Why do so many people seem to think they have an obligation to tell adoptees how they should feel about their adoption?
That we should be grateful, happy, and love our adoptive parents?
What are they so scared of?
2007-09-20 05:22:29 · 29 answers · asked by Joy M 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
For people who want to answer like "Freedom" did;' at least you were not tied to the back of a car and dragged naked through the middle of town answers'
Would you talk to someone who wasn't adopted like that?
2007-09-20 08:33:57 · update #1
They are scared of adoptees hurting their adopted parents' feelings. The parents will feel sad and hurt since they did all they could for you and you aren't grateful.
2007-09-20 05:25:21 · answer #1 · answered by Tanya :] 4 · 4⤊ 11⤋
Freedom, is that something you experienced personally? That DOES happen to far too many children and it is TERRIBLE and it should never happen to anyone.
That being said, not all biological parents would relinquish their children if they knew the child would go to foster care. Many expectant moms actually WANT to parent and are loving nurturing souls. They just know that aparents have more money, more job security, bigger savings accounts, a nice house etc etc.
Material things they can not give to their children. It's really sad when adoptions happen for this reason because a child loses a really loving mother and never knows it, or finds out and is devastated by it. Especially if the child DOES end up in an abusive adoptive home and they would otherwise have actually been in a loving nurturing home, albeit lower income.
Both of those scenarios happen.
Do you see why there are a myriad of different ways an adoptee might feel about their adoptive parents and bio-parents respectively? For someone who only has experience with foster care adoptions, I can understand your view of bioparents vs adoptive parents.
Otherwise, it's a skewed vision.
2007-09-20 11:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 1⤋
I have no idea. I think a lot of people have the idea that their experience with life is the only experience out there, some people are very judgemental, some people just can't see outside their own world and experience.
I'm not sure what you mean by scared, who is scared in particular?
I think every adoptees, birth family, and adoptive family's experiences will be very different, as will the experiences of every family out there, so nobody has the right to tell someone else how they should feel.
Besides, anybody has the right to feel any old way they want about anything, right? I have no idea why people do that.
As an adoptee, I've experienced a similar thing, and I've learnt over time to tune it out.
I've also experienced other people telling me how I should feel about my birth family, who to some people are considered to be my 'real' family. Some people, including other adoptees are unable to understand how I feel about my situation, and see it as being 'unfaithful' to my birth family.
I don't know, I guess wherever you're coming from, there'll always be someone from another perspective to tell you that you're wrong!
2007-09-20 15:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Sonja 4 · 4⤊ 3⤋
That happened to me allot also. I think there afraid that if there isn't the "blood bond" that the "made up" family might just fall apart. There is so much divorce in this world that commitment is seen as some thing temporary that any party can back out of, and that is not the case with adoption. That is what makes it so wonderful. Also you will never know who gave up a child and these people need to believe that there children went on to better situations.
2007-09-20 06:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by sabosmom 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm adopted . my adopted parents told me so much about my biology parent that wasn't true. That hurt when I grew up and found out that it wasn't true. Then in school kids would tease me about being adopted. I think only other people that is adopted can truly understand about adoption. Also on the flip Side only biology parents can understand how they feel about adoption. Remember there is many reason to adopt or adopt your kids out. It isn't anyone business why anyone was adopted or why some adopted their kids out. Some people just don't know the facts.
2007-09-20 16:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by NayNay 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
each physique is entitled to in spite of thoughts they have no remember if accompanied or no longer. If somebody does not like it, it particularly is their issue. It does not make those adoptees products of scum! My accompanied daughter says she is fairly happy she grew to become into accompanied. She is attentive to multiple the circumstances of her start parents, and feels she does no longer have any style of existence had she no longer been adoopted. She says she's grateful to them for letting her pass to a family that ought to no longer basically love her, yet supply for her desires. those thoughts are valid. i'm grateful we've been waiting to grant her sufficient risk-free practices that she has those thoughts with regard to the existence she has. i'm very sorry for people who experience rejection, loss or different such issues. i desire they would be waiting to paintings by using those issues. yet for somebody to declare that they are pathetic or scum for feeling that way isn't basically absurd, yet heartless. i think even sorrier for them.
2016-10-05 01:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why people fell that way, but no one has the right to tell you how to feel or how you should feel. I am adopting a beautiful baby boy, and I thank his birthmother everyday. We are having an open adoption because I don't want my little boy to ever have to wonder about his birth family or have to search for them and be heartbroken because he didn't grow up with them.
I am not scared to let my baby boy know his birthfamily because it is important to me that he always be happy and fulfilled and I feel that denying him access to his birthfamily will cause him heartache, pain and grief that is totally unneccesary.
The next time someone tells you how you should feel, turn around and tell them that they should feel ashamed of themselves, you are entitled to your feelings and emotions, good or bad, and no one should tell you how to feel, ever. Good luck.
2007-09-20 12:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by hargonagain 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
This is about the 20th adoption question i answered reading and learning from other adopted people. Thank you for posting question about adoption! I was never told by my adopted( mom) that i was adopted and found out after her recent passing. Do i have questions and concerns to why she never told me? Sure do but you know what I'm a mom myself and need to focus on my kids lives now and not put myself into a frenzy as they say to why she never told me. There are alot of obvious reasons to why she didn't tell me and now that i know of the adoption its always going to be on my mind but i live day to day and am doing fine...She and my dad were the best thing to ever happen to me!
2007-09-21 13:33:23 · answer #8 · answered by robin r 6 · 2⤊ 4⤋
People are scared to find out the "solution" of adoption doenst "fix" the "problems" ie, single parenthood, infertility, poverty (or the lack of material goods). Not all adoptions are "happy happy joy joy" and the multibillion dollar industry does not want that to be known.
2007-09-20 08:04:36 · answer #9 · answered by mlassi65 2 · 10⤊ 1⤋
Because many people actually believe the (false) stereotype of the "druggy/alcoholic birthmother" and that women who place their children would actually just as soon dump them in the trash.
I know, is't that ignorance just insane?
People also still feed into the (false) idea that adoptees should feel "grateful" for something they had no control over, for something that (most of us) didn't ask for, for something that we didn't want - to be separated from our families and be lied to all our lives.
Some people still believe that an adopter is always a saint, and a "birth" mother is always a substance-abusing, child-abusing prostitute. (So not true)
People still believe that adoption is the only alternative to abortion - and vice versa.
Some people don't realize that even though they WEREN'T adopted, that they, too, could JUST as easily been aborted, or dumped in the trash by THEIR mothers. Perhaps they should feel grateful for that.
Some people just believe that an adoptee owes their very life to the person who "took them in" yet they don't realize that our "Birth" mothers would have (and probably wanted to) taken care of just just as well, if not BETTER, than our adopters.
Some people don't understand that adoption agencies are actively COERCING mothers out of their children because so many infertile people want a kid. Procuring that infant = big bucks. It's simple supply-and-demand, people.
Some people have no empathy for others.
Some people don't think that treating one class of humans as sub-human is bad. They think it's perfectly acceptable - GOOD even - to deny an entire class of people their birth certificates, their medical records, their identities and their ancestry.
Some people just don't have two brain cells to rub together.
2007-09-20 06:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by Lillie 5 · 13⤊ 4⤋
Sad - isn't it.
A question for all those not-adopted -
How often are you told to be grateful for not being aborted???
Sadly - it's not just what is explicitly SAID either - actions can speak a lot louder than words IRL.
2007-09-20 13:08:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋