My Girlfriend wants to keep her ex-husbands last name when we marry. Am I wrong to object?

Question

She says she want to keep the same name as her kids. She has to boys, one 27 the other 23. Both are married themselves.

Answer 1

No you are not being unreasonable to object. I would think that is common sense. Something tells me there is more to this story. You might want to check into this.

Answer 2

It would be nice symbolism if she switched from the last name she originally obtained from her husband to yours. That's what I would do, had I kept my ex's last name.

However: Although she originally obtained that last name from her husband, she's had it at least 27 years. (I'm assuming she married the ex, then had the kids.) That's a long time to "squat" a last name. It's become her last name, regardless of the original origin. She's had that name longer than many brides have their birth name. Maybe she likes that name better than yours. While it would be nice if she switched to your name, it's her name, her choice.

Yes, you have the right to object: in a diplomatic, non-argumentative, non-emotionally blackmailing way. But ultimately, as I said, "her name, her choice." I hope you will respect whatever decision she makes. After all, the relationship is more important than a name, and starting an argument over it would defeat that purpose.

Answer 3

It depends what the circumstances are. Does she have a child with her ex? Maybe it's for professional reasons? If she doesn't really have a reason, then you have all the reason to object!

Ask her why she wants to keep the same name as the kids. If they were in school, I would understand, because other kids ask questions and are cruel. But her kids are already married.

Answer 4

You have the right to object, just as much as she has the right to say she will keep it. Ask her for the honest reason on why she will keep the last name. Also you can also tell her why you would want her to use your name or her maiden as she is no longer with her exhusband.

And you can suggest in helping out with whatever it may be to change the name. As in taking her to the social security office, paying the expenses on name changing, calling credit card companies, banks and driverslisence centers.. Tell her you will help her out if she thinks it will be a difficult task.

Answer 5

Depends why she's keeping it. Is she already deep into her career? My best friend's mom kept her ex husband's name when she got re-married because she already had a reputation in her field.

Maybe she really doesn't like your last name and it has more to do with the name itself than with who it's tied to.

Ask her why - you didn't give enough info for a well-directed answer.

EDIT: I think the fact that she wants to keep the same name as her kids is totall valid! I think in that case she should keep her current last name if that's what she wants to do.

Answer 6

Many divorced women choice not to change their last name so that they have the same name as their children. However, since her children are adults and have started families of their own it is unusual for her to continue to want to use the same name when she is getting remarried.

It may be that she is simply an independent woman.She may want to keep her own identity. Despite the last name being her ex's, it has been her name for so long (assuming that she adopted it before her first child) that it has become a part of her.

Answer 7

if she is marrying you then i dont think there is anything going on because if she still had feelings for her ex or whatever, she would not marry you and keeping his last name would not do anything for her. if i was her and i had kids i might not want to change my last name because id want the kids to have the same last name as me no matter what theyre age. but imagine if her kids were girls , would that make a difference would she still not want your last name even though her girls might get married and change their names? maybe she wants to keep it because its just easier than changing her name in everything. wont other people wonder why your both married and have different last names? just tell her your upset by this and you want to share the same last name and feel properly married and she doesnt need to worry about anything because you'll never leave her......other than that there isnt much else you can do...

Answer 8

I agree with the person that said that it is a BIG hassle to get everything changed over and also agree for professional reasons also. But another major reason is: if she has kids and she wants them to have the same last name as her, it is a problem having a different last name than the kids also.
BUT, if more kids are to come then yes she needs to change it in time.

Other than those, no she should get it changed, why hold onto old baggage.

Answer 9

I don't think you're wrong. It's one thing for a woman to keep her own last name, or hyphenate or whatever the new trend is, but I find it odd for a woman to want to keep her ex-husband's last name when preparing to marry a man she truly loves. I hope she changes her mind - good luck.

Answer 10

My mother-in-law did the same thing, she's re-married now, but still has the same last name as my husband & her ex. Try not to read into it too much, the attachment is to her children, not her ex.

Answer 11

If her children were small I could see keeping the last name so not confuse anyone. They are grown adults and there is no reason to keep her former husbands name