i'm not sure how i should be feeling about this, so i'd appreciate any input. i'm in my mid 30's and my biological father has never been a part of my life. he and my mother divorced when i was a baby and he gave up visitation rights when i was 5. every ten years or so i'd get a phone call, he wanted something from me. about 4 years ago he called and i finally let out over 25 years of pent up anger and let him have it. now i found out he's dying and has a month to live. as soon as i find out where he is, i plan to go see him, not for him, but i feel it's something that i need to do for me. my question is this: how am i supposed to feel considering what i've written? i don't love him, i don't even know him, but a small part of me is sad and that's confusing the heck out of me. i'm not having the response i thought i'd have. thought?
2007-09-21 04:38:31 · 5 answers · asked by Brian S 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well you going to see your father even though he's sick isn't going to do any good he left you when you were a baby and sure as hell didn't give a rats *** about you. If you go up there that's just showin that yuou care about him but also that you don't give a rats *** about him leaving you when you were little. Also, think about it cause he may be doing it to take advantage of you.
2007-09-21 04:49:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do love him. And that's ok. You can still love someone who treated you like you didn't matter. Remember that that's his stuff though, not yours. His behavior has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
You do not have to forgive him, however you need to say goodbye. The sadness you are feeling is the grief that he will never be able to make amends, but the truth is, he's not ever been capable, even if he lived for another 50yrs, he still wouldn't be capable of changing himself or how he treated that little boy that he walked away from.
People do stupid things in life and many times we don't get a change to change them, or we just aren't capable. What you should look for is the peace of knowing that you are a better person for doing the right thing. When we get stuck with bad parents, the very best thing we can do is parent ourselves and then change things for those we bring into the world. Blessings.
2007-09-21 12:42:08 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres no way that u should or shouldnt feel but i think seeng him would help alot, it will give u closure when he does pass away... if u dont visit consider how u might feel when he does. Words dont need 2 b said in anger when u do see him jus make sure he knows exacly how u feel and ur reasons 4 going 2 see him. Apart of u wil always care about him because u are a part of him. Im sorry ur going through this.
2007-09-21 11:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by babyface 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would do it go see him with an open mind. Let him speak his piece, as there may be a lot more to the story that you don't know. I feel that seeing him and discussing with him what happened and reconciling with him will help bring closure for you and help you move on with your life, whether you forgive him or not.
2007-09-21 12:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by Kazama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is best for you and then let it go. Of course you feel some attachment because he is your biological father, but it's not surprising you don't feel the need to be there for him. He wasn't there for you and this is the way that comes back around to people who don't live up to their responsibilities earlier in life. Do what you need to for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.
2007-09-21 12:20:47 · answer #5 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋