My parents told me that they would pay for my reception, and booked the place with my money for the deposit, no other money has been put into it. Then when we discussed about the fact that my fiance and I would like to offer alcoholic beverages at the reception, they freaked out and now they are not paying for the reception at all. I am not sure what to do, my fiance and I can't afford to pay for it, and we offered to have the reception without any alcohol, and they said that the fight that we had with them over it hurt their feelings and now they aren't paying for it all. What should I do?
2007-09-20 07:38:57 · 35 answers · asked by Jamie S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I thought I should add that we offered from the beginning that if they didn't want the alcohol, then we would pay for that prtion. We were only going to offer a cash bar anyway where people were going to pay for their own. We were just trying to get them to open up to the fact that just because they are non-drinkers does not mean that every other peson in the worls is a non drinker. We were just trrying to get them to open their horizons on a day that is supposed to be ours anyway. Then they just said for get it. If it is your day then it shoudl be your money, HAVE AT IT.
2007-09-20 08:04:58 · update #1
this is the right answer- your parents are wrong- maybe some people pay for their weddings, but 8 out of 10 parents at least contribute to the wedding, unless they cant financially afford it at all.
also 8 out of 10 people have open bar and the rest have alcohol available upon request, everyone has an alcoholic or 2 in the family so unless the bride and groom are AA themselves there is at least champagne and wine (you didn't say why they were apposed to alcohol??)
i would say to open a credit card with no interest the first year and pay for it all yourselves then after your wedding you should definitely have the money back (9 out of 10 give cash) then pay it off immediately with no interest. and if you have too pick up an extra shift here or there, or waitress for an extra 100-150 $s a night once or twice a week. you can do it. have the wedding you want. also im paying for most of my own wedding, with some contributions, but let me say that when my daughter gets married, i would want to pay for it all, for fear that anyone else might take the cheap way out, these are the joys of parenting and a proud day in life (assuming they like your fiance)
maybe you can apologize and just ask did you want to contribute to the dress, flowers, limo, jewelry, photography, there are plenty of other things they can help with that might all together be as costly as the reception.
2007-09-20 12:03:07 · answer #1 · answered by vicki d 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is really harsh of your parents. If I were in your situation, I would just cut my loses with the deposit and my fiance and I would elope and have a lovely little ceremony/honeymoon in Cabo or have a backyard wedding and do it the way that you want to do it - serving alcohol. I've never been to a wedding that didn't serve alcohol, so it's not like you guys brought up this ridiculous, unconventional idea.
Fortunately, my parents are paying for my wedding, but I know that if they weren't, my fiance and I would do something small because it's really not worth going into debt or working two jobs and never seeing each other just to have an extravagant wedding - it's only one day. The important thing is the exchanging of vows with your fiance.
The day is supposed to be "your day" and it's sad that you're parents can't see that.
2007-09-20 08:51:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your parents are being extremely immature about this--especially given the fact that you apologized and offered to respect their wishes--but, that aside, you need to find out if it is too late to get your deposit back. Hopefully, it was not a non-refundable deposit.
You need to look at what you can afford and that may not be much, but you can find alternatives to an expensive reception. A BBQ could work, depending on how many people are invited. You may not be able to have a full dinner. You may have to sacrifice a more expensive cake and other amenities, but you need to take control of the situation. If the invitations have not been sent you may have to scale back the wedding. If they have been sent, then you need to let people know immediately of a change in venue. If you belong to a church group sometimes the women's auxiliary will help with receptions.
Tell your parents you respect the fact that they do not want to give you a reception and in light of that you will be scaling back the reception to fit your budget and you will not be able to accommodate the entire guest list as was originally planned. Maybe if they see what their behavior has done it may get them to rethink the total immaturity of it.
2007-09-20 07:47:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yikes...there is obviously a bigger issue here. It is pretty standard to have booze at wedding receptions. If they are alcoholics, Mormon or otherwise anti-drinkers, you probably wouldn't have asked about it. Maybe they were offended because they got the impression that you expected them to host an open bar, but surely most parents would expect at least champagne & wine to be served?
If this completely caught you off guard, the most likely reason in my opinion is that they realized that they overcommited themselves and cannot afford to pay for it. Using the "you hurt our feelings" excuse seems childish.
Only you know what your relationship is like with your parents, but I would have a talk with them and explain that you are delighted they want to contribute, and perhaps there is a set dollar amount they have in mind, and you'll cover the rest.
You should immediately find out about getting your deposit back and look into less expensive options - be ready to trim your reception to something you CAN afford on your own.
2007-09-20 07:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by eli_star 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I'd say that you should have whatever reception you and your fiance can afford. You may have to book a smaller venue, cut back your guest list, or serve finger foods instead of a full meal. Do whatever you need to do to pay for it yourselves.
If you aren't financially stable enough to have any reception, you should either elope, or postpone the wedding until you can afford something.
The experience of paying for your own reception will teach you and your fiance a lot about financial planning, which will help avoid problems with your finances in the future. It might not seem like it now, but your parents are doing you a big favor!
2007-09-20 07:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by Stacia T 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
That really is sad news that your parents backed-out in paying for your reception. They shouldn't of agreed in the first place if they were unsure. But I'm sure there has to be another reason behind why all of a sudden they didn't want to do it. I don't think because of the serving of alcoholic beverages was the main cause of them backing off. If your parents have been to other parties they should know that alcohol is one of the main things to serve at a party. Let them know this is a huge set back for you and you would appreciate their help, or show them you can do it without them. Why don't you consider taking out a loan. I know I would.
2007-09-20 07:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by ~JUST ME~ 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you can't afford to pay for the reception, then cancel it. It's the only thing you can do. You may lose some or all of your deposit - but what other options are there if you simply don't have the money to pay for the rest? Find a place that's more affordable, or do something very simple like a backyard BBQ reception.
2007-09-20 08:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is the beginning of your lives as married adults. Your parents are being small minded. Cancel the reception.
Host a smaller wedding, paid for by yourselves. Even if it is only nibblies and cake and punch. You guys will be proud to have done it yourselves, and your parents will have to just lump it.
Dont let them know you are hurting over them pulling out of paying for the reception. they are being controlling and dictating to you what you can and cannot have on which is after all your day.
As the wedding is to be smaller, dont invite any of their friends and aquaintances. When they ask why not, say you cant afford to have them there as you guys are paying for it yourselves.
Your parents have no right to rule your lives like they are. Go ahead with your wedding, have pride in making it on your own. Let them explain to their friends why they cant come.
Oh and have a drink for me to celebrate!
Good luck.
2007-09-20 10:30:08 · answer #8 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am afraid of the same thing. We budgeted that my parents would pay for half, but I am nervous that they might back out.
In order to cut costs, we opted for a no-host barand luckily our venue pays for complimentary champagne upon arrival of our guests as a gift to us.
They always say not to go into debt for your wedding, but expenses just seem to keep snowballing. Maybe you can compromise with your parents to pay for other parts of your wedding, besides the reception (dress, flowers, photography, favors) if they are totally against the reception. But my biggest suggestion, start cutting down your guest list...
Best of luck to you
2007-09-20 11:52:10 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you can somehow split the cost with your fiance's parents, there really is nothing you can do. You can't afford it, so you'll have to cancel at that place and lose your deposit. Maybe your parents would be courteous enough to help refund some of that deposit since they were the ones that were going to pay, but if they don't, it just plain sucks.
Man, oh man, would I be pissed. I feel so bad for you that you have parents like that.
2007-09-20 07:46:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jennies 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋