My friend's daughter was molested, what can I do to help?

Question

The girl is 10 years old, and the perpetrator is her former step-father. Because he was only dad she'd ever known, she continued to go visit him after they got divorced when her younger sister (who is his bio daughter) would visit him. This came out during a counseling session today. I don't know what to do or say, and I would like some input into things to say/not to say or ways that I can help support my friend through this ordeal. Do I say anything to the daughter, I don't want to make her feel like everyone in the world knows about it? I just feel lost and don't want to make things worse.

The police have been notified, as stated the counselor was obligated by law. So rest assured, that part is handled.

Answer 1

You have to follow their lead. The shame can be intense when it is incest like this. If she wants to talk about it, she will. Just be a good friend and let them both know how much you care about them in the little things. Act as normal as you can around them. They need things to be as normal as possible.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say anything to the daughter unless she approaches you. I have dealt with this re: my goddaughter. She finally came to me. I really hope the mother is not letting either of the children visit him with out supervision. she can get a court order. The best thing you can do is to encourage the mother to not just let it go. She needs to talk with her daughter and let her daughter know she is not to blame and it wasn't the little girls fault. Then she needs to take her to counseling, or continue. A karate class for self defense would also help in training the child in what to do if the situation ever came up again with anyone. She needs to empower her with training both physical and mental.

Answer 3

You are right to have a concern about the girl feeling her business is on the street.

BTW the therapist is obligated to report to the police so don't get involved unless you are asked to as a witness or have evidence that can be used to get the bastard.

Just take it a day at a time, and if the situation presents itself, let the mom and the girl know that if they need any support you are available to talk ot do whatever they need. Just be sensitive to the situation and let your gut guide you.

Answer 4

Remember that nothing has been proved yet. It might not even have happened. If it is true or not try to prevent her mother from reacting hysterical. Do not talk to the girl at all about this matter unless she asks you directly. Just be as natural as you use to be. The police, judicial system and all surrounding this matter might be more traumatic for the girl, than what has actually happened with her step-father. So stay calm

Answer 5

Do Not say anything to the little girl, even though what happened is not her fault, she may feel it is and the more attention given to her will make it more unbearable for her. Tell the Mom you will support her and help any way you can, but leave the daughter out of the conversation. I assume it has been reported, if not, get her mother to do it immediately.

Answer 6

Just treat her as usual, but if she brings it up or her mother does in front of her make sure she understands that it wasn't her fault and that no one thinks she was in the least to blame. I wouldn't trash her step-dad though as this may come out in a trial and her testimony may be discounted because the defense may try to say that her mother and other people told her what to say. The main thing is to let her know that you still care about her and that nothing has changed about the way you feel about her.

Answer 7

Did he actual touch you? If no, he did no longer molest you. on the different hand, what he did do counts as abuse because of the fact it exchange into against your will. you say you're actually 15 and he's 17, so once you have been 11 he exchange into 13 (so the two minors). conversing of the regulation in my area, that's technically unlawful yet in prepare the police could in basic terms take action if one occasion or the criminal dad or mum of one occasion complained to the police. i could propose you talk to them approximately it in case you go with to proceed by contrast guy. i could truthfully advise it in case you're nevertheless in threat or you think of he could do it returned. via the sounds of it, your Mum must be conscious that something like this has got here approximately. it may be least confusing and least confusing in case you talk to her and 'get her on your side' earlier going to the police.

Answer 8

I have actually been in this situation. My daughter was molested by a sub. teacher in high school. My best friend was so great just being there for me and allowing me to rant and rave. No, I would not say anything to the child. My daughter would not press charges because she didn't want anyone to know so I would just be there for your friend and do what she wants you to do.

Answer 9

I think it best not to say anything to your friend's daughter. Telling your friend, "I am sorry to hear about your daughter and I am here if you need me" is powerful. Bring over some coffee/tea and cookies and just sit with her. Let your friend talk about anything she wants. Don't stay too long and when you leave, just say I am here for you and be there for her.

Answer 10

act normal do not treat her like a victim because that only makes it worse. try to help things get back to normal for this child and do not bring it up unless she wants to talk. when she does talk listen do not question her. just treat her like the young girl she is and do not bring up the abuser! my niece had this happen to her and trust me normalicy is the best.