what is the difference between being "manipulative", and setting boundaries in the relationship?
i cant stand him when he has been smoking pot
2007-09-20 07:09:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I dont think he knows what manipulative means. You should just tell him that you dont like it when he smokes pot and may not be able to continue seeing him because of that.
2007-09-20 07:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Kit Kat,
The difference between being manipulative, and setting boundaries, is a function of your objective. If you are attempting to modify your boyfriends behavior, by depriving him of your companionship when he is stoned; you are being manipulative. However, if you have decided, you will not be subject to his presence, when he is stoned, and truly don't care what he does, as long as he doesn't do it in your presence; you are merely setting a boundary.
Setting boundaries is good for your emotional health; being manipulative is not. Manipulation is doomed to failure, dragging you down, with the person you are attempting to control. The phenomenon is known as codependency. The link cited below is a tutorial on codependency.
Larry
2007-09-20 15:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Larry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Manipulative is a word that men and women use in order to try and get their way. Over time manipulation has gotten such a bad reputation that people will do almost anything in order to avoid being labeled with it. Your boyfriend is simply trying to get his way by associating you with something he knows will bother you.
The easiest way to handle the situation is to tell him that you can not stand him when he's been smoking. You will not force yourself to do something you don't want to do, if that's manipulation than so be it.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, manipulate's main definition is "to process, organize, or operate mentally or logically; to handle with mental or intellectual skill." It is not until quite recently that manipulate has meant to "manage, control, or influence in a subtle, devious, or underhand manner." Therefore, you are logically making the decision to stay away from your boyfriend when he is doing something you don't like. There is nothing subtle, devious, or underhanded about that since you are not hiding the action from him.
2007-09-20 07:27:22 · answer #3 · answered by lkydragn 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not being manipulative unless you encourage him to smoke pot, THEN refuse to see him.
2007-09-20 07:26:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u shouldn't stand him..
This is only MY view. For professional advice, check out the link I have given below. The guy (Relationship Doctor) gives sincere advice. He also replies through e-mail I guess. Try it. It is genuine.
http://relationship-doctor.blogspot.com
2007-09-20 22:27:11 · answer #5 · answered by AYOOZe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typical of a pot smoker to divert the attention away from the real problem get out whilst you can the verbal abuse will only get worst I know good luck
2007-09-20 07:23:43 · answer #6 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
marvelous, and a huge compliment. It potential you're seen an fundamental area of the place of work ( area of the furnishings ). and that i on no account heard of a potted plant being outsourced.
2016-11-05 23:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave well alone,give him an ultimatum,"me or pot"if he really loves you he will make the right choice if not you know where the door is,so walk through it and find a better b.friend.it's not worth the hassle.
2007-09-20 07:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by samson823 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should refuse to see him altogether-- pot is illegal (unless you're in the Netherlands), and drug charges will follow you in ways that they never used to. Avoid, avoid, AVOID people who are into drugs, whether they are using them around you, or not.
Your boyfriend is trying to guilt trip you into tolerating behavior that's in no one's best interests. Be the adult, and find a better boyfriend.
2007-09-20 07:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by Marc M 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what your doing is not being manipulative. you need to leave his stoned butt at the curb and find a man that doesnt do drugs
2007-09-20 07:19:06 · answer #10 · answered by princess 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋