2007-09-20 17:26:25 · 36 answers · asked by LolaMola 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can almost guarantee you do not feel as guilty as the mom who works.
Guilt can come from the feeling you are doing something wrong and let me assure you that staying home with your kids is one of the most right things you will ever do in your life.
This comes from societal expectations or from an internal pressure telling you that you are wasting your life or not using your talents. Being a good stay at home mom requires a huge amount of skills and talents. The end result is greater than any report, project or work output around for you are changing the world by doing a good job at your work.
I was a stay at home mother for most of my oldest son's whole life (he was 16 and my youngest 10) when my ex left me for another and I needed to go to college.
My oldest then watched my youngest while I needed to be at school or in the classroom aided by my mom. My two sons have an excellent relationship now that they are grown..they get along so well now that they are in their late 20's and mid 30's. The excellent job I was able to do with my oldest by being there, having good parenting skills, and teaching him independence and responsibility allowed him to do the necessary task with as little disruption as possible as I was able in the crucial first 7 years when 90% of their personality was formed to meet their dependency needs well and be most nurturing.
I always wanted to change the world and help others but then I realized I am not that powerful to change the world..the problems are too big, but I can definitely have a strong influence on my children and I reared them with an eye to society and their future spouses and children. They are wonderful people, productive, creative, smart, well adjusted, and never got in any trouble,
If everyone turned out good adults that are helping not handicapping to society, the world would be changed..one child at a time. This is what you are doing. Children need quality and also quantity time. Being there increases the odds that your children will turn out well and this helps society and the people they come in contact with.
Never feel guilty for doing something so important as caring for your children. Try to think along the secret way of thinking reminding yourself often what valuable and wonderful work you are doing and what an excellent use of your time this is. Be grateful and thankful often that you are able to do this as so many would like to and are unable to or convince themselves it is best for their kids and family to work or convince themselves that it is impossible due to lack of creativity, thriftiness, or unwillingness to reduce their standard of living for something far more important and fulfilling than things.
Gratitude will do wonders for you. If your kids are older or in school, consider some kind of helpful and fulfilling volunteer work in areas of your interests or with an eye for the kind of work you may eventually return to..for instance, if you are a teacher volunteer at a day care or working with disabled kids..if you are a social worker, with a job that you can add to the resume someday.
Remember too that many of the skills you use as a homemaker can be put into a functional resume someday as experience (ie-skills you are using in this job as a mother and runner of the household that transfer to skills you use in the workplace).
I will admit that my choice to stay home..a conscious choice where I gave up things like a nice house and vacations for that which was much more important to me has now hurt me as far as my financial situation but I will never regret the years I spent teaching and caring for my children...even if my own children should not value me and what I did for them, I always will be proud of what I did out of love and joy for my kids, their future families, and society.
These little ones entrusted to our care can do a lot of good or bad with their lives. Although most parents try hard to be good parents, being there full time greatly increases your odds of being successful and really makes a difference in the world. You and your kids are very lucky so be very happy about this..so many would love to be in your shoes.
You can stop guilt today by everytime you feel this, changing that thought to think of another great thing that is the result of you being there with your kids or having this spare time to develop your interests that you might not have if you worked.
Resolve to ignore people who make you feel you are not spending your time well being at home as they want you to be like them and if that is how they feel about rearing kids, you are best not to be like them.
2007-09-20 17:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by janie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a stay at home Mom too. Sometimes I feel guilty for staying at home, but then I start to think that...Hey..this is not a vacation whatsoever. There is so much in taking care of a home and your children. Plus not to mention your hubby too. We only have one vehicle, and I know if I went back to work, I wouldn't get the time with my son, and we will be spending a lot more money a month to keep another vehicle, day care, etc. So in high and sight....Staying at home is a full time job. A 24/7 job. Did you know they did a survey/eval of what the stay at home Mom's (Dad's) do, and if they were to get paid, we would get close to 138 grand a year. Too bad the government doesn't pay us. No one would go broke. The kids would have a stable home and stable family, and there would be no starving children. Wouldn't that be great.
So don't feel guilt, and start realizing that what you do is VERY important for your family. You are more valued at home than at a work place. (smile).
2007-09-20 17:55:44 · answer #2 · answered by lady_bella 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to be a stay at home dad. And yes I felt very guilty about not bringing in any income. However my wife was the one with the three degrees. However I was waiting for a position with the state and when it opened I jumped on the opportunity to work and advance. I think it is only normal to feel a bit guilty. However, noone should ever be made to feel guilty about being a stay at home parent on purpose or being reminded of it every week. Stay at home parenting is a full time job that can be harder than most 40 hr a week day jobs. Are you craving adult interaction yet?
2007-09-20 17:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whose making you feel guilty? OTHERS? Tell them to bite you. Your kids need you now more then ever. You can teach them more then any preschool can. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is fast paced. Well, guess what? There is nothing wrong with staying home with kids until they hit school years, or unless you want to homeschool them. Being a mom, is a full time job. Don't feel guilty about your job unless you are someone who sits on the couch all day watching reruns of full house and eating bon bons. If you are really contributing to your childrens life and always on the go and involved with everything they do, NEVER FEEL GUILTY. You are doing more work, then most women do at an office.
2007-09-20 17:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by hbuckmeister 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I stayed at home with my children until they were both in school and felt guilty because I wasn't contributing monetarily to the family however raising your children is the most important job you will ever have. Looking back, I see that I put my career on hold and that is a sacrifice also. It was worth every minute of my time because my children are well adjusted and well behaved. Day cares don't teach your children the things that you can. Being a mom is hard work and you are contributing to society by giving them great kids. Don't worry about the money or what people might think. When they are older you will be happy that you had this wonderful time with them.
2007-09-20 17:37:11 · answer #5 · answered by shewill5 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not the only stay at home mother who feels this way, but don't let it get you down. If you have good reason to be a stay at home mother and are doing it for whatever reason? You shouldn't feel guilty at all. You are fulfilling a specific need or reason to be at home. You're probably also needed at home other than anywhere else. Now if it is affecting you and your family financially. Well there are solutions to this. You can then be part-time at home and part-time at work. At least until you're able to find solutions to why you must stay at home for the time being. Chin up and smile!
2007-09-20 17:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by jewels 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Oh my gosh you have asked such a great question and have gotton such great answers to it! I am an at home mother of three and I feel quilty all of the time, especially when we have a hard time paying a bill and/or rarely ever can afford to go out. I have been in tears over a few answers. Thank you for the question and all of the great answers from the y/a people! I feel so much better. You should not feel guilty at all. You can try the MOMS club which means Moms offering Moms support, they have many chapters, join a gym, go to a local rec. center where they offer Mommy and Me classes, and classes and swimming for older children. Get involved with the PTA and your child's school. Support your husband, talk to him about his job, appreciate him, know that you are worth so much money, and have a heart of gold, though probably sore feet, higher blood pressure, and not too much time for yourself. Stop worrying and go get a pedicure, and if you cannot afford one, give one to yourself while kid(s) are asleep and ask hubby to give you a foot rub, then after rub his back!!!!
2007-09-20 18:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by Serious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I stay home and sometimes I miss the job I had...I loved it and was there for 15 years. But, I love to be home with our son, although I don't think I get enough done during the day. So, I feel guilty about that.
We have different stresses now that we stay home, but it's still stress. It is much harder to stay home, but also much more enjoyable too. I did start working from home so that I could have some of my own money and not have to use his money to buy him a gift. He'd never care about that, but it's just weird to use his money for an anniversary gift.
Enjoy our child(ren). They are small for such a short amount of time, and you can't get that time back.
2007-09-20 17:31:44 · answer #8 · answered by It's Me 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
nope, you're not alone. I stay home with my 4 yr old and 10mo old - and I do feel guilty at times. Though I try to remember that it's my best way of raising my babies to be good strong citizens and christians, and that God approves of what I'm doing. The times I feel guilty are when we have a stressful payday, or hard times paying bills. I know that I could help the problem by working but I feel so strongly about being with my children that it evens out.
Anyway, I know how you feel.
God bless you, you're doing a great thing!
2007-09-20 17:52:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How very fortunate that your child(ren) have their mom to stay at home. This will give you the opportunity to really concentrate on raising your kid(s) properly. It is a great value for the family. You shouldn't feel any guilt at all, and besides you have a full time job at home as well.
Many times kids comes to an empty home. There are horror stories how kids get themselves into a host of trouble, and some fatal. Therefore, be please with yourself, because you are doing a great
job. Honestly. You can keep the 10 points, I just wanted to give you the true...God Bess
2007-09-20 17:39:57 · answer #10 · answered by tony 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Probably not. There is nothing wrong with staying home with the kids. Why do you feel guilty? Marriage is a partnership and if you decide that you staying with the kids while he works is what is best for your family then don't worry about it. I am sure that your kids love it.
2007-09-20 17:32:58 · answer #11 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋