How do I get over it and make peace with God?

Question

i had a stillborn at 21 weeks gestation. i was on beddrest before my water broke for one month. during this time, of course, i prayed and prayed. My pastor even wanted to do a laying of the hands (i'm christian). but by then it was too late.

my baby died because i had an amniocentesis. the results of the amnio came out "very good". i only mention this because a lot of people try to comfort me by saying "god took your baby away because maybe he was deformed or had problems". he didn't.

so i'm still bitter about the whole thing. I know God didn't intentionally do it but he ALLOWED it to happen. i don't understand why a child had to die. Did heaven cry for me? was god there when i delivered my stillborn? i didn't feel like he was. I'm so mad at Him. I feel like he could have done something to help me but he didn't. I didn't look at him after he was born -- how will I recognize him in heaven?

i'm pregnant again now after 9 greweling months of ttc. it's hard for me to enjoy this pregnancy, i feel like i'm replacing my dead boy.

Answer 1

First of all, congratulations on your current pregnancy. Let me start by saying that I've had a miscarriage myself...not nearly as far as long as you (12 weeks) and didn't have to go through the stillbirth...my heart goes out to you. One year after I lost the first baby, I got pregnant again and gave birth to a beautiful little girl 2 years ago this Sunday. I don't know why I lost the first baby. I did everything I was suppose to. It hurt me deeply, but I think it has made me a better parent. I was never really as excited as I thought I should have been while pregnant with my daughter....I think I worried so much about losing a 2nd one that I didn't allow myself to enjoy it. The second I saw her, all the hurt and doubt just melted away, and I felt the greatest piece, joy, and love that a person could know. I know it sounds like a cop out to say that we just can't understand what God's plans for us are, but that is how I feel. Just try to focus on the joy that awaits you when this little one is born.

Answer 2

I am so saddened by the loss of your little boy. I personally believe that you will recognize him in heaven. The Bible says that we will know our loved ones there, so I cannot imagine that you won't know him. I think the only way to get over such pain is through prayer, and I know that is hard because we have so many questions about why God allowed this to happen. It seems like the constant struggle we have as Christians - trying to understand why bad things happen to good people. I wish I could answer this for you. All I can do is pray for you and turn you to the Lord. I am always reminded of the sufferings of Job. You may remember that satan came to the Lord and asked permission to do all of those rotten things to Job. The Lord allowed satan to do anything but kill Job. satan's motives were to show God that Job would not remain true to his faith through these troubles, but God knew that Job would, and he did. Job even said 'Though He (God) slay me, yet will I trust Him,' meaning that Job had made up his mind that no matter what, He would trust God and would not give up the faith. I know this does not answer your question, but at least it gives you an example of what things are going on in the spirit world that we know nothing about, and those things are 'the rest of the story.' Again, my heart breaks for you and I wish you joy in your current pregnancy.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss and what you have been through! Although you will never forget your first child and the loss you experienced, the pain will ease with time. God is always there. Tell Him how you feel, He can help you. You will know your son in heaven, he will come to you.
I ask the Lord God to help you get through this difficulty. Trust Him, do not give up your faith. Some things we do not understand, we just have to ask Gods help to go on. Believe that time does help and God may reveal why this happened in time as well. Love your new little one, a child is a gift!

Answer 4

I know how you feel because last year february i had a miscarriage and it took me a year to start tryin again because i did just give up. Because i first child died and i never blame God because everything happen for a reason. But you should be rejoicing and givin God thank that you're pregnant again and don't listen to people because sometime they is made you mad for the wrong reason and at the wrong people. After a year i had lost my baby me and my man just started trying this month and i prayer to God i hope am pregnant. Just enjoy every day of your pregnancy now and good luck and wish me luck.

Answer 5

First off-how do you know that isn't the same baby? We don't know everything, ya know.....:)

Have you considered that the timing just wasn't right? Who knows what awaited that child. We can't see the big picture, God can. Trust His judgment.

This is one of those times when we grow or fade. Don't let this cause you to fade and waver. Now is the time to test your resolve. Know that He knows above all things and trust that He is doing what is best. Even if it hurts.

Every tear is counted in heaven. He knows. He also understands your feeling.

You want rid of this pain? You want rid of this guilt and anger? In the snap of your fingers, it can be gone. All you have to do is give it up.

It's time to get on those knees and bawl your eyes out and express every drop of pain. Get it over with. Then ask the Lord to send you the Holy Spirit to bring peace into your heart again. Then, remember that the Holy Spirit is an entity onto Himself. He loves you. He's the tender One. Ask Him, personally, to wrap you in a warm blanket and set your heart at peace.

He will do it instantly.

Answer 6

First of all I want to say I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. I pray that the Great Healer, Jesus Christ, will comfort you and take away the pain and sorrow and replace it with peace.

I think the most important thing you can do is, in the middle of your bitterness and confusion and sorrow, not understanding the "why" of it, say to God...."the Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord".

Once I suffered a terrible loss and my heart was broken. It was in the middle of this confession, where I was willing to offer up praise to the Most High God, even in loss and sorrow, that He healed me.

We cannot know the whys of these tragedies. We can know that the God we love is perfect in all His ways, loves us, and has a good plan for us. When you are willing to love and praise Him in the midst of sorrow and disappointment, the rewards and restoration will be miraculous.

And don't worry dear, you won't need anyone to introduce you in heaven...you will know that person instantly.

Answer 7

Wow ! I am sorry for your loss and understand why you would be upset but God had nothing to do with your still born. That's like asking God why he let so many children get kidnapped. There are medical reasons for your child. God only gave the possibilities. Why would there be so many possibilities? Who am I to answer such questions. I am pleased to hear you are pregnant again. Congratulations!!! I know it is difficult to put your mind at ease with this loss, but perhaps it would be best to try and put this at ease, not only for yourself but for your child to be. Once there was a woman who got pregnant by me. Instead of carrying the child she got an abortion. She has no son from me, but I have my son. His name is Noah. He is one years old. The way I see it he knew I wanted him and she didn't, so he waited for the right mother to come. He waited for me. I didn't loose him at all. I know this hasn't much to do with your situation but your child is still there but it's waiting until the time is right. Chin up! You may not know your child in Heaven but your Child knew you before you ever guess you were pregnant. It chose you. Something so great cannot be broken so easily.Now you carry again. Who else do you think is in your womb if not your child. This is all I have to say

Answer 8

In heaven you will simply recognize everyone, regardless of who they are. It is true that i guess you could say God allowed it to be still born, however, the amniocentesis was remove successfully was it not. There is no need to blame God, it was the result of sin that causes illness. He may have allowed this to happen to you, and when you can feel you forgave him, you can help others in similar situations.

Answer 9

It's said, "Don't forget in the dark, what you learned in the light."

I cannot see anything in what you said that you might have learned in the light.

I'm sorry you had that happen to you, but when you are ready to accept that your son isn't dead, but living with Christ, then you ought to start being grateful for God giving you the ability to be a mother. If that's what you wanted so much, there it is.

(Are you going to be one of those mothers who look at the living child with your eyes that say; "It should have been you"?)

You only see death, and I see life because of the promises of God. What are you doing to yourself? Where is your faith?

HE IS NOT DEAD!

And your next child is not really yours either. They all belong to God, steward. We are ALL under the King. Both of those children belong to Him and you belong to Him. Haven't you read the scriptures?

Psalm 24

1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;

2 for he founded it upon the seas
and established it upon the waters.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry hon, my family just lost one too. But God had nothing to do with it. Human flesh and life itself are both fragile.

Your child is in heaven playing with Jesus and the angels. Did you name her? If you didn't yet, then why don't you? She is alive and well. And don't you worry, you will see her in heaven and worship God with her for eternity.

But you have some repenting to do. NEVER get mad at God. NEVER blame any of your misfortunes on God. He is Holy and Perfect. It's natural to grieve such a loss but PRAISE GOD FOR ALL YOUR DAYS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! HE IS YOUR ONLY HELP AND YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF SALVATION!

HE WILL MAKE THINGS UP TO YOU BUT YOU *MUST* REMAIN FAITHFUL!

GBY!