What am I doing wrong?.....................?

Question

I'm 19 years old and in college, I'm a really nice guy, but i have never had a girlfriend. I know "nice guys finish last" but I don't think I need to change/I don't know how to change. I'm really good friends with this girl but in an argument that we had a couple of months ago she said she didn't have any feeling for me. I don't know if she is changing her mind about liking me or not but she has been calling me almost everyday to say Hi and to see what I'm doing. I give her rides to school everyday because I like hanging out with her. I have done a lot for this girl however it feels like it will never be enough. I gave her flowers on valentines day last year, I take her out to dinner, I pay and drive when we hang out (she sometimes offers to pay), I have been there for her almost every time she needed something. It may sound like she is using me, but I don't think so. I know I could ask her out again but I don't knw if I want to end our friendship if she says no. What am I doing wrong?

I don't think I'm that bad looking, I think its because I'm somewhat shy which is why I have never had a girlfriend, but I don't know what girls are looking for in a boyfriend? Would she make the first move if she did ever change her mind about likeing me? We talk and laugh and have a good time when we hang out, but I just wish I had a serious girlfriend. I know I will hopefully find someone that will like me for me, but I can't get passed the friendzone with girls, why?

thanks

BTW this girl I like is 17 years old soon to be 18 years old next month.

Answer 1

you are falling right into her hands, you are her safety net, if she wants something you do it, next time she offers to pay let her! otherwise its always going to be you stuck with the bill. she doesnt want to lose you because then she would lose all the things you do for her, but she isnt going to be your girlfriend, i have seen this many times, you can still be friends with her but stop doing all those things, and see how fast she stops wanting to hang out, that's how you know if a friend is a true friend or not, if the money runs out, does the friendship??? be careful!

Answer 2

You are not necessarily doing anything wrong. Most women would love to have a boyfriend like you. Notice I say most women. A 17 year old is still a girl.

You're still young, so don't put too much emphasize on not having a steady girl. Personally, I think you are doing too much for a girl who says she doesn't have any feelings for you.

You can overcome your shyness. You need to start meeting other girls and socializing more. If this girl does have feelings for you she may have said she didn't just in anger (she's young), but she is obviously not ready for a long-term relationship.

Date a bit more; date other girls, and if you find you still have feelings for this girl in a few months, then reassess the relationship. You're in college, she's probably in high school. That means a big difference in your social lives. Give it time and explore your options.

Answer 3

Okay, first off, understand that "girls" don't want any particular thing, as a group. Individual girls like individual things, and people.

That said, for sure people, male and female, are more attracted to confidence. Most people want to be around the person who seems to be enjoying life. Most want to ride the train that seems to be headed somewhere fun. If you're really comfortable with yourself and know your own value, then you're more attractive to others.

Someone not being interested in you isn't a judgement on your value as a person or your attractiveness as a guy - it's just that one person is looking for something else. Okay, so get out and find the people who like people like you.

Do you have any interests? If so, pursue them - if it's art, take a class, volunteer at a museum (hey, even the older volunteers have younger kids and grandkids. Let them know when they ask that you're available and if you're as nice a guy as you say, you will be asked places where you'll meet them). If it's music, volunteer to help out at the campus cafe on open mic night or when the bands play...

Get the idea? The whole world isn't this girl you're giving rides to, who may or may not be interested in you. If you really want to know, ask her out - she'll say "yes" or "no," neither of which will kill you. Sounds like you need to meet more people.

Answer 4

You're not doing anything wrong, you sound like one of those perfect guys that every girl is looking for and she just doesn't realise it or is playing hard to get.
Never change for anyone, always be yourself! If someone doesn't like you for who you are the tell them where to go!
I think you should tell her how you feel about her, that you love spending time with her and want to see if your relationship can go any further.
If she doesn't like you more than a friend then thats fair enough, you can't force her to like you, but she should stop letting you pay for things. I know that if i don't like a guy more than a friend, i won't let him pay for me if he offers, because i think its giving the wrong impression, like they might think its a date.
Just tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same way, don't ask her out straight away, you need to see how she feels about you first. And if she just sees you as a friend, don't get upset about it, there's plenty more fish in the sea and a nice guy like you will find someone pretty soon, there's nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend, it just makes you nicer, guys like you are hard to find!

Answer 5

Always work on yourself. Exercise. Get some sun. In just a few weeks you will feel more confident.

After that plan outdoor activities. Invite lots of girls. Girls always want to go hiking or to wine festivals. Groups of people doing things will disarm the girls and give you experience.

Most of all enjoy yourself until you meet the right girl. It will happen and than you will look back at this time as your wild and crazy days!

Answer 6

You probably r a nice guy but back off. People (men and woman) like a challenge we like the chase, your giving her everything she wants, leaving her with no wonder if u will or if u wont. Be her friend but don't be so available. Let her think u have a date. When girls have a guy like u they don't think you can ever be attracted to anyone else, let her no you r, she probably will want you after she realizes she's not the center of your universe. It will be a goal for her to get u to like her in the way you did before.

Answer 7

Don't ever change. You are the nice guy and girls (especially young ones) will take advantage of that. Be true to yourself and a REAL woman will come along and accept and value you for who you really are. By the way...if you ignore this girl and she follows you and all of a sudden wants to be with you, walk away because she is too immature for a relationship.

Answer 8

sometimes girls are hard to read. unless you talk to her about the possibility of a relationship, you wont really get anywhere with her. what I would do if I were you.... would be to print all this out that you just wrote.... and fold it up and stick it in her books or somewhere she will read it. that would be a better way to tell her exactly how you feel if you're too shy to talk about it. then later, after she reads it, ask her what she thinks...

Answer 9

This is always a tough situation to answer to because A. sometimes she can be using you for rides, dinners, materialistic things...etc...but I don't think this is the case here. I would give her her space and maybe pay less attention to her. I would just ask her.

Answer 10

Sounds like she wants one thing in a "boyfriend" and something else in a companion. You can either give her time, or move on. 50/50 either way.

Ask her out again. You never know till you ask, and if she say no then you have your answer.