Wanting another child only for the sake of my daughter?

Question

My daughter is going to be 3 in December. I don't even think I want a child right now but the only reason I would want one right now is to have a companion for my daughter. I am 22 years old by the way and married. Do you think I should wait to have another child or just plan one? Thanks!

Answer 1

If you do not want, and are not ready, for another kid, don't plan one. If fate takes over fine, but don't intervene. Besides, if your child is going to be 3, and you conceived soon, they would be at least 3-4 years apart...what 8th grader hangs out with a 12th grader? They are already too far apart to play the "I want them to have a companion" card.

Don't try to have a child for anyone else but yourself, it just winds up causing confusion and resentment.

Answer 2

Not really a very good reason to have another child. Get a puppy or some other type of pet, to be a companion for your daughter. Having another planned birth is great if that is what you and your husband want, but do it because you want another child, not to have a playmate for your daughter. I have 3 daughters and the expense creates tough times, I would have been able to provide more things for one child, but when you have to spread the money out between 2 or 3 children it gets rough. Just be prepared, financially and emotionally. Good luck in you decision.

Answer 3

I would say wait. If you aren't ready, then it doesn't make sense to plan a pregnancy just to have a companion for your daughter. I am sure you would love your next child as much as you do your daughter right now. If you want a companion, my suggestion would be to get her a pet. If you only want a human companion, find a mother with a child or children and have play dates.

Answer 4

Don't feel bad about having an only child. My son was an only and he's now 21 and he turned out just fine. He made lots of friends, from preschool onward, and now many of those kids are still his friends. He told me once that he never missed having a sibling (of course he can't speak from experience, but he truly doesn't seem to feel like he missed out on something). He also had a big advantage over most kids. He was very mature at a young age from spending a lot of time with adults as well as kids, so he was able to handle a lot of things better over the years, especially as a teenager.
Since I only had one child, I never had to play "referee" and we had a mostly quiet, orderly household, except when other children were over to play.

You have had your child at a young enough age that you and your husband are also good playmates for your daughter. My husband and I were about your age when our son was a toddler and we included him in almost everything we did, so he seldom had a babysitter and he never went to daycare.
He was always secure and happy, never needed a pacifier or anything like that.

Don't have another child unless you *want* another child. Don't do it for the sake of giving your daughter a sibling. All you need to remember is to be careful not to overwhelm your daughter with too much attention. She needs to learn to occupy herself when she's bored and sometimes only children don't learn it because the parents are too attentive.
She's not too far off from starting preschool and from there she'll have all the playmates she needs.

It's also practical to have one child. We were able to afford a good private school education for our child because we had fewer expenses.

Also don't forget-- two children are a handful. Do you have time for two?

Have fun with your daughter now, while it's just you three, and know she'll be fine and have lots of friends when she starts school.

Answer 5

I think you should have a baby when you're ready. I had my second daughter when my first daughter was 3. I also did it because I wanted her to have someone to play with. It was hard when my second was a newborn, because of all the extra work. She's now 1 1/2 yrs. old & has started talking more. It's alot of fun now to see my two girls playing together. I'm glad that I had my kids close in age, so that they could play together. So if you think that's best, than you should go for it. Because no matter what age you are, it'll be hard having two kids. But in the end it's worth it and it's alot of fun to see them together. Good luck:)

Answer 6

No, don't do it for her. My mom did the same thing for me, and once they baby is born your daughter will be about 4 and starting pre k she'll make friends and besides the age gap is too big for them to be best friends or her to be entertained by your next child. Me and my sister constantly fought over attention when younger and now she's fifteen and i'm nineteen and we're just now starting to get along and hang out with each other. Have a baby when you want, because at this point it won't be for her benefit. Now if you want to do it for your next child, plan when they're about to turn two, all of my friends whose siblings are two years apart are actually friends.

Answer 7

Maybe U should rethink such decision... I think U should wait & realize if U really really want another baby...
'Just 4 the sake of ur daughter' is not a good reason - that might be only an excuse...

Answer 8

Do it when you think the time is right I have a 10 year old daughter and a 11 week old baby it is great.

Answer 9

Along with higher welfare checks, this is right up there with one of the worst reasons to have kids. If you want your daughter to have a companion, get her a puppy or take her to a playgroup.

Answer 10

There are much easier ways to find a companion for your daughter.... Day care, pre-schools, mommy clubs, etc.

If you don't actually WANT another child, you shouldn't have another child. Period.