Did he RAPE me?

Question

i was making out with this guy i like in his truck last night. things were getting pretty heavy so i said i wanted to leave...but he just kept kissing me so i said, "chris, i want to leave. take me home". and he said that he wanted to 'make love' to me. i started freaking out but he pushed me down onto the seat and got on top of me. i was trying to get up but he wouldn't let me. finally, it started to feel good so i stopped fighting him. but i'm confused....did he rape me or not?

i didn't feel like he was being violent against me...he just wouldn't let me up.

To answer your questions:
No..I don't think I'm going to press charges against him. I don't think he neccesarily met wrong. I've known him for a long time and he's always been really sweet. I just think he got carried away.

And yes, it was sex for sure.

I'm pretty sure I won't be going out with him anymore though because sex just isn't something I want to get involved in.

Answer 1

Yep he raped you. So now you have to decide if you want to press charges or not.

Of course it is going to he his word against yours. The fact that part way though you decided you were enjoying it, and stopped protesting doesn't do your case much good.

Answer 2

Yes, you were being raped. Riding a motorcycle makes a woman feel good if the right spot is stimulated. He stimulated you, so of course if felt good. Don't let mother nature get in the way of what is rape, or what is being aggressive. When you say No, at any point, NO MEANS NO! The sad thing is that the courts still favor the man, so winning this will allow the attorneys to pull all of your past into this encounter. I have testified in many such cases, and my clients always are smeared, labeled and put through a terrible time. If you do press charges, remember this, and it can be a long drawn out thing, because his lawyer will hope you give up at some point. If you don't press charges, use this as a learning experience. There is always something in a person's personality to show that they will press for their own desires, so be extra aware. I have been in similar situations when younger, actually raped a couple of times, and was slow in learning that even a nice guy can turn. (This was 40 years ago when the woman was ALWAYS to blame.) My personality would not have allowed me to be dragged through the courts, but I used my abuse and went on to become an expert witness in rape/relationship court cases. Use this situation for you and of course, don't ever be around him again.

Answer 3

A bit tricky.

First, you said no and he went on anyway, which as far as I know makes it rape.

Then you were okay with it, but it was still against your will at first. I don't know what the law says specifically about this.

In this case, I'd say it depends on how you feel. However.

DO NOT GET IN TO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY. If you said no and he didn't respect that, this is going to go nowhere good. Sex between two people is only moral when consensual all the way. If at any point one person says no and the other person uses force to have his or her way, it's rape.

Having sex and regretting it afterward isn't rape. Being talked in to it without the threat of violence isn't rape.

Saying he wasn't being violent but just wouldn't let you up is a contradiction. He was using force to subdue you. That was violent.

Answer 4

HI. Well, as a victim of repeated date rape from my first boyfriend of many years, let me start out by saying that no, means no. However, I will also say if you don't know if you were raped because you enjoyed it and it felt good, then I would say you were not raped. I would be very very very careful with this guy. If he respects you as he should, he should have taken you home when you asked. Period. End of question and you wouldn't be conflicted. I can only speak of my personal experience and there was no doubt in my mind it was rape. He came back later (when he was sober) and apologized and said it would never happen again... and it did. Until I got strong and brave enough to leave the situation and the area. Good luck to you. Please don't stay with someone that can't respect you as a person. It can lead to some bad situations down the road.

Answer 5

I think that if you are confused, that perhaps he was too. Maybe he thought you wanted him to continue even when you tried to get up.

Did you tell him to stop or say no?

Were you laughing whilst trying to get up or were you serious?

I think that as you ended up enjoying it and are so confused in your own mind about it, that it would be difficult to claim it was rape, because it doesn't sound as though you made it clear to him that you were not consenting.

However, it also sounds as though it easily could have been rape, because it doesn't sound as though he'd have stopped, even if you'd said no seriously.

I think the best thing you can do is to put this one down to experience and in future be more assertive about what you want and don't want. You might also be better off without this particular guy.

Answer 6

This is date rape and is one of the most common forms of rape. No, means no. We are human and our bodies react to certain physical stimulus. Just because you got some pleasure or had an orgasm, doesn't mean that you weren't raped.
If you aren't going to report it, then stay away from this guy. This time it didn't get violent but next time it might.
If you are not on birth control, you may want to go to your Dr. or health clinic and get the morning after pill. If you take it within 72 hours of unprotected sex, you won't get pregnant.

Answer 7

“The opposite of rape is not consent. The opposite of rape is enthusiasm.” -Hugo Schwyzer

Only yes means yes. No one should try to have sex with someone who is resisting in any way. That's not rocket science... it's common sense.

"Giving in" and letting it happen is NOT a yes. Even if your body physically responds, you did not consent. There's no "well it was rape but it wasn't" here.

If you have the courage to tell him that what happened was NOT consensual (which he already knows, deep down), good for you. Maybe you will save someone else from the same experience, and he will actually wait for a YES next time.

Answer 8

well, if u felt good, even though u first tried to get up, u finally gave in and said it felt good, meaning u were willing in the long run. im not saying it was right on his part bc i think it was VERY wrong, but where u gave in is what considered it not rape... i do wish u the best, and next time, carry a little pepper spray with u, it will work.

Answer 9

"Finally it started to feel good so I stopped fighting him" would be sufficient to make a jury not convict him of rape.

That he forced you for part of this is despicable, and certainly until you gave in he WAS raping you ... but by giving into him because it felt good, you clearly were not experiencing the damage that makes rape such a hideous crime.

Ask yourself the question: Would you ever like to see this guy again? Would you want him to do time for what he did?

Ignoring the issue of law and common morals, you need to figure out what YOU want to do about it. You have already made a statement on this: You gave in.

Answer 10

Yes I feel most certain it was rape. Forgive yourself for giving in. You must however tell him how you feel. He has to understand that when you say no It means no. You dear are going to have to be up front and honest with him. If he has true feelings for you and doesnt just want a kick in the hay he will understand and would not want your lovemaking in any way shape or form to be considered rape.

Answer 11

You got raped, but it will not help your story, when he says that you "relaxed" half way through it, and you did not fight him any more.

This could make for a hard case if you want to press charges, and I would recommend you take a pregnancy test, you never stated that you used protection or not.

Good luck with the police officer when he hears two conflcting statements!