When my husband and i were still dating, i made the mistake of cheating. Well i got pregnant! I had my beautiful daughter and he still continued to communicate with me. He's said he's accepted her and we got married. Here's the problem. Anytime i try and communicate with my daughter's father about our child my husband becomes livid. He accuses me of sleeping with her father and trust me that ain't happening. Will he ever get over the fact that i have to communicate with this man because of my child. To make things even worse my husband has a 6 year old already and i have no issues with his ex. I actually wish they could have a cordial relationship so that things could be less complicated. Am i wrong or is he over reacting? Some one please help me
2007-09-20 05:06:56 · 46 answers · asked by Beauty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How long have you been married? How old were you when you had your child? How old is the child now? How often do you communicate with the child's father? More than once a week would be way too much.
Sounds like your husband feels threatened and is acting out his insecurity and his immaturity. Maybe you make him feel this way by the way you act when the sperm donor is calling.
As a suggestion, make arrangements to have him call you only at times when you know your husband is not going to be around, and then if your husband asks you about the guy, you can say something like, "Well, yeah, we talked," but don't volunteer anything. Keep it generic and don't give details.
As another suggestion, to understand more the way this man you've married thinks and does the things he does and how to handle him better, it would be wise and prudent to retain and read the book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." It's been around for a very long time now, and I really wish I had had it for my first marriage. It would have saved me so much grief.
Whatever you do, don't fight about this issue in front of your child. It sounds like he still has some unresolved issues involving his ex that he needs to get over in order to have a healthy relationship with you. Maybe one day, your husband will grow up and be cordial with his ex when dealing with his own child. I am with my ex, and so because of that, he's more willing to do things for me to help me out when a situation arises than if he was angry with me all the time.
Last thought: Whatever you do, DO NOT GET PREGNANT with this man until you both deal with these issues. These are not something you are overreacting about. It's real because you feel it, but do not become a drama queen, either, or you'll really mess it up for all three of you.
Good luck to you.
2007-09-20 05:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well.. I think it is normal he feels this way.. the father of your daughter is the man that you cheated on him with... I think you should comfort him and make him feel secure.. he feels rage... The 6 year old, did he have it while he was cheating on you? I hope not.. and if it was the case, wouldn't you like really dislike the mother? I guess the best thing is to comfort him.. be there for him, reassure him.. and let him be there when you talk to this other guy.. However, please tell your husband that when he decided to forgive you, this means leaving the past behind.. He shouldn't accuse you of those things, he shouldn't even bring it up.. he forgave you so he should move on and trust you.. Good luck, this is a very complicated situation but i have the feeling that you married a great guy and that he will do anything to make things work out...
2007-09-20 05:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by Tesorito 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how your husband feels. Things like that are really hard for some men to forget. I know a guy who married a promiscuous woman. Although that is no longer the case, and she is faithful to him, he still has some struggles. This guy loves his wife, and the two of them have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. But he admits that while in the act, sometimes even at the height of his pleasure, thoughts of her being with someone else pop into his head. He wonders at that moment if the other guys got as much enjoyment from his wife as he does. In this guy's case, his wife has absolutely no contact with any of her ex's. I can only imagine how he'd feel if she did. So in answer to your question, I'd say no, you are not wrong... and yes, he is over-reacting. Try as you might you cannot change the past. You can only deal with it and move on.
2007-09-20 05:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by mt75689 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im assuming that your husband didnt have his 6 year old while you two were married or dating.
I would have hard feelings about all this too. I dont think alot of people get over their partner cheating on them.
It sounds like he loves you very very much. The fact that he wanted to marry you after you cheated on him tells me that you are very special to him no matter what. But, the cheating left a scar on him that he will probably never get rid of. IT hurt him bad that you cheated on him, and it was probably a huge shock to learn that you got pregnant from it. He is a great guy for staying with you and taking care of your child.
You may need to do some marriage counselling to get over this one. You have to make him know that you wont cheat on him again and you dont have any feelings with the real father of your child. Maybe if your husband met the guy like one of the other answerers said.
2007-09-20 05:17:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mike G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may never get over it. It is a matter of trust because you cheated on him with this guy once. He obvious believes that he can't trust you around him. Accepting your daughter has nothing to do with the situation. You should limit your conversations with your child's father to only what is necessary. You may also want to include your husband in each and every conversation that you have with the father until he trusts you.
2007-09-20 05:17:42 · answer #5 · answered by Truth is elusive 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he is. It was his choice to be with you. He's the one who vowed to respect and cherish you above everyone else. By assuming that you're cheating,he's not holding his part of the deal. It is apparent that he never had closure. By manipulating the situation in the manner he's doing,I can only assume that he's looking for a way out of the marriage without being the "bad guy". When my girlfriend and I started talking she had other men pursuing her. I could care less about what went on before me as long as she never got hurt(that's another topic). To this day,I can never thank God(if there is such a thing)for such a wonderful woman. The past is gone. Now and always respect one another and forgive each other. Good luck.
2007-09-20 05:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being naive. Women always tend to compare themselves to men. Ask yourself will you get over it if it's otherwise? No way to amend once cracked. Instead, you should count yourself blessed he had accepted you even after learning the fact of being cheated. Though you are accepted and forgiven doesn't mean you can take for granted assuming that he can.
The reason why he is sceptical whenever you talk to your daughter's father has already proved that he is still in the 'shadow of the past hurt', eventhough there seem nothing wrong to you. But, in the form of respect and consideration for him is to be openned. Ask him for opnion in regards of your daugther's affairs. Make him feel involved and allowed him to make the calls.
2007-09-20 05:31:58 · answer #7 · answered by boonji86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shouldnt get angry if he chose to forgive you..... I think he feels that since he is caring for the child, he should be the only father........Why dont you let them deal with each other. Talk to your husband and let him know that you love him and only him, you made a horrific mistake but the two of you need to continue your lives - together... Whenever you need to get a hold of your daughters father, have your husband call him regarding visitation/illness' etc. etc. If you really dont have anything going with your ex - this shouldnt be a problem - and your husband will regain your trust.
2007-09-20 05:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by jessie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not over reacting .. think of what u will do if he had a child out of cheating on you .. his ex is a different situation .. can't compare u being ok with that to him not being ok with this guy u cheated on him
right now u can have a heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him how much he means to you and that people make mistakes and you won't let that happen again .. getting him to meet with the other guy seems like a bad idea .. you should talk to your husband first ..
by the way .// if your husband is a scorpio .. beware .. they never forgive nor forget
2007-09-20 05:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by lilli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your issues are not really about you talking to this man but rather that you two have trust issues. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. I think you have to open the discussion and ask him what it will take for him to feel comfortable again? Why did you two agree to get married if the trust was not there? (questions for him) Open the dialog in a genuine fashion indicating you care about his response not as a way to start a fight. Once he realizes you are really sincere and want to move past it he may open up. just my two cents.
2007-09-20 05:16:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋