Just had my baby girl 10 days ago and the father has decided to not be involved, and I am currently back living with my parents. I feel like a burden on my aging parents and want to move out, but I feel stuck because childcare costs would virtually exceed the amount of income I could bring in. Also, I lack trust in anyone and as such don't want to put my daughter into daycare unless i have to. My parents do NOT want to babysit unless it's an emergency, and I have no other family or friends who could help. I am also currently a full-time college student (will graduate in august 08).
How can I, or how did/do you get by financially? Please don't tell me it's my fault for getting pregnant, there's nothing I can do about it now. Also, how do you make it and still have more more than a couple minutes a day to spend with your kid - I would feel horribly guilty to have a daycare person know my child more than I do. Please any specific advice would be appreciated.
2007-09-20 17:50:09 · 15 answers · asked by babydoll32 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
wow we are in the same boat lol im 19 i had my baby 5 months ago and im a full time student as well. I know where i live in Texas you can be put on WIC which will cover your babies food and diapers and things like that it really helps. You can also sign up for unemployment checks which also help since you are a single mom. I understand what you are going through i got pregnant when i was 18. You are a good mom to try to find help. Take care.
2007-09-20 17:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by littlemissmay 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I feel you. I am a single mother of 3 children, and your right childcare costs are insane for one let alone 3. I have played that work to pay for daycare so I can go to work game. Its not worth it. Consider my advice but you just need to hang in there untill you finish college and can get a better paying job, either that or you will be stuck with your parents. It gets a lot easier when they start 1st grade and are in school full time (my youngest just went into first grade) Its hard but you have to do what you have to do to provide for your baby which is a huge expense to begin with. Apply for financial aid until your out of school and or established in a good paying job, daycare, food stamps, cash and medical, maybe even apply for housing assistance. Eventually you will have the pride of having come from having nothing and needing the help to being self sufficient, and later on when your baby grows up and can understand she will appreciate and respect the strength, independace and determination her mom has. She will learn from it and and become a strong, independant woman herself.
Good Luck. Where there is a will there is a way but not with out sacrafice of some kind. You will get there as long as you give it your all and dont give up on what you want for you and your daughter.
2007-09-21 08:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by Kujo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others as far as finding assistance. In addition while you attend college, most colleges have some kind of care while you are in school. Check with your college. '08 is right around the corner... hang in there the best you can - then you can have a better life for you and your child when you graduate both financially and emotionally. Seek help from govt programs to free up some of your income that could be directed for childcare. Or offer to pay your mother/father what you could in the meantime at least until August. I know it's not easy but commend yourself for trying to do something about it. Nobody can judge you for what you are going through... and it's certainly not your fault. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-09-21 01:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by Mel and Ed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father may not want to be involved, but I would take him to court for child support anyway. Check with your States Attorneys Office for possibly free legal representation.
You can apply for child care payment help through your state. At least to help pay for the baby's care while you are at school. Do not give up school if you can find a way to do it! It will only help make your future brighter, and your baby will not remember any of this first year. Yes, I know you will remember and you will have time to spend with this baby!
WIC is another agency that can help with formula and other baby needs.
I would also check with a school counsellor at your college for any suggestions they can make. I am sure they have encountered similiar situations before.
If you can possibly stay with your parents until you finish school then do so. Find some special chores to do for them to help ease your feelings of being a burden.
I felt as you do and did not put any of my kids into daycare until they were all school age and could tell me what was going on. I was fortunate that my mom was willing to come to my house to watch them until my youngest went to kindergarten. I stayed home until she was 4 and all of my savings ran out ( I have 4 and the youngest was 2 when I got divorced) and my ex did not have to pay for daycare per the divorce decree.
Congratulations on your new baby girl! Remember, she has never been a baby before and has no expectations of how this is supposed to be! Let your hormones settle a bit before making any major decisions and remember that mothers are very inventive creatures- you will find a way!
2007-09-21 01:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey I am sorry about your current situation..that is terrible... BUT congrats on your baby girl..
You should qualify for free or atleast reduced child care...
I know the thought of putting them in daycare is terrible... BUT right now this is what you have to do... SO a few questions..
How are you paying for college???
if you are getting loans then you could get extra money on the loan so you can live off of that..and maybe only work part time..
WOuld it work (ATLEAST FOR AWHILE) to live with your parents...but not have them watch the baby...IF you can find a daycare and get fees reduced???
ANd honey you just have to make the time you do have with her special..
The are probably other Federal, State or local programs that you might qualify for.. Just check into them... Someone from your college might be able to tell you (Some colleges have daycares) Or just do a search on line..
GOOD LUCK!!! And I wish you the best honey...
EDIT
check out these links...
2007-09-21 01:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by af wife 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry to hear of your predicament but must say am proud of decision to care for your child. Do expect hard times but never give up hoping that it will reap better yield. your child will be your strength, your joy, your everything.
How about doing some online business or retail (creating or baking something from home to sell?) Do they have part time secetarial work or something back there????
Do not be afraid to approach or seek for help from ngos or such. they might have better answers. sometimes sacrifices need to be made, if need be, defer your studies for a semester and establish a proper income first or if you are strong and determined enough which i am sure u are, complete ur studies at the same time via online or something
where there is a will there is a way. Do not give up hope. Keep on praying for the best and i am sure God will show u the way.
2007-09-21 01:07:01 · answer #6 · answered by ryhasin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was a single mom of two children, divorced when my youngest was just a baby (he never lived with his dad). One thing that would help you is to go to court and try to get support for your child. If you could get enough support to pay for child care it sure would make things easier. Even if the baby's father doesn't "want to be involved", he was involved the minute the child was conceived. Want to play, got to pay. The entire burden should not be on you. If you got to know other single moms you might be able to work out a deal to trade services. Otherwise, the daycare wouldn't hurt your child as long as you can spend every possible minute with her. She'll know who her mom is, and nobody is going to know your child better than you do.
2007-09-21 06:25:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know MANY single mothers, all of which are good friends and have a lot of help from their parents, but none of which recieve child support from the fathers. The major complaint about doing this is driving the father away from the child or creating problems between the father and themselves. This, to me, is absurd. Get child support and use that money to help with daycare or a baby sitter and child expenses.
I am sorry that this has happened to you but many women are single mothers and do just fine. Try to cut back your hours at school, to half time and take summer classes (they go by really quickly!) This will help in getting a job.
Good luck with everything!
2007-09-21 01:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by Brooke S 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i would agree with everyone but i would have to chime in with a don't try to seek child support. i am saying this only cause the system sucks. child support means that the father will aslo be in the picture. long term. if haven't done so, you will have to seek paternity, then have the courts decide on VISITATION and child support. while the "father" has your child on weekends--he doesn't pay. deadbeats aren't father's-not part-time "daddies"--guys that don't want to be in the picture. and it sucks for you and your little one. but like the 3rd answerer said,
"The major complaint about doing this is driving the father away from the child or creating problems between the father and themselves. This, to me, is absurd" she then said get child support. this is pushing the father to be in the life that he apparantly took off from. long run, if this dude is a jerk child support is no answer as an income.
yes, get gov't assistance, there is low income housing, loans thru fin. aid, programs for free day care, support groups, friends, look it all up on the web. and don't quit school. maybe do less, but finish. it's so easy, you're almost done.
but first take a deep breath and see that baby of yours....she'll be fine. and so will you. enjoy that sweet life with your newborn. she and you will be happy.
2007-09-21 02:36:44 · answer #9 · answered by pwrgrlmanda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your shoes before. What i did was get my daughter on wic program, and A headstart program which is a childcare program for low income. Also when you sighn up for wic In the beginning you will just get food and formula for your baby but the older she gets the more food you get. Ask in the wic office about a state funnded healthcare program for children. and if headstart does not keep infants in your area ask them about programs that do. And if you are able to get on food stamps I know what that sounds like but it is just temporary to help you get on your feet that way you can safe your money for a place that way your parents won't have to worry about feeding you all the time, you can buy your own food. Also take some time to enjoy beeing a mother and getting into a routine. then if you want to go to college fidgure out what you want to do and where you want to go then get info on student funding then once you have got your bearings take daddy to child support court he may not want to be a dad but he fathered a child and by law has to give up the cash to help Good luck.
2007-09-24 11:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by beenthere 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋