How would you handle this? Therapy hasn't helped, multiple drug trials failed, and I'm still suicidal.

Question

I do admit that I'm not doing so well. I've been a good patient and never missed therapy, tried nearly all antidepressants (newer and older ones, a few of them multiple trials). It hard to keep positive when nothing seems to stop the the horrible relentless hurtful feelings. It has come to this. I just can't deal with the medications and therapy. I just want the pain to stop. I know that killing myself isn't fair to the people around me. I feel like a total loser. I can't even tell anyone how I really want to go. I know I will get the lecture on why suicide is wrong. What about me? I just want to go quietly. I know I'm going to get an ear full on how selfish I am. I don't expect anyone to understand. How would you handle this? Please don't worry. I know what to do when I the thoughts go beyond, "just thoughts". I have an agreement with my doctor that I would admit myself into the hospital. I feel like I just can't win!

Answer 1

You sound miserable.

Consider talking to your doctor about other options. Wouldn't it be nice if medication worked...because it appears to not be working in your case.

Without knowing specifics...your medications or what kind of therapy you are in...it is difficult to make recommendations....but here are a few to consider:

ECT therapy is still an option. It does work. Only mild memory loss I believe.

You could alter your diet dramatically. Drop possible toxins. Go on a fitness revamping. This can greatly alter neurotransmitters in your body.

Also, consider your life situation. Sometimes sleep deprivation can really turn you around. You don't mention how long you have been in therapy...but consider it...read up on it anyway. It works for some. Changin your circadian rhythms via changed sleeping patterns may help.

Consider changing your living situation. Maybe...no matter the medication, your life sucks for reasons outside of your control. Consider moving...getting more sun...you know reinventing yourself.

If being miserable is all you know..then it is hard to see the options. I don't know what causes your moods, could it be organic? If so...be more assertive with your doctor for treatment.

Old fashion options are for average patients. You sound more unusual.

As you know, there are no easy fixes. But one thing is certain, you know yourself...so explore.

I hope this helps. I understand.

Answer 2

By the sounds of it you still want to live. You still have thoughts of suicide however I can tell that you still want to live or else you wouldn't have bothered to ask this question. You didn't really go into what is making you feel suicidal. It is good that you are going to therapy, but therapy cannot fix everything, same goes for antidepressants. Fighting depression takes a lot, and you really have to look deep down into your self to find that strength to overcome this burden. I can understand how you feel right now, as I have been there before. You just need to keep pushing, the therapy and medicine may not be working now, but if you keep trying to live a stable life, eventually things will get better. I would certainly take a moment to think about what is causing your pain, and what else can stop it, other than ending it all. I know you can make it through. Suicide is a choice, it is not wrong or right. Don't put so much pressure on yourself like that.

Answer 3

You need to lay it all out to a psychiatrist and/or psychotherapist. It sounds like you've already done something like that, but you need to do more. First, you need to deal with the suicidal thoughts, and do so immediately. Call a hot line if you can't go straight to a clinic.

I've been in a psych ward twice, over a 16 year period, and I floundered with therapy also. That was because I wasn't getting the right therapy - I have an anxiety disorder that they used to throw in with general depression. Nowadays, there's more types of psychotherapy and meds. They figured things out for me, and I've been recovered for many years. Believe me, I felt hopeless the same as you.

Hang in there, and push the doctors around a little. They'll respond when they understand your true desperation. You have the right to take care of yourself, and to seek help from the appropriate sources. There's always hope.

Good luck and be blessed.

Answer 4

A lot of people go through bad times, I think the important thing to remeber is the old saying..This too shall pass...Try to remember that there WILL be better times in the future, and once you make it through the bad. Think of how much stronger you will be and how you will be able to help someone else when you made it through. There are times in life where a few minutes can seem like days, and days seem like years. It gets hard to see your life being any better than it is right now. But you have to have faith, not to sound too churchy but God will never put you through anything that you cant make it through. And Just think when you dont think things can get worse, they can only get better so try to look foreward to it. Even if it means just putting a smile on your face, or trying to happy for that moment. At least you have that short amount of time to be happy. Because really thats all we have...right now. SO you might as well try to forget the bad and make it better. You cant change the past so forget about it, look to the future! I hope this helps you..=]

Answer 5

For starters if you could find something else to think about.

You just don't seen to see yourself as fitting in any where.

The human body & soul need a rhythem & order,
Eating, sleeping, doing things (Things that have a positive effect on things) A person needs to be active enough so that they can sleep well. If you don't have a good active day followed by a sleep cycle you will feel that you just aren't in tune with the world around you.

So look around & see if there is something you could do do get your mind off of your problem. If it is only for a little while.
work at it to last longer.

Your not going to get over this in any easy way.
But you have the power to control what you have on your mind.

You can replace the bad thoughts with better thoughts.
Picture your self in the manner you would like to see your self in & little by little you will get it.

Answer 6

I have a brother that went through this sort of depression for quite awhile. Did you have a specific tramatic moment that may have contributed to this or is this just a "disease" that you have? My brother was put on a multitude of medications. He was just "diseased" with chronic depression. He could not stand the medications he was put on or the therapy. A year ago he made a decision that he was either going to fix himself or go through with his ongoing thoughts of killing himself.

He's not totally fixed but he keeps his mind off of the depression. He works full time, does many recreational activities such as; fishing, hunting, hanging out with friends. He also has kids with his wife and they keep very busy together. It is so much easier for him to deal with his depression when he is constantly busy.

I think that in the long run...he will be okay. Sometimes we can fix ourselves better than a professional..just depends on the situations I suppose.

Answer 7

Start talking to your pdoc about stabilizers. They often are the next step with refractory depression. Lamictal is an anticonvulsant with a lot of antidepressant properties. Another route is supplementing an AD with Lithium. Lithium is a very good med, and since it's been around forever, more is known about it than any other psych med, including SSRIs. Further, there are two antipsychotics (no you don't have to be pscyhotic!) with antidepressants qualities - Abilify and Geodon. These are basic meds for bipolar, but they also are used for refractory depression. Since they are entirely different types of meds, you still have a big door to open into another even bigger room. In other words, you still have lots of options. For more info, try this website dedicated to psych meds. Don't let it's name put you off. It is very credible.

http://www.crazymeds.org

As for therapy, maybe a change in therapist is appropriate providing you aren't just trying to avoid something difficult. And, as for your pdoc, if s/he isn't willing to look at stabilizers and wants to just try more of the same, start thinking about a different one who will provide fresh perspective and approach.

Answer 8

I have to agree with the first guy. You have to find a higher power. I'm not a religious person at all, and like he said, not religion, just something greater than yourself that you believe in. I also agree with the guy that said you should try exercise. that really seems to help a lot of people including my sister who is suicidal off and on. when she is exercising she feels much better. and people DO care about you and want you to be happy.

Answer 9

Please seriously consider Ketamine treatment. There is a place in Florida that has an inpatient facility for detoxifying alcoholics using Ketamine treatment. They also have an outpatient facility for treating people with depression.
I have
Major Depressive Disorder,
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,
Dissociative Personality Disorder,
Seasonal Affective Disorder,
Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder,
as well as anxiety.
I have tried lots of treatments over the years as I am quite suicidal. The best thing I ever did for myself is Ketamine treatment. (I did mine unofficially) I am now saving up money to go to Florida and be treated officially. I will have to get enough money not only for the treatment but also for room and board while I am receiving treatment in Florida. I know the treatment will cure me. I had such excellent results with the bit of self administered Ketamine I had, that I am fully convinced that it will save me and that is the wave of the future in treatment for people with treatment resistant depression. Go to this website and click the "contact us" under "resources" on the left hand side of the page and email them and tell them that you are interested in Ketamine for treating your depression. Please seriously consider this option as I do believe that it will help you immensely and profoundly. Read all you can about Ketamine treatment, find hope, have faith in it, collect your pennies and go to Florida as soon as you can!

Answer 10

Well I honestly believe suicide is alright to do. If someone doesn't feel their life is worth living then they really should just end it. There is no sense going around and making yourself suffer for the sake of others. Most people really don't care as much as you would think. I've tried to kill myself many times but since I am no fan of pain, I usually don't do any long term damage to myself. The thing is I've told people about this, I've had therapy, and I've even taken tons of medication. Honestly it just makes you worse due to the 10,000 side effects medication has.

For some reason, I decided to work out because I just couldn't stand how I looked any more and I figured with my weight I could probably trigger a really nifty heart attack. Well obviously it didn't do that but I came to realize something. They say that working out releases endorphines which makes you happy and happy people don't kill themselves (yes this was a very bad quote from Legally Blonde and I'm ashamed of myself). It is true. When you work out, you seem to feel better about yourself. You may want to try that if you are not currently active physically. Other than that, I'm really sorry for your pain because it really just takes a toll on your entire being. Good luck.