A roomate of mine assumed she was in my bridal party, and i have not had the heart to tell her she isn't. I feel as though my party is big enough and I really want her out of it!! Lately she kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. You know the movie, single white female? Something like that!! Any suggestions??
2007-09-20 08:25:37 · 29 answers · asked by Destiny9282 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Its your roommate so you really need to be prepared to move out just in case it really does turn ugly. But I would sit down with her and say that you and your fiance have discussed it and decided on your bridal party and that you had too many girls on your list and that you needed to scale your numbers down and unfortunately that meant cutting out some dear friends and that she is one of those that was cut. That you hope she can understand and not be hurt by the decision and you still really would be thrilled if she would still be there to celebrate with you as your guest.
Good luck!
2007-09-20 08:32:26 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell from your question how far this has gone. If you let her assume she was a bridesmaid and shopping/planning have occured then she kinda is one. It's a different conversation than if you haven't really started planning and it's only been a few weeks.
Either way, nip it in the bud TODAY. The conversation ain't going to be any more fun next week, or the week after. I don't think I'd lie and say she got "cut" - that kinda makes you a jerk. Tell her the truth, that you are sorry she made that assumption, but you've chosen friends you have know longer.
The truth can't come back and bite you in the *** like a lie can.
2007-09-20 15:38:47 · answer #2 · answered by eli_star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to tell her ASAP. By not telling her immediately you've agreed she is in it by default. She shouldn't have assumed but you shouldn't have let her assume. She isn't going to be happy and she may be upset. But it sounds like she isn't that good of a friend and it may be for the best.
Just let her know that the wedding is more expensive than you thought and that you are having to cut back and that only a few people will be able to be in the actual ceremony.
If you don't mind, give her some other small job and play it up as being very valuable or important.
2007-09-20 15:33:54 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You NEED to do something post haste!!!! The longer she isn't certain about what your plans are (because if YOU didn't specifically ask her, she's bound to realize that she might not be in), the more SWF she becomes. Try this one, your future husband has # number of groomsmen, and that is the number he has insisted you stick with as far as bridesmaids (make sure he is aware of your plans so he can back you up). Say, "I'm really sorry, but the cost of the wedding is going out of control and I can only have # number of bridesmaids." It would help if you start to let on that costs are going higher than you planned BEFORE you drop the bomb. I hope it all works out....
2007-09-20 15:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by baxter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to stay friends (or are just plain scared of her reaction) the easiest thing to do is this: Tell her that you would love to have her in the wedding but the groomsmen you were going to pair her up with can't do it and there is no one your fiance wants to replace him with. Obviously you need the same number on both sides, so would she mind taking some other role in the wedding, (like doing a reading if you are Catholic, etc) or helping you with something at the reception?
This way she is still included, but in a minimalistic way. If this girl is all SWF on you, cutting her out completely might cause some kind of disaster. You dont want her making a scene at your wedding and ruining your day as retribution!
Best Wishes!
2007-09-20 15:32:46 · answer #5 · answered by Kristi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The sooner you tell her the better and you will have to TELL her. Just say, "I'm sorry you've gotten the impression that you are going to be in my bridal party, but the fact is that I can't accomodate you. My bridal party is already full. My fiance and I have already agreed on the members of each side."
BTW, I'd think about new living arrangements until the wedding if I were you.
2007-09-20 15:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by JD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear god! I hate that movie haha!
Well, since she kinda invited herself, I don't think you're rude to set her straight....which you DO need to do by the way. It's kinda weird that you didn't invite her, since she is your roomate, so in her defense I can see why she assumed she was (which was still wrong to do).
You can try beating around the bush. For example, have your bridal party all go out to dinner to discuss the details and don't invite her....but that's kinda mean. Instead, I'd tell her honestly. You need to "get the heart to tell her" or else she is going to control your whole wedding.
Good luck.
2007-09-20 15:39:19 · answer #7 · answered by kiki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you never asked this woman to be in your wedding, then she's not a bridesmaid, never was. Perhaps you just need to say something along the lines of "based on some of your comments, it sounds like you hope to be invited to be in the bridal party. I wish I could have all of my friends be bridesmaids, but unfortunately, we have to limit the number."
2007-09-20 17:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you really should have told her form the start - you doing this to her would be the same thing as a man leading you on to beleive you have a relationship when you dont -
my suggestion is sit her down ( maybe just you two out at dinner so there are witnesses lol but kinda serious on that ) and say to her - look your a really good friend to me and i value you and everything you bring to my life so much - but i honestly dont need you to be in my wedding - i want you there and i want you to help make sure things are set up ( give her small tasks the day of the wedding food looks nice dishes are clean ) or ask her to sit to the side when gifts are opened and record who gave what ) but as for actually being in the wedding i have already taken care of that - and the only reason i didnt tell you earlier is because i didnt want you to get mad and not come at all because i really want you to be there -
2007-09-20 15:34:00 · answer #9 · answered by imissmahboo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The exact same thing happened with one of our friends. She assumed that she was going to be not only in the bridal party, but the maid of honour. When we found what she was thinking, we had to pull her aside immediately and let her know the truth. To make things a bit easier, we offered to let her do one of the readings in the church so she still felt like she was involved.
2007-09-20 15:34:49 · answer #10 · answered by Ian M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋