My b/f and I have only officially been dating for a couple of months. Before we started dating we were just hanging out b/c he had an ex girlfriend issue where she was still living with him. She’s moved out now, and he hasn’t seen or spoken to her since, and I know that as a fact. (the ex is not the problem). All together we’ve only really been dating for a couple months, but we’ve been actually hanging out for about 7.
Since we first started hanging out, before we started dating, I really liked my b/f. I’ve had very strong feelings for him, and I feel like he’s the one I’m meant to be with. Of course though, at the time we met, we were at different mindsets, and we still are. He’s in the mindset where we’ve just started dating and wants to see where things so. I, on the others hand, have fallen in love with him and I really see a future with him. We were talking tonight on the phone, and he sensed that something was bothering me. I feel like and idiot for saying this to him now. I’ve been trying to figure out for a while now if he loves me or not, and I told him that since he hasn’t been open about it. He almost instantly said “if that’s what you’re looking for in a relationship right now, maybe we should stop seeing each other”. I smoothed it over, b/c it didn’t come out the way I meant it, but now he thinks I’m just in a relationship b/c I’m a needy person who needs reassurance about being loved and stuff (which I am not).
After I mentioned that, he went on to say that after the past relationships that he’s been through, he said it takes years to really realize if you really love someone. He went on to say that he wants to go with the flow and see where our relationship goes.
I’m just really confused about him for several reasons. 1.) Before we were actually dating he told me that he really liked me. 2.) He’s told me that he really cares about me. 3.) We spend time together all the time, and we talk on the phone everyday. He calls me sweetie and hunny. 4.) I’ve met some of his family already. And 5.) He’s already talking about what we’re going to do for my birthday which is in December, and also about Christmas which means he’s thinking ahead.
He’s had a bad history of girlfriends cheating on him or using him. He’s said that he’s never really had a good relationship with a girl. I told him that I really cared about him, and that I would never hurt and that if we ever had any problems I would want to work them out and that I would never want to ruin anything with him. I then said that I would never hurt him, and he responded by saying that it was inevitable.
I’m so confused!!! Why does he seem so cautious with being with me, but then treats me as if he really cares about me and makes and effort to spend time and talk with me, and introduce me to his family. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like he’s afraid that I’m going to hurt him and he’s afraid of how much he likes me. Help me out please!!!
2007-09-20 16:02:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's dating you and getting to know you.
You seem to want to skip all that and go straight for the wedding.
He is being sensible, you are being unrealistic.
2007-09-20 16:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you already answered the question about why is he so cautious, you would be too. He can't have a good image of the women gender nor and trust of them. Relax babe, go slow show him that there are good women out there and not all cheating sluts. Build his confidence back to where it should be and he will open up like you want him too. On another not what wrong with someone being need and wanting love and attention... There's a lot worse reasons people are together, money, sex, at least if there's legitimate need that way, for the way you feel about that person. This whole needy thing never existed in the past, it was the strength in relationships.
2007-09-20 16:12:14 · answer #2 · answered by shadycaliber 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has had a bad history with past g/f's I'm guessing that he has a trust issue and is afraid of being hurt again . He wants to take his time and be sure that he's not going to get hurt again and doesn't want to be set up for another hard fall.So he doesn't want to say that he loves you ,even though he may feel it i his heart. Don't rush him ,give him a little space . Let him learn to trust you ,don't do or say anything to break that trust.
When you told him that you would never hurt him and he said that it was inevitable that means that he's heard that before.
At least your together and thats what matters most
2007-09-20 16:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by NasCarl #99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does care about you enough that he wants to go slow and not get hurt. u cant blame the guy who has had a bad history of gfs. he is scared to get hurt once again. he wants to go far with u but then again he wants to be cautious. i know that i wanna be cautious now cuz i had a few bad experiences with past bfs. u need to see his point of view and see why he is being the way that he is. and hunny u cannot rush love u cannot rush waht u want. overtime he will open up and overtime you two will realize where you stand. do not push him and tell him that u love him so much and that u see marriage and what not. that will just frighten him some more. honestly taking it slow will help u guys so much more, ur b/f just needs time to grow and open up and see where it is actually going. give the poor man some time.
2007-09-20 16:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by Siroonig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By 7 months a guy should know whether he wants to be with a women or not. So what he has had his heart broken. So has almost everybody else in the world. you cant go around using that as an excuse to close people grow up and move on by doing that he could be shutting out his soul mate and miss out on a really great thing. Dont sit around waiting forever. I know you care about him and all but if he isn't willing to let you in you shouldn't be willing to wait around. What happens when he finds someone else years down the road . That would be a waste of time,. I'm not saying force marriage on him. you let him know you were serious and you were not about playing games he could have at least acknowledged that in a positive way. its not going to be all about him in the relationship its about both of you. if you are going to put 100% he has to put in 100%
2007-09-21 02:35:32 · answer #5 · answered by harry r 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has fear and fear will make anyone be cautious. Read your question again. Be mindful of what you say he says to you.
A few months is normally a short time. Don't rush things. Believe me- that is not a good thing!
If you really do love him then stop rushing him (and yes you are rushing him accoring to what you're saying) and be understanding. He has been hurt and it sounds like he was hurt bad! Those are isues he has to deal with and only he can change them; however, if you make it hard for him then you are at fault for pushing him away, whether now or 5 days, months or years from now.
Best wishes....
2007-09-20 16:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Too Blessed To Be Stressed! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my goodness, I thought I would never get done with your question....
girlfriend, if you are this wordy with him, your boring him to tears!
You need to loosen up first, don't take everything so dang serious.
Now you have only been together for 7 months, he is right, get to know each other longer before you jump into a marriage.
Everyone has their own time frame, your just ahead of his.
NOW if he is ready to call the relationship off because you want a bit more commitment, well that might give you a clue that you are way more serious about this relationship than he is.
Relax more, don't be so tense even if you are screaming inside, be cool on the outside and just let time take its course..
Good luck, and try to be less wordy!
2007-09-20 16:20:25 · answer #7 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people fall in love quick some people dont. if you want to stick it out and see what happens then do that- most likely you wont end the relationship because he said that.. my best friend was dating her boyfriend for a year and a month and one day (trust me she complains about it all the time) before he ever said he loved her. He says it all the time now... dont be so concerned with all the mushy stuff- yes we girls loveeee that stuff.. but i mean- once you mentioned something and it fails.. just try to control your own emotions and try to just keep being you and slowly he will fall in love with you... but i am warning.. dont ever make him feel to important.. dont sit there and EVER beg someone to be with your or have to convince them.. I know it would suck.. but *** that- your self respect comes first.. be strong. be independent.. and back off a little.. once the sits around and sees that you arent being clingy to him.. or talking about relationships.. or feels that your emotional over him.. he will start to wonder what he is doing.. then he will try to figure out ways to make you happier or to get you back to saying that stuff.. cus you know.. all men have egos.. and anything that makes it bigger.. they love.
2007-09-20 16:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by Yari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somewhere in his past relationships, he was hurt . He is very insecure within himself. All you can do is show him how much you care. Not physically. Listen to him,. be there for him. Do not dwell on the future yet. Be in the present . Live for today. Take it one day at a time and let him see for himself that you are not like the others.
2007-09-20 16:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by Betty S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes had a bad history of girlfriends. If you like him that much then stay with him give him time to realize that your here to stay. Dont give up on him.. maybe he was hurt really badly in a relationship once, besides love is a pretty strong word saying you love someone means you'll do anything for them even die. y'all went out for like 7 months its alittle too soon for him. So like I said prove to him you are here to stay and keep the loving strong!! I am roooting for you girl!!!
2007-09-20 16:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by Pookie! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your B/F sounds like an intelligent down to earth guy. he has given you the answer, he wants to go with the flow. Nothing wrong with that. That's not to say that he won't call you up one day and tell you he's in love with you, but right now he's being totally in control of his emotions and feelings and you should be glad. it's OK for you8 to have fallen in love with him already, go with the flow, and see where the river of romance floats the boat!!! Good luck
2007-09-20 16:11:58 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋