endure it, you will be blessed beyond measure. God bless. :)

Answer 5

Your father desreved to be arrested and he should spend some time in jail too. Abusive parents always raise their kids to believe they are the cause of the abuse because they are bad. This idea goes right along with the Christian concept that we are all sinners.
Your family will probably not change and they are without a doubt a guilty bunch.
Leave them behind and start a new life of your own. If, one day they want to be a part of your life it should be when they have learned to respect you.
On the faith part of your question, all I can say is where was God when you were being abused?
Choose a faith, or not, based on what is right for you and what makes you happy. Not by what a bunch of fundamental bullies say.
Good luck to you.

Answer 6

As a general principle, I never report anyone. I've never yet done it. And I never will. Not even trolls. I feel that so long as you've got the choice as to whether or not to answer them, what's the point? Thumbs-up or thumbs-down I feel pretty indifferent about. While it's sometimes irritating when an innocent comment gets thumbs-downed, as the end of the day I still sleep just fine.

Answer 7

Religion can be either a source of strength for good people, or a universal excuse for bad people to do whatever the hell they want to do.

It sounds like you were around a lot of people to whom it was just an excuse to feel superior, and do whatever they wanted to.

Try this. Start going to church services for different branches of Christianity. Catholic, Methodist, Unitarian, Quaker if you can.

There's 50,000 denominations of Protestants, Catholics, Greek Orthodox, and a 1000 other religions all trying to figure out why we're here and what it's all for. See as many of them as you can.

I think it'll help.

People may misquote Him, but God is always there to set the record straight. Just listen for Him.

Answer 8

your family is a classic example of how things can go wrong with religion. it's not that your family is bad, but they really need a reality check. your father cannot beat you, and he needed to be arrested, and if i were you, i would stand up to them and let them know that even thought it wasn't up to you to have him arrested, you would have willingly and WITH PLEASURE had him taken away in shackles!
letting them let you feel bad for what they have allowed him (and your mother) to do to you in the real sin.
of course i don't know what you may have done to be beaten or if it even warranted a beating, but i know first hand that being beaten that badly that police needs to be involved also means that the abuser needs preffessional help from an outside source, and god is not the answer for him/her, but a crutch.

have faith in a religion, but i reccomend not focusing on any one religion for a while until you feel comfortable with one. until then, pray, find some friends, volunteer at events and soup kitchens, etc. you will find yourself and eventually you shall see what you need to believe.

xoxo

Answer 9

that is good they are doing you right now. the thing bout religion is its almost like no 2 ppl agree on anything. dont look to religion, you read your bible and pray to Jesus. look to Jesus! dont give up on Him when hard times come. we were never promised our life would be easy accepting Him. matter of fact it says we will be persucuted and hated. it might take you to get your family to know Him and not just hear of Him. just cause you hear someone say they believe in God doesnt mean they have a personal relationship with Him. it makes a BIG difference. good luck to you, dont give up and when it seems the whole world is against you, you need to seek Him all the more.

Answer 10

Just not sure what you are asking but God does not in the bible tell parents to abuse their children anywhere. There is a scripture that recommends using a stick but in the scriptures that is referred as a book, or in our times times the bible and I think tells them to teach the child correct principles. That is what it seems your family has learned through counseling. If you are 19 I would suggest looking into a different religion if the one which you are going to condones that type of behavior.

Answer 11

Been there life goes on I don't have to deal with those people anymore, I have a husband children that love me also others. I forgive the ones that created the problem. I am alive and thankful for that. I understand there are worse problems out there, and other people that have been put through worse. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...My sister and I heard some negative comments from the ones that had done what they done and my sister and I actually felt guilty for what they did to us. Just realize it's not your fault don't let anyone make you feel ashamed guilty etc.. hold your head up stand proud smile while doing so...We are survivors I think of those that have been put through similar situations and they didn't make it it breaks my heart...Stay Strong...