Am I too messed up to find a girlfriend?

Question

I am 46 year old with 1 kid from previous gf who left me cos of drug/alcohol addiction. I have one son in London and another son in Japan, I am still married to my wife for her and my son but we are not in relatioship. The girl I fell in love with in Australia doesnt want me unless I divorce my wife. I think she deserves better than me. I dont have a job because of psychological problems. I am booked of sick on antidepressants. I go to meetings for drug and alcohol problems. I dont have money. I live in a closed hostel. I like heavy metal.

My wife married me to live in England but is now in Japan with my son. If I divorce her it is a bad thing in Japan, its OK to be married but without husband,to have child with no marriage is shameful. I love my wife too much for giving me a son to divorce her unless this is what she wants.

1 Hour free Internet at library and free internet at some internet shops unlimited time.

Answer 1

It sounds like you answered your own question. Get your own life together before you try to share it with someone else. Also, divorce your wife if you are not going to be in an active marriage with her, it will allow you both to move on and it sounds as if you both deserve this type of freedom from one another - you can still be good parents regardless of a marital bond that is nothing but a piece of paper anyway. Good luck with the addictions, etc... as a friend of Bill's I know you can have a beautiful life if you work your program with deep sincerity. What kind of music you like doesn't matter.

Answer 2

You must feel Little better after writing all of that, I've done something similar where i just sat down with a pen and a paper and just wrote the most random crap ever.
Chin up mate we all have these types of questions and things running thru our heads. To stop old habits you must start new ones, get out of the hostel one day and wonder around the city or something. The best way to change is small steps, one giant leap wont do crap. Just remember that we are born knowing that we will die, but its all up to us on how we fill that time, and its up to you to keep yourself occupied in a good way to keep your mind off the bad habits that you have gotten over the years.

P.S
can you tell me the name of the hostel,because i have had a load of friends who have in the past stayed in them and none of them have Internet access 24/7 and according to your answers and questions on here you clock up some amount of Internet time LOL

Answer 3

Yes, you are without a doubt "too messed up to find a girlfriend."

You have a lot of things you need to resolve before you can begin looking at a relationship.That girl from australlia probably just likes trying to fix people. That kind of attraction never works long term because ither you change and then there's no attraction left, or you don't change and the girl gets frustrated and leaves.

It's lose lose all around, so fix yourself before you look for someone else.

Answer 4

Well, if you feel your life isn't "together" and you are working on your own mental health issues, ask yourself:

"do i have anything to give EMOTIONALLY to a woman right now?"

you really NEED a lot, but what do you have to give at this point in your life? BOTH of you need to give and take... and if you feel you'd be taking more than giving (in every way), then you're not ready for a relationship.

Hon, loads of us believe we are "messed up" and many of us are!! We all go through phases, and i'm sorry you are having such problems. It does seem you are working toward improving your life, which is good.

Do what you think is right and fair.

Answer 5

Yeah you are, sorry. And if you are able to keep a gf for longer than a wk, she will leave you because you probably manifest other problems that you are unaware of when you are under the influence of these drugs and alcohols.

I pray you find a way to get over your addictions which are making you weak. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 6

No one is too messed up to find a girlfriend/boyfriend. But ask yourself how attracted to someone with your kind of lifestyle you would be.

Living in a hostel is not a good way to live - where could you be alone with someone?

I think you need to take a good long look at your life, and see where you could make some changes.

Answer 7

for now, yes. I would concentrate on myself and go to the meetings and get mental health counselling apply for disability benefits and get a divorce it doesnt do u the mother or the kid any good to live like that there are plenty of helplines around to get u through this good luck and like i said worry about yourself and not any relationships

Answer 8

You truly need help.
If you dont have $ how do you get access to a computer w/internet?

I mean I dont wanna be mean but Just stay single.
When you have a girlfriend you need money & obviously you need a job.

My advice it to first get your life staright & love yourself for who you are & then look for a girlfriend,
Good Luck Sweetie!

Answer 9

I think that you need to deal with your problems first before you have someone else all involved in your mess. You should tell her you are not ready for a relationship, because you have some things you need to work on.

Answer 10

Nah, I don't think so. I'm sure there's some woman out there who thinks they can come in and solve all your problems. Women like to change men & feel needed & u do sound like a challenge.