Too many young mums?

Question

I don't want to put all young mums down because there are some who take the responsibilities seriously & do the best by their child & don't sponge off the government.But there are far too many young mums who do not have a clue. I see them out & about with their babies, smoking, its cold & most of the time the baby has a summer dress on with bare arms & legs with no blanket.As a stay at home mum to a 10 month old i meet a lot of other mums, one who's 19yrs old with a 9 month old. She has a partner but no home,he works but they want a council house, the baby is carted from both their parents houses.She has an active social life, goes out to get drunk twice a week, does aqua fit,weightwatchers,driving lessons & palms the baby off,apparently all her friends do this.She moaned to me that people think just because she has a baby she has to stop being a teenager & its not fair. Well my answer is don't have a baby at such a young age if your not mentally ready to sacrifice your young years.

No im not whinging, why bother answering in such a retarded way, i was hoping for a discussion.

Carly- read the start of my thread, not all young mums are like this.

Shuggie- not sure how i get through day to day life with my lack of common sense. Maybe my thread is too close for comfort if it offends you.
I won't change my view, its hard work being a parent & you can have a social life, but more than twice a week? come on, especially at the tax payers expense. Anyway my point was she said why should i stop being a teenager? because your a mum , time to grow up me thinks!

Kat- Yes britney spears is becoming the role model perhaps? She shows that you can have kids, party, take drugs. How can it be that hard if she lives that way?

Just to add, although this girls partner works full time, they are not married & she was bragging at how she gets over £100 a week in benefits so has no need to work, shes also been offered £500 free rent on a flat, they are going down the claim to be a single parent route.
Yes its none of my business but its happening all the time, this is one example.I feel for the babies.

I seem to have upset some people with my views.I am young at 24yrs, & i am lucky to be married to a hard working guy who keeps a roof over our heads.I looked after our daughter without much help & haven't been able to palm her off at my parents to go out & have my jolly's, not that i want to even though it is tough at times. And yes there are neglectful mothers of all ages, i just don't think its right to go out getting drunk when you have a baby to care for & then to moan about the restrictions babies put on you is ridiculous.Im far from a perfect mum but i put my baby first & thats how it should be. There have been some great opinions on this x

Answer 1

I agree as well. I am against teen pregnancy. I see it like this if you want to go out and party, drink and do whatever you want down have a baby.
After the baby comes all of that has to stop. Your life consists of your child now not you going out and partying and throwing your kid off on the grandparents.

People should use birth control if they don't want to give up their ways so soon. I think all teenagers should be made to get on birth control because they are not even close to being ready to take care of a baby when they can't even take care of themselves.

Answer 2

In your profile it says you are twenty four with a baby, and if you put this into context there is very little difference between say an eighteen or nineteen year old with a baby and a twenty four year old. I think society likes to blame the weakest ones, if I could have a pound for everytime I have seen someone on here blame young parents, people on the dole and asylum seekers for societies problems I would be rich. Whilst some young parents are disfunctional and don't have the emotional capabilities of being a good parent, there is a large proportion of older parents that think leaving their children in a nursery five days a week is acceptable...when clearly it isn't. The issue is not how old parents are, but their ability to provide for and love their child. There are many parents over thirty that don't know their **** from their elbow when it comes to looking after children so I feel pin pointing the young parents is totally wrong!
I think tax payers should stop pointing their fingers at young mums, as many young mums do have job and do pay their way, if we are talking about people claiming benefits, why not talk about the thousands of adults that claim dole money because they can't be bothered to find a job. Its too easy to blame the weak ones as I mentioned before.

Answer 3

I see where you are coming from. But not all young mothers are like that. I am 21 and I have a 9 months old baby girl and her dad is 26 when been living together for a little over a year and been dating for 4 years. I have a full time job at an army medical hospital and my BF is a Police Officer we both want to college and finished. I have a great baby sitter for her and I take great care of my baby always food, diapers, wipes clean cloths for her and etc. She has a bath every night and a night time story some times twice a day if she needs it. I don't get money from the state, my mom or dad nor his parents. I take care of my family. We don't drink, smoke and I don't like clubs. I go out with my bf like 1 time a month if that. Not all young mothers are stupid. But I do agree most don't have a clue.

Answer 4

That may be but what about all of the older mums who dont have a clue either, they dont get slated because they are seen as 'being an appropriate age' and knowing how to do things properly but age doesnt necessarily mean more wisdom/intelligence/common sense. I am young mum myself and I have gone to lots of groups with my baby and met other mums (most of which have been a lot older than myself) and they ask questions which are just rediculous, ''oh, I didnt realise you werent supposed to give them that'', ''how is it you do this for them again?'' etc. and all of these older 'more competent mothers' (apparantly) are always commenting on how their babies go to the grandparents every weekend so they can 'have a break' which usually involves a massive piss up and an even bigger hangover which means they cant look after baby that day either so baby's stay at grandmas gets extended. Since falling pregnant while on the pill and having my little girl I have had in total 2 nights out on J2O-thats right, no alcohol! and my baby has stopped out at grandmas house I would say about 5 times if not less and that was because my mum practically stole her for the night. I do not drink when I am in charge of her, I do not smoke, and I do not 'sponge off the government'. I know a lady, in her mid 30's, who got her steralisation reversed a year before her eldest left school just so that she could have another baby and not loose out on any money, and then she got steralised again after the baby was born. Now just because you are a good mother (I am presuming you are older from this post) and that teenage girl isnt particularly good (in your eyes) it doesnt mean thats the same for everyone, as you have pointed out some young mums do take their responsibilities seriously but dont forget, there are a hell of a lot of older mums who dont have a clue either, so think before you comment on something like this, just because the media can seem to get away with it, check all the facts first!

Answer 5

So I now read this post and I still agree with what I said in my other answer. (Also Shuggie meant you speak with common sense, which he feels is usually lacking in the answers, I think you misunderstood him..) I do agree tho that this is not a syndrome that is limited to young mothers. There are bad mothers of all ages and financial levels. But I think when the moms are young and poor AND irresponsible is the worst situation for a child. My mom always told me she grew up in a poor family but her family was wealthy in love and stability. That is the key elements that are missing in these children's lives. If parents really love their children, they will make sacrifices for them. I don't mean never go out and have fun. But twice a week I agree is too much. I can see maybe once or twice a month, going out to dinner or a movie, but the constant partying, it's not right. And look at Brittany Spears now...she just lost the rights to her children. Thank God!

Answer 6

I totally agree with you, there are some very good young mums out there who do everything right in terms of caring for their children, but then there are the others that deliberately get pregnant for the $4000 baby bonus we get here for having a child. The bonus is to help buy big ticket items like cot and pram etc and also to buy clothes and stuff the baby needs along the way. I have a friend who is 20yrs old (I'm 30) She got pregnant before me (whoopsie) and she was about 16, I was pregnant about 7 months later (I had been actively trying for 10 yrs) She was going out every weekend about a month after having her daughter getting drunk and sleeping till noon. my child did not sleep and I had no help (my parents live on the other side of Australia) and it was me and my partner with this tiny screaming bundle of doom. I was a bit miffed that she was complaining how she wasn't getting much sleep and didn't get ANY time to herself because the baby needed so much attention, and we were living off 2-3 hours per night for 6 months and did not get one night off in all that time. Luckily she has not had any more children, I have had 1 more, but she still complains about how kindergarten is only a half day instead of a full day, whinge whinge, but she loves her pay day, doesn't work etc. My partner works full time and I am in uni to become a social worker and it is damn hard to do it all and look after two kids at the same time with no family support, we don't use daycare because we can't afford it, waah waah waah (I could go o forever, lol)
If you go and have sex, remember you may get pregnant no matter what your age, if you get pregnant a whole life will be in your hands. It is up to you what you do to help mold that little one into a decent member of society.

Answer 7

i understand you point however there is no law to say what age a woman should have a child. im nearly 20 and im expecting my first child in march. i am too worried about missing out but i understand that i have more of a reward if i stay at home because i have created a beautiful child that not all women can experience. my friend has three children and she is 20. before her children she was going out all the time etc and we didnt think she would cope but her babies have changed her and she is so happy with her life as a mum. my cousing also has a child (shes 21) and she does everything for her baby but needs the break from it and so her mum looks after baby very saturday night so not only can she go out but her mum can take baby to church on the sunday morning. grandparents dont always mind about looking after their grandchildren because its better thn shipping them off to child minder. you have to understand that people deal with their life differently and it might not be how you would do it but its her life so leave her alone

Answer 8

I had three children by the age of 24 the first two at 18 and 19 I gave up my youth to be a parent I took some hard jobs but supported them. My husband worked two and three jobs but we made it. I was different I didn't want a stranger watching my kids so my sister did and only for work hours I came straight home and took over as i am their mother. It bothers me that young people have babies that they do not understand what it takes to be responsible for them. I am glad I had mine so young because now that they are grown the youngest being 20 years old is working and going to school the other two both hold good jobs. I am free to what I want now and now have the money for it. I don't regret not going to the bars and hanging out. All the time I hung out with my kids, now I can vacation and do the things I want to do. So it can be a two sided coin.

Answer 9

There are older moms who do the same thing. My cousin [25] has a six month old daughter. She still goes drinking. Leaves raising her kid to my grandmother [75] and is just not a good mother.

I do know young mothers who are awful as well. I have a friend who is nineteen with a four year old son. Her parents care for the child. She doesn't even live in the same home.

However, I am a young mom. I got pregnant with my son at seventeen. I am nothing of the sort. I hate getting drunk. My parents and my husband's parents live thousands of miles away and we raise him all by ourselves. I wanted to become a mother and now I'm so fortunate I have my son.

The point of all this is that there are good moms and there are bad moms--regardless to age. It doesn't mater if you are nineteen, twenty-five, or thirty-two. Chances are the moms who do have their kids young, ask for help from the government, and don't care for their children would do the same at a later age. So, it all comes down to morals but not so much age.

Answer 10

Has anyone ever heard of the saying "It takes a villiage to raise a baby"? I can understand your worry of totally neglecting your kid, but going out every now and then is not wrong. Everyone needs a break and I think it's also good for your child. I have fond memories of staying over night at my grandparents house when I was very little. I loved it! My mom even told me that when my baby comes in march, she cannot wait to baby sit for us, even taking baby over nite sometimes to give us a break. I think your doing more harm than good if you constantly smother your child. What happens when they go to school and they are not used to leaving home for 8 hours a day? Your going to have a screaming child on your hands! I don't think it's about yound or old. It's about moderation. Too much of anything is bad.

Answer 11

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first child and am currently pregnant with my second. I returned to work after my mayernity leave and intend to do the same again. My child has stayed out overnight about 4/5 times and he is 2 and a half now. Not all young mums are the same. Some of us love our children and provide for them ourselves.