My son has had a lot of change the past few weeks...me and his dad went through a divorce, we moved, he started school, and i went back to work for the 1st time since he was born. He has been acting out very badly lately, throwing tantrums, talking back, hitting himself and me, and just today he ran from me...we were in a store and i had him in my peripheral vision, and then he was gone. I turned around and he was walking towards the door...i called him, he turned and looked at me..i said come back here, he said no, and ran for the door, he made it onto the sidewalk outside but i caught him (thank God) before he made it into the parking lot. He got a litle swat on the butt and a time out when we got home for that...but im not sure how to approach his misbehavior. I spend as much time as i can with him, and we have a lot of fun, but im sure hes acting out for attention...do i give it to him since he's had such drastic changes lately? Or should i punish him? Or both? He's 4.
2007-09-20 11:14:51 · 8 answers · asked by Jessica 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I would say you need to start swating a little more he has to see you as the authority figure since daddy is no longer around . you did right swatting him at the parking lot . Believe me when he starts seeing you as the authority figure then you should have alot less trouble from him . I think you should speak with your ex about this as well and let him know that he needs to talk to his son about minding his mom. good luck .
2007-09-20 11:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
So many changes can be very difficult for someone who is only four. The first step is to take a big breath yourself, I am sure that this is all hard on you too. Think of how you are feeling inside, and imagine feeling that way when you are 4 and don't know what the feelings are. Sometimes it is the only thing that they can do, acting out to show how they feel. Time outs are very appropriate. If you don't punish him for how he is acting he will decide that you won't punish him at all. It is very important to stay stern with him, but at the same time, letting him know how much you love him. Try to make his room like his old room, it may help for him to have something familiar. Good luck :)
2007-09-20 18:23:24 · answer #2 · answered by journie_rose 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally a mixture of both would be in order. He does need the extra love and attention since his life had been turned inside out. On the other hand that kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud before it can become a habit and something horrible happened as a result. For the tantrums and hitting it is totally appropriate to send him to his room until he is calm enough to come out and apologize. He is more then old enough to calm himself down and say sorry. My son is 3 and we've done this with him since he was 2.
As for the little stunt he pulled at the store today definately you reacted appropriately. I also would have placed him in he cart and told him that since you can't trust him to be a big boy in the store he has to sit in the cart and behave.
It wouldn't hurt to see if there are some neighborhood kids/preteens who would be willing to come over and spend some play time with him. We have a few in our neighborhood who come over about twice a week just becuase they love to visit and have a little kid who adores them. I don't let them babysit or anything just let them play in the yard or in the living room with toys. It will help model good behavior to him and allow you some time to get a bit of housework out of the way without either of you feeling left out or unimportant.
Good luck with him...be sure to give plenty of reassurance and try to let him talk out what he's feeling. Also be sure that you have an outlet for your stresses and feelings.
2007-09-20 18:37:58 · answer #3 · answered by starfire978 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should definitely not be allowed to behave in ways that are destructive or dangerous to himself or others. But I believe the behavior is his way of letting you know that his little world has been turned upside down and he's having trouble coping. You could try to get him to talk it out, but he may or may not be able to verbalize exactly how he's feeling. It might be a good idea for the two of you to attend counseling so that he can overcome his problems and you can learn how to help him do so.
Good luck and hang in there. It won't always be this tough.
2007-09-20 18:25:12 · answer #4 · answered by prncesbuttrkup 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Children need and thrive on boundaries and discipline - it makes them feel secure, and your son desperately needs that right now. I would definitely punish him for this behavior. But also reward his good behavior and talk with him often and continue on with some extra love while he's adjusting to all these major changes in his life. Be as consistent with a routine as possible. I wish you the best of luck!!
2007-09-20 19:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has gone to several changes so i will say a conbination of both & if you can afford & have the chance to get proffesional help do it so he can get to understand what it is going on.. Have patience but don't let him jump over you ..if possible enroll him in an activity so he can get away with all this mess maybe soccer, baseball , basketball who knows.. it will helphim too. Be firm withhim explain in a way that he can understand & yes give him love but he needs to respect you U are the mom !! best wishes GOOD LUCK ! !
2007-09-20 19:23:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to give him a little time to adjust to his new life and environment. He still needs to know you are in charge, so stay consistent, but try extra hard to prevent his little acting outs. For example, next time you are in the store, have him ride in the cart so you don't have to deal with him running out of the store again. Pretty soon this will pass and he will be used to his new surroundings.
2007-09-20 21:00:22 · answer #7 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him how school is if he likes his teacher class mates etc. even ask his teacher how he behaves at school. maybe its not the divorse thats got him mis behaving try not to focus on one thing cause it could be somthing else so dont beat yourself up over guilt. get him to talk with you about feelings how he feels about stuff. good luck. he mite even just be testing the waters see what he can get away with cause 4 years start to realise that they are there own person.
2007-09-20 18:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by jesicka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋