Does any one who has come from a 'broken home' feel that their childhood has made them doubt themselves as a

Question

parent? I don't have children and although I feel maternal I am scared that history will repeat itself and if I had them I would mess them up. Anyone have similar feelings?

Answer 1

the fear and the realization that you childhood was not ideal are actually good. You have learned how to NOT parent a child. Apply that experience toward being a good parent. My hubby was beat religiously by his father. He has broken the cycle of violence, and we are raising our kids all the better for it. Good luck!

Answer 2

Yes, but as I get older it is less often.

I could write a book on coming from a broken home, marrying and divorcing causing my children to come from a broken home, being a single mom, dealing with ex's, combining 2 families, being the step-parent, having a step parent etc. This is what I have learned

I could give you all the advice in the world, but, until you actually have a child and start that part of your life, really the best advice anyone can give you is to say. "You will do things that your parents do, but probably not the really bad things because you are concerned about those issue's now. You will understand your parents motives on issue's as you raise your own child. You will make your own mistakes as a parent, You will worry whether you are doing the right things all the time. You will handle the situations good and bad as they happen. And as you get older and wiser you will change how you approach issue's. And in the end, as long as you love your child, been in your child's life, be able to say I was wrong or you were wrong, but I love you, you will be the best parent you can be."

As I age along with my kids, including my 2 step daughters I notice that what I thought was right 10 years ago, (oldest child 16) is not what I think now. You need support and the best advice of all is something I say all the time and everyone knows what I mean when I say this.

"IT TAKES A VILLIAGE TO RAISE A CHILD".

Your child will be with many different people in their life. From neighbors with kids. People from Church. All the kids and teachers from School. All you can do is help them understand the different people in your villiage as they will all be a part of your childs life, even those we would rather not have in our lives.

Good luck to you and by asking this question, you have already started being a parent. Trust your heart.

Answer 3

Unfortunately you do not always have a say in the way a relationship turns out. And with the divorce rate hovering around 50% there is half a chance it wont work. Nothing is guaranteed but I can say the bigger the risk, the sweeter the rewards.

But a split family is not neccessarily a bad thing. My daughters mother and I get along, we both support out daughter and even take her out to dinner together once a month so we can all be on the same page.

And in the meantime I have met a woman with kids of her own so we have 4 between us and we have a very close knit family, it is all how you handle the situation. As long as everyone supports the kids and doesnt use them as leverage against the other parent things will be fine. Trust me I am happier than ever, and so is my daughter.

Answer 4

TRUST yourself....History does not have to repeat itself. A "broken" home is not the worse thing. It is how it is handled!
I do not believe, like some, that you stay together for the "children". Sometimes circumstances require a split for all parties involved, including children. This does not mean that it has to have a negative effect on the children. It is how the "adults" handle the situation that is negative.
I think because of my childhood situation, it made me a "better" parent. I learned what NOT to do and what kind of parent I wanted to be. I was not perfect but, I did my best to make a happy home and raised two beautiful children without a "good example".
Life is what you make it and children learn what they live. So, it is up to you what kind of parent you will chose to be.
Good luck and don't give up!

Answer 5

It's normal to have those feelings. My husband and I both had a "broken" childhood...his was much worse though. We keep in mind the way we felt as kids and then use that knowledge in dealing with our children day to day. If you are in the right relationship, it will all work out: just communicate your fears AND your hopes for your kids with each other. Also, if you end up not being in that relationship, just think back to what would have made you feel better as a kid, parents split and all, and then go from there. All you need to do is wrap each child in love and encouragement and never let a day go by without spending quality time with them and really listening to them!

Answer 6

My parents were completely selfish freaks.

On a trip recently to visit my dad and his wife, my childhood best friend's mother told me that there were times when she didn't think my brother and I would make it. I thought that a lot of that was behind me and I broke down and cried!

I personally don't believe that you can just learn from watching someone make mistakes. I knew that I didn't want to do the same things to my girls that my parents put my brother and I through and I know that in a crisis moment, (which is about every other moment when you are with a kid!!!), you often react with tools that you have at hand, the tools your parents give you growing up, (not real tools, metaphorical tools like coping, anger managment, patience, confidence, etc.)

Before I had kids I made a very conscious effort to fortify the tools in my toolbox (a great pop-psych word!!) and continue to do so. I've gone to counseling, I've read a million books, I've spent time with a lot of kids.

Now, 11 years after my first daughter was born, I feel so distant from those days of my unfortunate youth!!!!

Now my goal is for each of my kids to have a full toolbox at their disposal when the reach adulthood. I want them to be confident that they can overcome their adult struggles because they were successful with their childhood and teen struggles.

It's a great adventure. Good luck on yours!!!!

Answer 7

Hubby and i have often joked..were gonna mess our kids up we just dont know how yet lol but on a serious note.....

My mother and father divorced when i was two and my mom raised me til i was 10 then signed me over to my dad because she had problems and couldnt/didnt want to deal with me. She was in and out of my life until a few years ago when i put a stop to her madness. anyways its made me want to be a better mom. I never want my kids to question my feelings towards them. She taught me what NOT to do as a parent. I've been married for 9 years now have two great kids and couldnt be happier. History doesnt have to repeat itsself.

Answer 8

My husband and I both come from homes where are parents were divorced multiple times. I am not worried about being a bad parent because of this, but my husband and I are very committed to working through our problems because of it. The last thing I want to do to my child is leave (which is what my mom did. I only saw her every other weekend) or take my child from his father.
I do understand it is sometimes necessary and even in the child's best interest for the parents to separate, but I also feel that people give up to easily. I said I would love my husband forever and sometimes I find this hard to do, but because of my son we work through it.

Answer 9

I don't believe so. I came from a broken home and I learned from my parents mistakes. I have 2 kids and I know that I am a good mother. I grew up poor and my father later became an alcoholic. I was only poor because my parents didn't know how to control their money. I now have a great home and I am very careful with my money. I don't drink and always put my kids first. Just learn from your parents. You will do great

Answer 10

THERE IS SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT IF U CAME FROM A BROKEN HOME IT MAY BE REPEATED. EVERYONE HAS TO UNDERSTAND THAT ANY RELATIONSHIP IS WORK. MORE THAN U'R 40 HR JOB AT TIMES. THERE IS ALWAYS COUNSELING FOR U'RSELF OR AS A COUPLE.
NOT EVERY1 BECOMES DIVORCED. AND IF U HAVE CHILDREN IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT WILL HURT THEM. IT DEPENDS ON HOW THE SITUATION IS HANDLED.
I KNOW PARENTS WHO LIVE ON THE SAME STREET SO THEY WILL STILL BE WITH THEIR CHILDREN, ALWAYS. IT'S BEING "ADULT" ABOUT IT.
HOPE THIS HELPED. I AM FROM A BROKEN HOME AND IT HURT BECAUSE THE GROWN-UPS WHERE NOT ADULTS. MY CHILDREN ARE FROM A BROKEN HOME AND I GOT MOTHERS DAY AND FATHERS DAY. SO, WHO WAS THE GROWN-UP ADULT?
SORRY 4 THE CAPS, 1 HAND