My best friend is getting married next week after a two year engagement. She is furious with me and is refusing to talk to me because I can no longer be in her wedding :( I'm her maid of honor, but I'm 8 months pregnant and on complete bed rest. I'm trying not to stress because I know this can hurt my unborn child, and I did not plan to have to step down from her wedding. I told her she could ask one of the other girls several months ago when I started having problems with my pregnancy but she said that wouldn't be neccessary. She was mad because I was unable to put together a bachlorette party and bridal shower, and I explained to her early on, that financially and physically I would be unable. Now she wont talk to me at all, saying that I just want all the attention because I'm finally having a baby after several years of trying. I could see if I purposly did something, but the Doctors are making my activity limited.
We've been friends for 7 years. What do I do???
2007-09-21 05:34:04 · 44 answers · asked by !s@b3l@ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Blunt...I asked to step down several months ago...you didn't read correctly.
2007-09-21 07:01:04 · update #1
I asked both of the other girls to take over preperations for the bridal shower and bachlorette party and both declined. I had started planning and getting organized months ago for both of these.
2007-09-21 07:16:08 · update #2
Your friend has shown her true colors. You are being completely level-headed and reasonable. If I were you, I would let the friendship go.
2007-09-21 05:37:55 · answer #1 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 15⤊ 0⤋
Well, her being upset over your not planning parties is void, a maid of honor does those things if she's willing and able but all she's really required to do is buy her own dress and stand by the bride.
You did the right thing by offering to step down, and I assume from other things you said you basically told your friend everything that was happening with the pregnancy, it's her own fault for not making a back-up plan.
I would breath and move on, if you've been trying several years to have a baby what did she expect once you got pregnant? Other than having your doctor write her a note explaining explicitly what you can and cannot do for her wedding I can't think of anything. She may realize she's acting all the wrong way a couple months after she gets married or she may hold anything that goes wrong in the wedding against you until she dies. It's her loss, and obviously she's not that great of a friend.
2007-09-21 07:28:31 · answer #2 · answered by Manny 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Kay:
Unfortunately, your friend has turned into the typical "bridezilla." Please take care of yourself and your child and try not to stress about this.
I don't know where you live, but where I live here in Michigan ALL the bridesmaids plan the shower and the bachelorette party .....it's not just up to the maid of honor. Maybe it's where you live, as I have read this on other posts (it being the maid of honor's responsibility.)
It's too bad that your friend is showing her true colors. She will probably come around after the wedding. And, if she doesn't, then you will know that she was not a true friend. Pregnancies are unpredictable. And, as you said, you told her several months ago to go with one of the others and she did not want to....it's her fault, not yours.
Take care and good luck with your new baby!
2007-09-21 17:15:21 · answer #3 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have done everything exactly the way you should. You were a good Maid of Honor who was upfront and honest about the pregnancy. The bride, while going through the stress of wedding planning, is way off base. Instead of being selfish, she ought to be there to support you. Weddings are important, but so is having children! As for what to do, all you really can do is continue your bed rest and hope that the bride, before or after the wedding, realizes that she is in the wrong. Perhaps you could send her the link to everyone's answers here on Yahoo!
2007-09-21 06:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by optimistundersiege 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just want to play devil's advocate here for a second. Personally, I think she's being unreasonable as well. But I'm going to take this from the other side of the coin for a second.
She had a two year engagement. You should have never agreed to be her maid of honor if there was the slightest chance you were going to be pregnant. Pregnancy and being a bridesmaid are two activities that are incompatible. Let's say you accepted and then got pregnant. In that case, as soon as you discovered you were pregnant you should have dropped out of the wedding. Not asked to leave, but simply bowed out. Yes, she would have been mad then. But not half as mad as she is now I wager.
Now, here she is a week before her wedding and you drop out. You have put her in a horrible situation. There is no counterpart for the best man and moving another bridesmaid into your position is also not possible. I'm assuming that you purchased a maternity dress. She couldn't even ask someone else to take your place in order to even out the numbers.
You did not participate in her bridal shower, or her bachelorette party. This was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. She's been dreaming of this day her whole life and you took some of her happiness away. That's what she's mad. As a bride you just can't win. If she dropped you as the maid of honor after finding out you were pregnant people would have been calling her Bridezilla. Now, because she is mad that you made a committment that you have failed to live up to she is a bridezilla.
Stop trying to call her and talk to her. She's mad and wants nothing to do with you right now. Also, stay away from her wedding. Seeing you will just annoy her. Consider yourself uninvited. When she comes back from her honeymoon and is more relaxed, try to contact her then. I think you will have more success.
I'm sorry you have been placed in this situation. Good luck to you and the little one.
2007-09-21 06:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by Luv the Princess 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Honestly, both your stress levels are so high right now, I would suggest you lay low until everything is over, including the birth of your baby, and you both return to your normal selves.
You have done nothing wrong in the situation, but as you are married, you can probably recall the last few weeks before the marriage and how completely insane you were. Any little thing can send you over the edge at that point and it seems that this is what has sent her over.
Its probably easiest for her to be mad at you though because she is sure of your friendship and that no matter what you will always love her. We always hurt the ones we love the most.
You keep concentrating on yourself and the baby and put her out of your mind for the time being. After all is said and done, you two will be able to mend the friendship.
Best of luck!
2007-09-21 05:42:17 · answer #6 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is being selfish and petty. Having a baby or trying to have a baby can be a very trying thing for a woman emotionally and physically. For her to act like she is only shows her insecurities.
I would question whether or not this is something typical of her or if it is just wedding stress. If this is something typical of her, drop her. Someone that insecure is not worth being around. If it's wedding related, explain to her the emotional difficulties you faced trying to get pregnant and now the emotional stress of having to step down when you really wanted to be there for her. If she cannot understand that then it is her problem, not yours.
Congrats on the baby and best of luck to you!
EDIT:
Linda, you really have NO clue what it's like to be pregnant and on bedrest. I was put on bedrest at 31 weeks. Just because a woman is not admitted doesn't mean it's less serious. Bedrest IS a serious thing. The ONLY time I went out were for appointments. If you ever get pregnant, you'll know. In the meantime, you're clueless.
2007-09-21 05:39:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Bridezilla alert!!! Jeez - I don't understand how your friend could possibly be that unreasonable. It's not like you suddenly changed your mind or flaked - you're following doctors orders to protect you and your baby. Your friend is really showing her true colors - and they're not very pretty. Even in an uncomplicated pregnancy, at 8 months you're feeling pretty uncomfortable and tired. You gave her plenty of notice when you told her months ago that you were having some complications. She should have known that you would be close to delivery and possibly unavailable. She has absolutely *zero* justification in being upset with you.
EDIT: I think that some of the posters need to re-read the original question. She told her friend - as soon as - she began having complications that she would be physically and financially unable to do everything. She also told her friend that she could ask one of the other girls to take her place. That doesn't sound like waiting until the last minute.
2007-09-21 07:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by SE 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't really do anything to someone who is acting onesided. Your health and wellbeing is actually the most important thing going on right now, it should be you and your husbands 1st priority, you and the baby.
I was placed on bedrest at my 5th month and I had a very hard time w/ my pregnancy but ended up having 2 beautiful children, so congrats :)
Now, no one plans for this kind of thing to happen, but apologize to your friend and tell her you should have declined as soon as you found out and were far enough along with becoming pregnant or maybe you should have declined and stepped down prior to the dresses being fitted.
Honestly, If I were in your shoes and found out I was pregnant and I'm not sure which came first, let me assume you accepted her prior to you becoming pregnant, I would have told her at that time, you need to decline because of your due date and the problems you have had. If she were any kind of true friend, she would understand.
If you told her 2 weeks before her wedding, yes she has a right to be upset with you, but you said you tried to tell her a few months ago, so no, she had the opportunity to correct it right?
You both knew you were pregnant and still willing to go through as her Maid of Honor. NOW that being said, couldn't you have turned her bachlorette party over to one of the other girls? I'm sure someone in the crowd would have understood under the circumstances. If not, tell your friend or write her, that you two can out and celebrate after your baby is born and you know everything is fine. If she won't or doesn't come around after the wedding, let her go, she wasn't as true a friend as you thought.
These 2 events are the most important days in a womans life.
Her wedding day and the day she gives birth. So, here in this case both of you are in your most important times in your lives, emotionally and physically, so there are going to be some hormones rushing right now.
Her wedding will go on, and you are having a baby, you can't change that now can you:)
Do not over excurt yourself over her wedding, it sounds like you would if you could, but you can't. so take this time to take care of yourself and your baby.
You want to go as close to full term as possible, but mother nature is in charge as long as you do what the dr. ordered.
I delivered 5 weeks early with absolutely no stress in my life.
So write her a little note in a card and tell her you are so happy for her and if you could be there for her physically you would be, but you can't and you are with her in your hearts. Then leave it at that for the moment.
Make sure she gets it before her wedding day ok?
Good luck to you and no more stressing out!! got that ::)) smile, you are having a baby...
2007-09-21 06:24:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's a bridezilla. I'm sorry. Don't pay any attention to her selfish behavior and ranting. Just wish her well and say you have to focus on your health. If she's very negative, don't take her calls or see her.
You two can think about sorting it all out after all the "big days" are a few months past. She really does owe you an apology, but it's up to you if you want to hold out for one. Whatever you do, don't apologize (anymore, if you already have, and besides you were generous and up front with her to begin with). Take her back as a friend if you want, particularly if she comes to her senses. But do the right thing now and focus on your health. This relationship needs one grown up at least! ;-)
2007-09-21 05:42:19 · answer #10 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you've got yourself a first class Bridezilla on your hands there.
My suggestion is to stop taking her calls for a while.
I'm sure you have told her again and again the reality of your situation. She obviously has no sympathy for anyone but herself.
When the wedding is over she may return to her former self. However, despite the length of your friendship, she appears to be a fair weather friend with a serious case of egomania.
If she can't wrap her mind around "doctor ordered bed rest for the safety of you and your baby", there's something seriously wrong with her.
Send her the link to this question so she can see what the REAL world thinks of her self absorbsion.
Good luck and CONGRATS on your long awaited baby.
2007-09-21 05:45:39 · answer #11 · answered by alisongiggles 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋