Apology to young mums?

Question

It seems my post upset a fair few young mums. I should have chosen my words better. I meant mums who have a baby for the fun of it then once they realise how hard it really is, they palm him/her off onto someone else or just don't take care of the baby properly.I come from a council background so im not a snob but there is a huge amount of young girls doing this, it seems too easy for them to have a baby, get a house & benefits-all for the wrong reasons.
A lot of people need benefits, but not use it on cigarettes & booze. A lot of people need council houses, to start a good life with a roof over your heads & there are some amazing young mums, just like there are rubbish older mums.
I was talking about the rough young girls with babies freezing cold, smoking fags,boyfriends have a can in their hand, pass their babys onto anyone else every other night shirking responsibility to get drunk-if this isn't you then im sorry my post upset you.

Alikat- thats exactly the type of mum i was refering to.You hit the nail on the head.
And yes i guess i am young at 24 so i know how hard it is to struggle with a baby which is why i have the upmost respect for other young mums who do the best by their baby ( not using benefits for booze n f@gs).

Peroxide- I must live in a bad town because their are a lot of mums like this, but i do agree a lot of young mums are great & thats why i apologise.

Answer 1

Nice apology.

Answer 2

I responded to your last post and understand what you were trying to get across, although it did seem to generalise quite a bit. My problem with what you are saying is that there are probably only a small minority of terrible young mums out there, and society seems to pick up on this and through stereotypes(vikki pollard characters) it points the finger at them and condemns them as bad people.
I have read so many posts on here from people answering pregnancy questions with responses like 'great, thats all our society needs' when its a young soon to be parent asking about the welfare of their baby, its sickening that people aren't more open minded. Whilst I am not a young mum, I think if we are going to start demonising young mums we should perhaps look at the 'day care' parents that spend no time with their children at all AND pay to have someone else look after them because they have no time for them, or the parents that are abusive and mentally scar their children(usually in these cases the parents are older-so shouldn't they know better!?)
We only live this life once and we all make our own choices, people should not judge others based upon stereotypes and generalisations, with every bad young mum there must be tens of wonderful and loving young mums!
I understand your issue is with the irresponsible young parents and hopefully with some proper guidance young mums will behave more responsibly if they are abusing the benefits they receive.

Answer 3

It's a nice apology although, I didn't see your original post... I agree with you.. .In fact my brother's former girlfriend just had a baby a few months ago.. Her second, the first was from another bf. ! Anyway, she get housing assistance, WIC, daycare vouchers etc... At the present my brother has moved out of state and has NOTHING to do with this child.. Recently, my parents who live out of state had taken the baby for a couple months because "she couldn't handle it"... Gee, must be nice I have 2 children of my own, a husband that works 2 jobs and I work at night.. As you might guess we don't qualify for squat ! I feel that is this day and age of modern technology that a young woman who is NOT capable of taking care of children SHOULD be on some type of birth control.. Also, the bf or bf's as the case may be should be wearing a condom.. I mean it's just plain ridiculous.. So, this baby is now back with my parents because "she can't handle a baby" Well, she should've thought really long/hard about it when she decided to have sex.... It just pisses me off thinking about it.... GET A CLUE !!!

Answer 4

I agree with you about sponging off the government. Maybe, next time you should just limit it to people who abuse the government's fund instead of singling out young mothers.

I am a young mother. I wasn't offended so much by your question but by the fact that you made it seem that it is only young moms who do this. The sad part is when people see me [who doesn't have anything to do with young mothers as you've described] then assume that I am just like the other ones. It's an awful stereotype and that's why I feel that people were offended.

Anyway, like I said in your original post, people of all ages will try to get money when it's not due. People [of all ages] will put themselves before their children and families. It's like the wealthy SAHMs who send their kids to daycare so they can get pedicures, massages, and work out all day. Some people irregardless of age will be like that.

Answer 5

I didn't read your first post, but I suppose if it hit someone in the gut, maybe you were a little too on target. I agree with you, and I also think that if someone knew your post did not apply to them they would not have been offended. I knew of several women when I was younger who were horrible mothers, but were getting money and spending it on drugs while their children suffered. I'm sure it still happens and it's disgusting. I wish there was a way to stop it and give these children a good life.

Answer 6

I agree that although these bad young mums exist although there are also loads of really really good young mums.

And there are also bad older mums with plenty of money and success - look at the McCanns! Sedating their children and leaving them unattended whilst they go out enjoying themselves! None of the younger mums I know would do that!

To be honest mums can't win. Have kids young and you're "too young". Have kids in your mid thirties (like me) and you're "too old". Stay home and you're "lazy" and "scrounging benefits". Go to work and you're "dumping your children" and "being selfish". Someone will always find fault.

And the really bad young mothers you are talking about invariably end up attracting the attention of Social Services anyway.

Answer 7

i think i responded to your first post, and you didn't offend me. in fact i agreed with you. i don't know whay people got upset. if i remember right you mentioned that you didn't mean ALL young moms, just the ones that act like that. i guess maybe people got upset because older moms can act the same way too. but i still agree i hate when i see things like that it makes just want to take those sweet babies home with me. i once saw a toddler running around outside in a diaper ALONE when it was like 40 degrees outside in january. while the mom just sat there on the porch smoking.

nice of you to apologize and clarify though.

Answer 8

i haven't read your first post concerning young moms being too young and irresponsible...let me put it this way, there are two sides of the story...there's a big amount of men out there who leave their gf/wives if they learned that they got them pregnant, because its a big responsibility they're afraid to tackle, and where does that leave these women esp. those young girls being in this situation..feeling helpless and coming to the aid of the government...mix all of those emotions, anger (esp. to their own child), depression, then you'll get these types of niche of young girls weak minds that push them to do these things..I'm not saying that these type of young(or even older) women deserves the right to act these way, all im just saying is learn the other side of the story before you say things that might offend the people you're targeting, because you're not in their situation for you to criticize them..

At least you took time to apologize to them..

Answer 9

i am a 23 year old single mum of 2 i am on benfits now but trying to get a job i didt want to be a single mum but i have to i dont spend my money on booze of fags i spend it on my kids cos that is what then benfits are for

Answer 10

i just read ya previous Q an i understand it that you wa saying if you can't put the child first and you cant give things up for them then whats the point in having them am i right? an if thats what you were trying to say then i totally agree with you - my life totally revoles around my child