I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents, and am worried about my future mental health?

Question

I was exposed to physical fighting, broken bones, I was physically pushed around sometimes, many visits from the cops, neighbors coming over to "check in" and countless sleepless nights due to my parents drunken screaming. To this day, I still feel as if I have to be "the parent" when my dad calls and claims he "just wants to end it all" (he's said this all my life w/ no follow through)

Anyways, now that I have moved out and am on my own (I'm 22) I hold a fairly stable life. I dont drink too often, have "normal" friends, and I am physically active, etc. I'm beginning to think that, with an upbringing like mine though its any minute before I crack. My boyfriend is on anti-depressants and his f-cking family is f-cking perfect. Christian, warm, welcoming, pretty strict, but so what? IT ENRAGES ME THAT HE CLAIMS "DEPRESSION" when he HAS NO IDEA what its like to be forced to be the adult since you're like8 yrs old and SAD YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

Answer 1

Hi Hon...

First of all you wre abused as a child, and that leaves many emotional scars... i had the same sort of life, and father, so i understand COMPLETELY where you are coming from.. believe me.

I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder for years... no fun either... still struggling.

One thing i did for me was to attend some ALANON meetings, which are for people whose lives have been affected by acoholics... works wonders, and you will find you are not alone.

You can also try some therapy. You say you are ENRAGED. apparently, you are harboring a lot of issues and hanging on to quite a lot of pain.

One thing i learned in therapy is that my abuser, my father, was VERY ILL... and that it WAS NOT MY FAULT that my father was abusive... i grew up thinking that somehow, it was my fault... kids think this way sometimes.

The majority of people who drink in excess, do so to "self-medicate".. it makes them feel better. And the majority of people who drink to excess have underlying emotional/mental illness problems. So you dad probably is depressed.. but it's HIS PROBLEM and he needs to shut UP, stop complaining and do something about it for himself. Whether he will get help or not, is entirely up to him.

YOU have the option to get some help.. You deserve good help, and there are many resources out there.

you can also do a yahoo search on COPING WITH ALCOHOLIC PARENTS, COPING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC, ALCOHOL RUINED MY LIFE, and whatever else you think of to search for.... you will find a lot of good information and helpful suggestions for coping.

I really hope you will do what it takes to recover from your father's uncaring abuse and neglect -- because it's affected you deeply, i can see that.

sending hugs

Answer 2

You shouldn't be angry at him because he has depression. There are many levels of it and it is a clinical issue. So try to be more supportive of him first off. Are his problems as horrible as yours? Most likely not. But there are people with problems and upbringings as bad or worse than yours. Which is an unfortunate circumstance in many nations today. Like I said though, just try to remember there are many levels of personal depression and some people can just be more easily affected than others. Secondly, usually with an upbringing like yours women tend to only seek out other abusive people, especially in relationships, so if your boyfriend is not abusive consider yourself lucky. You do seem to have a fairly good grip on things. However, sometimes the women who grow up this way, instead of seeking abusive relationships, become the angry and violent abusive person. My advice is that if you feel this may become the case, or if even now, you feel yourself over-reacting to things, being physically, verbally or mentally abusive in any way, to seek care and treatement. The things you went through have a way of manifesting themselves until you feel you have no control of yourself, and at a certain point, don't see that there is a problem. That you worry about it is a good sign however. If you are depressed, that is something that needs to be treated clinically, and can be helped with medication and regular psychiatric treatement to help you resolve your issues and live a healthier and happier life.

Answer 3

Honestly you sound like you have a very firm grasp on reality. I think a lot of people from a turbulent childhood's crack because they cant handle the reality of such a scared past. You should know that Depression is sometimes just a genetic problem sometimes has nothing to do with your upbringing.

Answer 4

i know exactly how you feel. i had 2 alcoholic parents. i am 18 & out on my own as well. i had to be the grown up & take care of me & my younger sister. i turned out fine. i have a huge trust problem. i don't & will not ever touch alcohol. i am scared of a lot. i mean i am sucessful, i recieved a great scholarship & i am going ito real estate. i think it is all about how you handle things. my sister is 14. they treated her different. my parents are sober now & they treat her like she is 17 & let her so things that i was never allowed to do. i always done everything for myself. i think you will be fine in the future. if you make yourself out to be the victim then thats when you start being seriously affected. you have to help yourself. it is good if you talk to some1 everyonce in a while. i did. without my husband always being there for me, i would be a train wreck. if you have good friends, your set. good luck in the future!

Answer 5

I went through the same things you have went through and still am. You just have to move on and know that your lifestyle has made you a better person in the long run because you have been through so much. It is over now so look forward to a happy future and make sure that you do better for your children so they don't have to go through what you have went through.

Answer 6

if you have made it this far into your life without any mental problems, then the chances of you acquiring any are VERY slim! 99% of people with mental problems caused by problems in the household will start showing symptoms of the illness at the average age of 5.7 years old. So if you don't have any problems now, chances are you never will. So no worries!

Answer 7

You seem to be incorporating two ideas in one: Your parent's history and whether it will repeat itself in your life, and an expressed anger towards someone you supposedly love for having reactions to lesser stresses than what you faced in your past.
The first part is easy to respond to; There seems to be some potential link between people whose family history includes addiction. It is unclear as to why this happens, and it has been attributed to both learned and genetic causes. But knowing your parents issues and wanting to avoid the same mistakes in your own life may give you strength and perspective to avoid those pitfalls.

The second aspect may be a little harder to decipher. It may help you to know that everyone has their own threshold for stress, and pain. what may be easy for you to address, may be difficult for him; not because he comes from a "perfect" family, but because his own toleration for stress may be lower than yours.

Answer 8

Call with any problem, Anytime:
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
Phone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]
They have the trained professionals
to help you with this. Please call. <}:-})