Stay at Home Mother Using Childcare?

Question

I am a stay at home mother of a 15 month old. I use a childcare center 2 days a week and find that my daughter gets a lot out of this. She is very well adjusted, happy and social. These 2 days also give me time to grocery shop, clean our home (which is pretty large) and to have some "me" time.
I am curious to see what others think of this arrangement. My husband thinks it's great but I have a few other family members that don't understand why I use a daycare when I don't have an "outside, 9-5 job.

I would appreciate a variety of answers and if you think this is wrong, please tell me why you think so and be specific.

Most thorough answer=10 pts. thanks

we fund this all on our own. I would NEVER ask for or accept state funding since we don't need it and so many other people do.

Answer 1

I do the same thing. I know that some people do not understand why I would pay for daycare when I don't have an outside job. One of my biggest critics was my mother in law, then she came to stay for a while and realized that I am the only stay at home mom on our street. If my child did not go to daycare she would never get to interact with other children. O.k. I also get to have some time to do things with out my "helper", but I also think it's very important to have her socialize with other kids her own age. When I was growing up many moms were at home and all of us kids would end up playing at someones house while our mom had time for herself. Unfortunatly the way things are now these informal arrangements are few and far between so a more formal action has to be taken. In my opinion it also keeps me from "burning out" as a mommy (after all there is just so much toddler talk you can do then you have to get out for an adult conversation, or watch the news, or even read a book that has no pictures in it and doesn't rhyme!)

I say good for you!!!!!

Answer 2

Utilizing outside care so you can take care of the home and yourself is a great idea and I wish more moms did it. Even if you trade with a friend due to child care costs a day or two off make you a better parent. Don't let other people tell you it is selfish or wrong - being a mom is hard work and you need to regenerate from time to time. I had the benefit of being able to telecommute when my kids were small so I had a helper who came in during business hours to take care of my 3 kids while I worked - there was a lot of choice things friends and family said about that and the fact that my Husband and I have a standing Friday night date - if it is only a 1 hour drink at the local tavern or a walk around the park we take a bit of time for our relationship each week - it is important, one day the kids will be gone and we need to still be in love so we don't wind up a statistic. It is great that you take time for you and the home but don't forget your marriage too - set up a date night you'll be glad you did and so will your husband! Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you and your husband can afford it, then no one should make you feel guilty for doing that. Being home with a child is very difficult and tiring and there is no reason you can't get a litlte relief every once in a while. By getting the break you deserve, you can be a better parent to your child. And yes, I am sure your child is benefiting by being with other children and learning some very important social skills. Also, it is good for your child not to be so attached from you and have some of their own space.

The only way I would have a problem with this situation is if you and your husband are getting financial assistance for the 2 days of childcare. If the state or other agency is helping to fund the childcare, than I think that isn't fair that you are taking away from someone who could really use it and you should be caring for your own child.

Answer 4

I am a SAHM of four kids 6 and under. Being a mom is a full time and very exhausting but also very rewarding job. I am sure that it is easier to get things done while your little one is in daycare but perhaps it would be better to get a mothers helper at home? I personally don't think daycare is good for children at any age and 15 months is very young and two days is a long time for a little kid. Everyone else seems to be cheering you on so I won't. I don't think that it makes you a bad mother at all but I definitely think that it would be better for both of you to be together. We are (all of us) so willing to cheer someone one and give pats on the back for giving ourselves "me" time but our children will be grown or even simply different and both parent and child miss out from not being together. In terms of "socialization" your baby gets more and better socialization by being with you! This said, believe me I know that it's hard. But really, it is in doing these hard things with love and giving of ourselves that we learn to love even better and more deeply. Maybe you could find another mom with a child of a similar age and have a regular exchange. I do that with my friends (or did till this summer when I moved across the country) and my kids love it and so do I because they have so much fun when the other kids are over and I get some time to do whatever when they are gone. You could also use the daycare money to pay someone to come and clean your house! I wish I had that option!

Answer 5

Very Cool! It is totally unbelievable how people just don't get that being a stay-at-home mom is a job, a REAL job. In many ways it is harder. If I am running behind at work I just tell my boss I'll get him the report tomorrow, if you run behind everything gets out of whack! I mean if you don't go in order, and keep up with yourself nap time might not happen until 2 or so, which will throw off night time sleep...etc.

Allowing your child to interact with other kids is great, and really needed. If you home-school your kid while they are young the kids really do tend to learn more, but when they get to Kindergarten they are way behind socially. You have the best of both worlds, and the ability for ME time is highly under-rated. I wish more people understood that when you are a stay at home mom you do not get a break. The dad helps out a bit when he gets home but you are probably responsible for most of the kid stuff. Since the child is around you mostly they probably gravitate toward you for most of the "Mommy I need a drink..I'm hungry....I'm sleepy....I can't find my toy...etc. And it isn't like you leave your job and on the weekends you get to go off and do what ever you like!

The daycare centers around me actually have a program called "Mommy's Morning out" where they will watch the child from 7am-12 noon for just $10. This opens up a world of treats for the mom, like getting YOUR hair cut, or catching a movie that YOU want to see, or even heaven forbid catching a nap!

"ME" time is needed for sanity, it is not selfish and it is not a waste of money to put your child in a daycare for a couple days a week. You benefit and so does your child.

Answer 6

I think that it is great! I am also a stay at home mom and while I just love being with my kids, it would be great If I could have a day or 2 per wk to run errands, make all the Dr's appts and just have a little time to myself. (Many moms use Mothers Morning Out or get Grandma to babysit sometimes) That way, you have all that stuff out of the way and you can concentrate on your child when they are home, and your child gets to play with other kids, too. Other people will always have an opinion so please don't let this bother you. If it works for you and your family then its the right thing to do! =0)

Answer 7

I have a home daycare and 2 of my kids parents don't work and they come 5 days a week all day. Personally though If I didn't work I would not have a child then put it in daycare but if you have a 15 month old going only 2 days a week I see nothing wrong with that b/c it does give you time to get stuff done. Parenting is very hard and a full time job so do not feel guilty..it's only 2 days.

Answer 8

I think it is great. My child picks up a lot of things from daycare. She loves the interaction with the children and is gaining valuable social skills. The daycare she goes to is also excellent so she is way ahead of her peers in certain areas. I certainly could not provide some of the activities that they do (e.g. circle time, some of the crafts, etc). They have a whole curriculum as I am sure yours does. As long as you can afford it and it is not a financial strain I think it is great. It sounds like your other family members are jealous. They should have no influence on what you and your husband have decided to do. Rule #1 of parenting, politely listen to what people have to say and then blow off anything that is not helpful. You should hear some of things people have told me to do, unbelievable. At the same time I have picked up some valuable tips by listening to what they have to say. However, your and your husband's judgement in regards to your daughter's well-being is what is important. Cleaning the house and food shopping are work, too. I think you are absolutely correct and would not give it a second thought.

Answer 9

Wow, you have the ideal situation in my opinion. I always joke that this is what I'm going to do when I win the lottery, lol. My 2 1/2 year old son attends daycare full time b/c my hubby and I both have to work. He benefits greatly from daycare. If I ever had the option to stay at home with him, I would want him to continue going to "school" 2 days a week. Every mom needs "me" time, it only makes us better mothers. The main reason I would continue to send him twice a week is b/c, like I said, he benefits greatly from it. Daycare can make a huge difference in a young child and when you find the right one (a very good one), you can't go wrong. How could you be?

Answer 10

I do almost the same thing. My son will be 3 in December and I have put him in daycare since he was a year old. He only goes a couple days a week but he gets a lot out of it. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters so he doesn't have anyone to socialize with at home besides adults. Kids learn a lot just from being around other kids. My son was shy when he first started because he was almost scared of the kids and the more time he gets to spend around kids the more skills he has picked up. His speech improved so much from being around the other kids. There are several things that kids pick up from being around other kids. I enjoy the break as well though. Being a stay at home mom it is very easy to become stressed and when you become stressed it is hard to be a good mom. In my opinion though allowing your kid time to play with other kids is definately a good thing for them and for you.