A friend of mine recently lost her husband in an accident. Our group of friends has gathered around her as best we can, to offer our love and support. Is there anything in particular that anyone did for you that really touched you in your time of grief? Also, was your loss sudden like hers was?
2007-09-20 09:26:25 · 21 answers · asked by Jess H 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Vinster82-I'm so sorry about your wife and fiance. I send a {{hug}} to you.
2007-09-20 09:39:57 · update #1
Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful answers. I wish I could give you all a big hug.
2007-09-20 14:48:47 · update #2
I've had two losses. My first wife died in 1999 of breast cancer after a three year fight, she was 36. We had two boys, 8 and 5 at the time Just over a month ago I lost my fiance in a car accident, she was 40, we have a 6 year old daughter.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApOThxm7jY6lhY0pVL1dG.nsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070829213546AAavtYy
Both losses are so different it's hard to describe. Just be there for her whenever she needs you. She'll need lots of things that she can't even think about right now. Everybody seems to think food is the answer for some reason. Take her out once in a while. Let her cry on your shoulder as long as she needs to. Don't try to understand or tell her you know how she feels because you don't. Clean her house. Buy her groceries. Does she have kids? If so offer to take the kids. Stay in close contact. The worst thing is the awful feeling of loneliness when it's all over and everybody goes back to their normal lives...
If she needs someone who has been through I'd be more than happy to speak with her.
2007-09-20 09:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by vinster82 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I haven't lost a spouse but I have lost 2 sons. The best thing that anyone gave us was the ability to vent and just talk about what happened, cry when needed and scream very loud.
Friendship is something that is needed in a time like this but on the other side don't smother them either. People (I know I do) need time alone to sort things out on their own.
The outpouring of help was great and I thank each of my friends tremendously for their support.
2007-09-20 09:31:24 · answer #2 · answered by Pat 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My loss wasn't sudden (1 year), but it was devastating. I cared for a dying husband (stomach cancer) for a year, all alone with no help from family or friends. Except for Hospice coming in once a week so I could go to the grocery store, I wasn't able to leave the house for a whole year.
After he died, friends called and gathered around. But during his illness, I was alone. That was when I needed them the most.
Your friend is lucky to have you! Just do small things like taking her out to dinner or a movie. Those things will all help her smile and take away the pain for a short while.
God bless you!
2007-09-20 09:38:40 · answer #3 · answered by Devoted1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost my wife unexpectedly a little over two years ago... the best things people were able to do for me were to listen to be ranting without judging, and to continue to involve me in social things in their lives. The absolute best was done by a lady friend of mine who is closer than a sister, she love her husband many years back... so she understood... she and I just hung out together as and brother and sister would... nothing 'special'... just deep friendship and understanding.
The worst were the empty platitudes and abandonment from the religious folks.
No matter how much someone wants to understand... they never can unless they have already walked that path.
2007-09-20 09:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take care of her--get a massage or her nails done; help her pay her bills; stay the night if she's afraid; make sure she's okay financially; just sit on the sofa and watch old movies; make sure she is eating right and taking care of her grooming; be there for her.
Whatever you do, don't rush her. When my husband died, my sister told me I needed to get over it after three months. She still has no idea how deeply that hurt me. Each of us grief in our own way and for our own time. Allow her the time she needs.
2007-09-20 10:16:42 · answer #5 · answered by Gal from Yellow Flat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think a loss is ever not sudden. I am sorry for your friend. I would tell her to keep things of his around her and wear his shirts for a while. (BUT NOT TOO LONG) that can help her feel close to him when she wants it the most.
I did not loose my husband, I lost my best friend and wore his t shirts and pajamas for a while and it was nice to snuggle in them and smell him for a while when I felt like he was so far away, it helped make him feel close and surrounding me.
2007-09-20 09:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I lost a spouse after a long-term illness. Most helpful for me were the friends who were supportive about three weeks after the funeral, when most supports start to fade and the hassles of the funeral are done.
After everything has settled down, she'll have time to think... that's when I recommend you be there...
2007-09-20 09:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by Ũniνέгsäl Рдnтsthέisт™ 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes local churches or local funeral homes have grief counseling classes that can help people work through their emotions in instances such as this...the groups are not just for people who have lost spouses due to old age.
2007-09-20 09:32:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have not lost a spouse, but I lost my brother in an accident. All I can say is that only time can make it hurt less. There is nothing you can do to make it all better. She will, however, need plenty of support for a long time to come.
2007-09-20 09:30:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Don't push.
Just listen if and when she wants to talk.
Don't tell her that you know how she feels.
No one knows how another feels in times like this.
I know how I felt. I do not know how another feels.
Sudden? Yes, three times. Once a son.
The thing I remember, my friends took the time to spend with me when I needed or called them.
The time does come when friends drift away, and that's not all bad.
One must finally realize that friends gave all their support and strength when needed most. Then one must learn to stand by themselves.
In time, that person will also give his/her support and strength to another.
If she begins to give things away or dispose of things, time to worry.
That's a sign of suicidal thoughts. It happens. Did to me.
2007-09-20 09:39:29 · answer #10 · answered by ed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋