Okay my husband has done 2 tours to iraq i know some of you are saying big deal. I married him before the army stepped into his life but here are his times.
we got married in may of 03 with a 2 month baby.
in july of 03 early july the 12 of july he left for basic.
I didnt see him until oct 1 03 for one day
i didnt get to see him again until nov 03 for 1 week
than again in dec 03 for 2 weeks christmas
than again in feb 14 04
in march 24 04 he left and i didnt see him again until oct 04 for 2 weeks r and r
than he got home feb 16 2005 left again nov 9 2005 didnt see him again until march 15 06 for 2 weeks r and r
he returned home nov 1 2006
since his return until now he has been gone for training which has been weeks at a time several times and 24 hour duties several times
my question is am i shelfish for wanting him to get out of the military his time is near up
2007-09-21 05:29:40 · 13 answers · asked by Rachael 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I understand how you feel. Hopefully he didn't make the decision to join the military without your consent. If you agreed when the decision was made, then that means you were willing to accept the fact that this is very much a part of life in the military. I have all the respect in the world for your husband for doing something a majority of people in this country would never have the guts to do. me being one of them. I have 4 family members in the marines, 2 serving in Iraq and one in Afghanistan right now. So I very much understand how this life works. I don't think your being selfish, but this is something you and your husband definitely need to sit down and talk about. Good luck to you and your husband and god bless America and our service members.
2007-09-21 05:40:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Damn it, I'll say it YES you are being selfish. Totaly freakin' selfish. It's pretty obvious from your story that he joined because you had a baby. You knew and he knew that this is a time of war and being that he joined the ARMY, he would deply again and again. That's the way it is. Does he want to leave the Army? He probably loves his job and then you just compain abut it.
My husband has been in the AF for 3 1/2 years of his 6 year enlistment. He has been deployed for over two years so far an will leave again in December (yes, right before Christmas) . Would I ever ask him to leave the AF? NO! He loves his job and loves his family. I support him and I know how to make this family work even when he's half a world away. It takes a special person to be a military wife, so people just don't have what it takes.
2007-09-21 13:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by mustangsally76 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply put yes but that is not a bad mouthing of you; if he had a civilian job causing the same amount of seperation then you would probably feel the same way..this is a gues based on what you said. You should discuss it with him and let him know how you feel; I would not recommend threatening him with "either get out or else I leave you" because he might be a stubborn person like me and pack your bags, yes I did but fifteen years was a lot to throw away and I was in and on my second enlistment when I got married. The reason I say that is because if his feelings mena so little to you that it is your way or you go home then it isn't going to last anyway. The bottom line is simply put-if he wants to stay in the Army then is the time you have with him worth the pain of seperation or not? If it isn't then then the marriage probably won't last anyway regardless of what he does. Really something you two need to discuss and then decide. My wife changed her tune and stayed and we lasted a few years longer but we did divorce after I retired because I wouldn't stay in Southern California where she was raised and she had alays returned there to live when I went overseas-she actually was over 100 miles from her famly for a less then three years out of fifteen; I had been away for over twenty and honestly did not like Southern California that much.
2007-09-21 12:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by GunnyC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't know if you're shelfish, however if you're looking for advise here and able to recite how little he's been with you since you two got married then there certainly is a problem with the marriage. The real questions you should be asking is "What am I going to do if he reenlists?" and "If he gets out, will things be any better?".
I realize that you have been on your own alot since you were married and I understand how that has been very stressful for you with a new born baby. The events of the past are secondary to the future that lays ahead of you. Are you prepared to make the same type of decisions you're going to ask of him?
What happens if he decides he isn't ready to get out of the military? Drawing lines in the sand require people to cross them, he's either going to cross over to you or you might find that line dividing you two forever...
2007-09-21 13:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by oscarsix5 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, Dear. You are not selfish. You are normal. It take a VERY special spouse to be married to a soldier. That's why the official Army numbers say that divorce in the Army is at 95% and rising. That is not a slam on you and the other spouses, it just means there is a special breed of person who can put up with all the bull. I know, I am on my 3rd wife right now.
2007-09-21 13:02:21 · answer #5 · answered by nsrnugn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the life of a military wife. If he wants out of the Army, then yes he should finish his time and be done with it. If this is what he wants to do as a career, then you'll have to find a way to deal with it. I love my husband and totally supported his decision to join the Marines. He's now been in 8 years and re-enlisted for another 4. It gets tough, but you have to be strong. When you think you've got it rough, remember that when he's gone, he missing you and is thinking of you often. They have the harder job, and they have to deal with being away from you and your child.
2007-09-21 15:26:10 · answer #6 · answered by .. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of wives feel the same way. This is something only you and your spouse can work out. My bet is that while he understands how you feel about his being gone so often, he may see staying in as a way to provide for his family, ensure you are taken care of and to build towards a successful career when he does get out. You and he need to find time to sit down and talk, kid free, about your feelings and his, the concerns you both may have and figure out what is best for your family. it may be that taking one more enlistment, giving you ample time to plan may be the best compromise.
2007-09-21 14:58:18 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Army did not step into his life. HE SIGNED on the dotted line, took an oath, and all that. He wasn't drafted.
Is he a reservist? If so, that's one of the chances you take when you accept the benefits (education $$, etc.)
I feel for you but he has an obligation to fill. Be as supportive as you can.
2007-09-21 14:36:43 · answer #8 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not selfish for wanting him to get out of the military. (Although, perhaps you ARE a "shelfish", with the amazing ability to type for a crustacean.) ;)
As humans, we all crave love -- and even moreso, unconditional love. How can you blame yourself for wanting the human affection you are lacking, from the one you've devoted your life to, no less?
He's doing an honorable service to our country, and it's just an unrealistic request to ask your typical everyday person to let go of attachment, especially with someone you've devoted your life to and love dearly. But such is life nowadays...
Perhaps soldiers to need to be like samurais, who -- if i recall correctly -- do not have any attachments, like relationships when they go out to battle.
It's probably a good thing for him to know that he has someone out there who loves him, while he's out in the battlefields. He probably misses you too, but he is trained on focusing on what he needs to do. But unfortunately, not everyone wins, as the spouse is waiting at home without training on being focused on what they need to do.
I may be rambling, but even though I'm a single, 32 year-old male , I can feel the pain you are going through.
So, all I can say is "hang in there" and hopefully one day you'll get to where you want things to be in your life.
2007-09-21 12:48:51 · answer #9 · answered by MindBullets 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not a shellfish. That is a lobster, crab or shrimp. You are an army wife who has been tortured by the Bush presidency. You husband needs to get out now and be a father for his children.
2007-09-21 12:47:49 · answer #10 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋