i need help with my sex life?

Question

My fiancee and i were both virgins when we started dating. He wants me to feel comfortable enough to touch myself and such..but for me who was raised in a home where sex before marriage was wrong...its hard for me to imagine getting pleasure for myself...i have issues with several sexual things..i cant strip for him...i just feel like i will mess it up...i refuse doing oral...or getting it..i know he is getting frustrated with me..any suggestions??

i have tried oral before....didnt get very far with it..the moment precum started..i stopped...couldnt handle that...its not like i havent tried it

Answer 1

Start spicing things up. Strip for him! Dress up! Use toys! Roll play! Try new positions! Do a little Karma Suitra! Use Food! Watch porn together! Add some kink you will like it, I would not involve anyone else though! This is just between you and him! Their is nothing wrong with spicing things up!

Answer 2

ok well how fustrated is he getting? if he is *really* bad about it then yes, like the other answers say - have a think about how much he respects you.

However, sex is important in a relationship, your boyfriend has hormones, feelings and he is comfortable with you to share them so don't take the frustration too seriously. it's natural and as long as he's still respectful then that's fine - he cannot help getting frustrated if it's something he wants to do - what matters is *how* he demonstrates it.

so assuming he demonstrates it nicely and respectfully :) , what to do...

think about why u are so against stuff that a lot of couple do - the oral, stripping (though i think stripping does take special confidence!)...

have u ever tried the "f*** it" technique to get over your fear? just try going with it , even if u feel out of your depth at first, feelings will soon change! i think that phrase is the best way to get rid of most fears!

have a glass of wine and set the mood a little too....low lights will make u feel more anonymous and forget yourself a little

try watching a sexy film, not necessarily porn but even some of the racier hollywood ones can giv u an idea of what u should be doing and also actually *seeing* people doing it should break the taboo notion u have in your head about it all.

but after all this, i would just take a deep breath and get on with it! sounds harsh but is a lot quicker than going to therapy about it/worrying about it so much....ten minutes and all done ;)

really, with sex, i think it's always worth trying once things that don't appeal...often when u start doing it, the taboo of it or the feeling someone else is getting pleasure from u can be a big (surprise) turn on.

good luck!

Answer 3

Look, this is real simple.

If you do not fulfill your man's physical desires, he will eventually find somebody who will.

I am not saying that your religious beliefs and family upbringing are wrong. What I am saying is that along with those beliefs there sometimes comes a price. That price is the potential loss of someone you care very much about.

Your fiance' sounds like a healthy male who wants to do things he has heard about or seen with the woman he loves. He will never fully understand why you do not feel the same way toward him no matter what he says.

Answer 4

Listen, sex is fun. It is supposed to be fun. You need to let yourself have fun doing it.
You need to turn the tables on him. Ask him to get you some 'videos' of other people doing the things he wants you to do so you can see how it is done.
Nothing breaks the ice better than that. Consider it a learning experience. You will be embarrassed, but thats okay. Everyone is embarrassed the first time they try this stuff. You get embarrassed and very exited at the same time. It is quite a rush.
Don't worry, he will be embarrassed too.
Your married.... it is OKAY now to explore and be playful in anywhich way you want. Drop your inhibitions and have some fun. You really don't know what your missing.
Good luck! :o)

Answer 5

you need to grow up. pre marital sex WAS bad a long time ago when people were expected to marry young and die young, but you have a potential to marry older and die older now. why hold yourself back from doing something natural with someone you area going to keep with you possibly for the rest of your life? you won't have sex with your fiance but you expect this to be a good marriage? you don't want to preform oral, but you want to think that your sex life will be passionate and perfect after the wedding day? and you still don't touch yourself yet you expect him to feel comfortable touching you when he looks at your grimacing face?

be an adult and start to realize that because you love him, you are willing to do some things outside of your bubble and make him feel good. waht you won't do, someone else will, and why would you give him that option?

Answer 6

You just need to be comfortable and not worry too much about the tension. Relax and loose those inhibitions. Try new things and see if you like them. At least you're trying. He'll appreciate the effort and love you're showing him by doing so. You don't want to create sexual hang ups this early on in your relationship.. or at all for that matter. Sex should be a wonderful experience EVERY single time..not a frustrating one. BUT, it's not all you. He needs to stimulate and approach you the right way as well. As long as you're trying for him, he should be meeting you halfway too.

Good luck!

Answer 7

When the time is right, the time is right. If he respects you, he will do as you wish when it comes to the bedroom.
I was the same way, but after some experience with sex, i do fun stuff like strip, touching myself, and oral.
If you dont feel right doing these things -- DONT DO IT!!


As for stripping, you can go to a sex store and buy a kit with an outfit and video and you can practise practise practise.

Trust me, he'll love it.

Answer 8

Honey, you need to stick with your values! Stand strong about them. You have waited this long, there is no good reason to give in NOW, and if he truly respected you, he would stop pushing you. He is only thinking of himself, and taking your virginity. Tell him to stop thinking with his penis and start thinking with his heart. If he is your fiance, then he KNOWS he will get to do all this when you marry. Tell him to wait for it, or call the engagement OFF. I don't trust a guy who pushes a girl to do what she doesn't feel comfortable doing. That just isnt' right, and YOU know it, or you wouldn't have told us about it. Now, tell HIM how it is. He might get upset at first, but he will really respect you for it later.

Answer 9

From personal experience....pressuring you to do things you are not comfortable is a HUGE RED FLAG....it is a form of abuse. If he loves you, he will be patient and HE'S NOT. This situation will not get better, it will get worse...believe me. What I see in your question is HE Wants this and he wants that BUT....girl, he does't love you. Talk to your parents if you can. If you can't, talk to your pastor or some other adult you respect. You will never, ever regret talking about this with someone you respect....believe me. If you want to talk more....contact me, I'd be willing to chat with you about it....or with anyone else who's going through the same situation.

Answer 10

Until you become comfortable with yourself you will continue to have these issues. It is your own body. Touching yourself is not something you will burn in hell for or anything. That is the way you figure out what makes you feel good.

Nothing between two people that love and care for each other is bad when it comes to the bedroom.

Relax, you might just enjoy yourself.