My Family is Catholic and my BF is Christian. We are getting married :o) we both agreed to get married at his church. My parents dont agree they say that he loves me and respects me he should marry me in the catholic faith. Im really confused please HELP
2007-09-21 05:46:36 · 20 answers · asked by Bride 2 B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance and I had a VERY similar issue with choosing a church as our families were from different religions and both sides wanted their own church. So here's what I learned after months of headaches and heartaches:
Do what you two want!!
No offense to your parents, but they are saying that he should get married in your church if he really loved you to get you to choose their style of church. They may not intentionally be manipulating you, but that's essentially what it is.
For some reason, people get very defensive of their own church when their children marry, even though many times no one cared before you got engaged. It's like they think you're disowning the traditions they raised you in.
I'm sorry to say, this situation won't get better quickly but it should eventually. Continue to sit down with them and calmly and rationally (meaning try not to get too frustrated) explain why you chose his church. Is it pretty? A good size? A good location? Anything like that will help, but it will take a little bit for them to be more understanding.
Good luck and remember to remind yourself (and your parents) that this is an amazing day in your life and should be as stressfree as possible. You and your fiance are becoming your own unit and making your own life-path and decisions, and hopefully your parents will be able to understand and support that.
Oh and congrats on the engagement!
2007-09-21 06:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by iheartbayley 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're okay with getting married in his church, then it doesn't matter what your parents say. He would have to go through all these classes, etc, in order to get married in a Catholic church since he isn't Catholic. Besides, I think the point is that you're getting married under god so why does it matter which church it is?
By the way, Catholics are still part of the Christian faith. So in essence they still have a lot of the same (though not all) beliefs as Protestants.
2007-09-21 05:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, as a Catholic, you are obliged to be married according to the laws of the Church. If you do not, you are in an invalid marriage ( AKA Fornicating), and you may not receive the Eucharist.
I could never give up the Eucharist!
The good news is, it is possible to marry in BF's ecclesial community ...you need to do some Catholic marriage preparation with a priest, and file a few papers to establish the validity of the marriage.
Remember- as Catholics, we believe marriage is a Sacrament. Non Catholics consider it only a ceremony. In the Catholic Church, the bride and groom are the ministers of the Sacrament, for non Catholics, the minister officiates the ceremony.
It's a big difference.
2007-09-22 09:51:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mommy_to_seven 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Usually a couple gets married in the woman's church.
However, the biggest thing you and your bf have to talk about seriously is what faith you two will follow together, and how you will raise any future children you may have. That's what's most important.
BTW, Catholics are Christians, your bf would just be a different denomination of Protestant, probably - United, Lutheran, etc.
If you are happy with changing your religion, and going to church with your HTB at his church, and raising your children that way, then it's fine.
But understand your family's point of view - they just want what's best for you, and they raised you a certain way with a certain religious background.
I'm Catholic, and made sure I married someone Catholic as well, because I knew I didn't want to change religions, and it was how I wanted children to be raised as well.
2007-09-22 00:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, many people here have had excellent points, such as:
1. Catholics are Christian, so you may want to use the term Protestant.
2. It is your wedding, not your parents.
However, it is also important to recognize a few things that may help you understand where your parents are coming from (you dont have to agree with them, but it helps if you understand):
in the Catholic faith, marriage is still looked at slightly differently than in many other Christian denominations - divorce is still looked down on moreso than elsewhere, and marriage is held as a bit more "holy" and not to be broken, so part of it may be that you parents think that may help you
also, you and your fiancee need to discuss any future children you may want to have. in the Catholic church, for children to be baptized, their parents marriage needs to be in good standing (or have been annulled or widowed) with the Church - this doesnt mean you have to get married in the Church, but the Church does need to recognize your marriage as a valid one and often will need to bless it themselves. This is a very valid issue if you do want to raise your children Catholic, which is a whole other issue, but this may be something your parents are considering
Lastly, Catholic churches usually require premarital counseling, particularly with an emphasis on the role of God and religious practices in your married life; perhaps your parents also want you to go through this.
Im not saying your parents are right, and certainly not about implying he doesnt love you if he wont get married in the Catholic Church, but there may be ways to help satisfy them without giving in completely. discuss with them all of the reasons they want you to be married in their church - if they just say 'because youre Catholic" or "this is the right/only way," they probably arent going to come around. But if they give you some of these reasons or related ones (like thinking that all these aspects will help make your marriage stronger), see if you cant help them feel better about it - take premarital counseling, at least from some religious group (you can take Catholic premarital instruction even if you arent getting married in the Catholic Church, by the way). Also see about getting your marriage blessed by the Catholic Church after you've been married; then your marriage will be recignized in both of your religions.
Im sorry this has been such a long response, but remember that obviously religion is very important to your parents, so while you dont need to give in to them, ou may want to help satisfy some of their concerns. It's what I've done and my mom's not 100% happy, but she's satisfied. Good luck!
2007-09-21 07:41:50 · answer #5 · answered by lutmerjm 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
FYI - Catholicism is a form of Christianity. Catholics are Christians. Do you mean that your boyfriend is Protestant?
Well...you obviously can't get married in both your churches, so you had to pick one. Parents should understand that and be mature enough to not be upset about it. Another alternative is to have your wedding in a neutral place, so that the wedding is 'Christian' in a larger sense but not specifically Catholic or Protestant.
If you are happy with your decision about getting married in your partner's church, then that should be fine.
2007-09-21 05:56:59 · answer #6 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Get married where you and your boyfriend want to. So what if he is protestant and you're catholic. I know they have differences but in truth they are BOTH Christians! Maybe your parents should put loving and respecting you into their practice?? I don't mean to be rude at all, I just feel for you.
2007-09-21 05:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by justagirl 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would seriously consider what role you want Catholicism to play in your married life. Do you want to convert to his religion? What do you want for your children as regards religion?
I am the eldest of three children, raised in a devoutly Catholic family. My marriage (which ended in divorce) was to a non-Catholic. Ironically, my ex then converted to Catholocism for his second wife. My brother embraced his wife's faith and is now a member of a Christian denomination. My sister and her husband are both practicing Catholics, and their faith is important to them. I no longer practice, but follow an eastern path with a strong meditation practice. My kids are baptised Catholic (age 14 and 18), but neither really practice, although they enjoy going to church with their grandmother. My mother got used to it all. Her elder brother (who in my opinion borders on the fanatical) almost boycotted his eldest daughter's wedding, as she converted to Lutheranism to form a family with her husband (whose father was a minister).
Spirituality is a very important part of life for people to whom it is important, and often the importance arises later in life. Decide what role it plays for you, and your future husband. Really explore this issue.
It has been said by experienced marital counselors that the final task of a functional marriage is to support each other spiritually to the end of life. So by thinking about it now, you could be ensuring a long and healthy marriage.
2007-09-21 05:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tradition is that the couple marry in the bride's faith. This was always done because children are usually raised in the mothers faith. If you are not raising your children Catholic then I guess it doesn't matter but I can see how your parents have a right to be upset.
2007-09-21 06:16:00 · answer #9 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow so sorry for you. This should be a happy time. So sad when family members have to rain on your parade, huh?
Tell them it's because you love and respect him that you're getting married at his church, and you'd love for them to show their support. Be sweet but firm when you say it so they don't think you're just being a rebel or pushover, as that's probably what they think.
Good luck!
2007-09-21 05:57:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋