Testing a Guy's Heart (religious Q)?

Question

There is this guy at church that decorates the church the flowers, banners and everything. He also helps out a lot with the committees, planning of events and parties and is extremely involved and does an excellent job in his duties:

HOWEVER, he is rude, condescending, and drives people away by being obnoxious and jerky, and gossipy.
I know I shouldn't judge, but would you say his actions and deeds should overcompensate his personality or rudeness.
Or does he have a good heart, but just doesn't know how to talk or communicate with others.

Your thoughts

Answer 1

The scripture 'judge not lest ye be judged' doesnt end there. If its read through to verse 5 its obvious that Jesus is talking about hypocritical people (the Jewish leaders) who were condemning people for not living up to their standards.

Jesus reinforces this in John 7:24 where He tells the crowds not to judge according to mere appearances (their superficial understanding of Him healing a man on the Sabbath), but they were to use a righteous judgment.

You are right in that you shouldnt judge him because you do not know all the details of why he is doing what he is doing but the bible gives Believers absolute permission in areas of
a. disputes between members
b. unrepentant sin in the body of believers
c. doctrine of preachers/teachers (with 2 or more witnesses)

and lastly,
1 Thessalonians 5:14 says to "admonish the unruly." In verse 15, we are told to "see to it that no one repays another with evil for evil." So it is clear that we as believers have to be discerning about other believers.

This doesn't mean that we are to go around looking for every little speck or flaw, but that when we see people doing things that are clearly unbiblical then we are to speak up and say something.

So if you feel that he is those ways you mentioned then it is entirely ok to bring it up to him. Dont condemn him of course, but definitely bring it to his attention. He may not realize he is being rude.

Answer 2

The Bible says that when a Christian sees a fellow believer sin or start to sin, he or she should give them counsel from the scriptures. Try doing this. If you feel you do not have the spiritual qualifications to do this, find a mature fellow believer to talk to this man. (Galatians 6:1)

Watch the reaction. If he follows the counsel, applies it in his life and makes needed changes, then he has a good heart. If he disregards the counsel and keeps acting inappropriately, even after repeated counsel, then his heart is bad.

Answer 3

He's probably just socially inept. Some people are seriously lacking in social skills. There's one of those guys at my church, too. Try to compliment the man for the nice things that he does for the church, while attempting as much as possible not to focus on his negative personality. Just like in regular families, our Christian family can sometimes contain unpleasant people that we have to learn to cope with. Being rude back to him isn't the answer.

Answer 4

Sounds like he needs to spend some time in the Word. Especially in Romans and Corinthians. He certainly is not showing the love of Christ by his actions.

If you love him, then follow the advice of Matthew 18. Remember, the commandment not to judge others refers to judging if they go to Heaven or not. You are exercising descernment and expressing love and concern for another, which you are also commanded to do. Best of luck.

Answer 5

You meant 'compensate for' not 'overcompensate'.

Now, you want us to analyze his reasons for being obnoxious and rude without ever having met him? Sorry. Anyone who tries is bound to be wrong. If you really want to know what's going on with him you're going to have to get to know him.

Answer 6

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Our Actions, Words,etc.....all flow from whats in our heart. Pray for this gentleman, I dont know him or you so I cant really say to much, Is he unsaved? saved and a Babe in Christ? If it gets to out of hand take it to your church leaders and let them decide what to do.

Answer 7

You are not wrong. You are only discerning not judging.

How do we guard against false prophets without judging?
Jesus tells us Do not judge (v. 1), a caution against judgmental about people's intentions. Pointing out heresy, however, is not judging the motives of others, but merely identifying obvious error. In case Jesus urges us to be on the lookout for those whose lifestyles and teachings stand as an indictment against them.

1 John 4 - Test the Spirits
1Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
4You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit[a] of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

Colossians 4 - Further Instructions
Further Instructions
2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Titus 3 - Doing What is Good
1Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.
3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
9But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

-God Bless.†






John 3:11 - Love One Another
Luke 17 - Sin, Faith, and Duty

Answer 8

The pastor needs to have a private chat with him. He might not even be aware of his attitude toward others. Or, he might have some serious problems that are weighing heavily on him and he is inadvertently taking them out on others.

Answer 9

Only he knows why he is as he is.

Why don't you tell him to his face what you think of his dutiful nature and his manner and ask him why he is like that?

The more you judge someone the less time you have to love them. Therefore put the curiosity to bed and ask him huh?

Answer 10

only God has the right to judge his heart.
the drill sargeant could be rough on us but that is how he teach us how to be tough and survive as long as possible when we are on our own in the fields..