is it fair for my father in law to demand an apology for what he started??

Question

My husband and me, had an argument with his parents over his dad trying to tell me how to raise our kids, and how to do everything, i told him i thought he was wrong on a lot of the parts like giving the kids(11, 9, 8, 6, 5) a nap everyday, and that they shouldnt be able to dress how they like(which is approved by me before going in public), and that i have to have dinner on the table by 4:30 every night i dont feel he was right, and i asked him where he was while his kids were growing up? (he was driving truck and never home) and his house is so cluttered you can barely walk through it, and he told me my house is a mess, when the only clutter here is hidden, or organized. Now he is DEMANDING an apology from us before he will talk to us again, what are your thoughts on this??? I was polite as i could be with him running me down in front of my kids and my parents. Even my parents dont agree with him !

my husband did stand up for me that is why my father in law is DEMANDING an apology from teh both of us and they are even holding it against the kids too they havent taken them since mid july because they are mad at us

my husband also refuses to apologize to him its not he first time they have gotten in to a fight the las ttim eit lasted for 2-3 years before i convinced my husband to talk to his parents again, and then this happened, i think his father is having issues that he is not able to control all of our lives, becasue we moved far enough away for him to not be able to just drop in and make sure everything is going his way!

Answer 1

I think you father in law needs to back off. Only you and your husband should be the one who raises your kids, his suggestions should only be heard as an opinion not in forcing you to do it his way. If he doesn't like it, then he should leave. Let him be mad, just continue doing what you always been doing. Your husband needs step up and take control of the situation and stand up for you. Good luck and raise your kids the way you want. BTW you don't owe him an apology, he owes you and your husband one.

Answer 2

You should not have to apologize to him but bottom line is in-laws and parents will always interfere in their kids lives and how they do everything. You shouldnt have said the thing about where he was when the kids were growing up but still he was wrong. If you just want to keep the peace then apologize and you dont have to take his advice. But if you dont care either way and it doesnt matter if you talk to him again then leave it alone and still not take his advice. Where is your husband in all of this. he should step up and figure something out if you cant.

Answer 3

Absolutely not! You F.I.L. needs to keep his nose out of your business! Plain and simple. And your husband needs to be the one sticking up for you! It's his Dad. That alone would actually make me angry quite honestly. Your FIL was very wrong for trying to critisize your parenting, and it was even worse that he made this a public event. The only person that you need to answer to, is you and the other parent when it comes to raising your kids. If other people don't agree, or your husband is not sticking up for you, ignore them!
You are the mom here, you raise your kids the way you believe they should be raised. You can't please all of the people all of the time right? Seriously, I'd tell him to go jump in a lake and keep on about my business. Your F.I.L. had his chance to choose how to raise his kids, and what he needs to do know is sit back and be a grandfather. Leave the decisions up to you!

Answer 4

I would just apologize.

Inside you know you have to raise the children they way you want.

But the children will pay the price if you don't apologize.

One day, you can let him know, how badly he acts. But let the kids have a grandpa. He may not be around and it would be bad if they lose that relationship, because the adults didn't get along.

If it wasn't for the children, I would say, tell him 'you are sorry for upsetting him.'

Answer 5

he is definitely being overbearing. it seems like he is transferring some of his guilt over not raising children well to you. basically its like he's giving you advice so he feels good about being a "parent". the best thing to do is to explain to your husband the situation and try to softly bring him down from his high hill. don't point out his flaws though, that will not really help.

Answer 6

It is time for your husband to handle this situation. He needs to tell his father that he does not appreciate him putting you down in front of the children. Also, he should tell him to keep his opinions to himself. I would not worry about it. If he doesn't want to speak to you and your husband, then let him sulk. It would be a cold day in hel# before I would apologize for standing up for myself!!!

Answer 7

hey, my grandma is like that too, your father in law is getting older, he's emotional right??
then take chances, you don't wanna hurt his feelings(although he's getting hurt even if your not doing something), but it doesn't mean that you should get hurt or be speechless. That "father in law" is so dominant and does a lot of verbal abuse to you(am i right?)

my grandma is really like that, she's so offensive in words(not bad words but still offensive), and now.. she's all alone, we kept on trying to give her what she wants, so emotional, we didn't do anything wrong, she just go back to her old home

try to invite those family members of yours who doesn't agree with him and have a small meeting(group sharing of thoughts), it's like a confrontation,just tell them what you feel in a nice way

good luck Ü

Answer 8

For a professional view, check out the link I have given below.
The guy (relationship doctor) gives good sincere answers. He even replies through email I guess. Try it. I think its genuine.
http://relationship-doctor.blogspot.com