defiant 4 year old?

Question

my son is four and has since starting school has turned into an absolute beast. he wont listen to anyone. he screams and yells when he cant do something. he is demanding stuff and expects us to jump we he demands milk or water. i dont know what to do time outs down work taking things away hasnt worked either, we have also tried spanking and it didnt work. he doesnt get sugar or caffeine anymore. so why is he doing this. his school teacher is ready to kick him out but cant because its public school. how do i redirect this behavior and dont say ignore it hes an in for face kind of kid

please desperate mom here i am almost at my wits end with him

he has an appointment to day for shots we will be discussing this with the doctor. this is also new since he started school i said that to begin with

to love. hes four hes too young to be tested please learn to read before handing out advice they dont test or add or adhd until at least age 6

just got back from the doctor, she has referred him a specialist solely to shut the teacher up. the doctor believes this is normal only child never been in a classroom behavior. thanks for thew answers i will pick a best as soon as it lets me

Answer 1

Sounds like normal behavior for a 4 year old just starting school. We went through something similar with ours once he started school. SLEEP IS KEY. See to it he's in bed by 7:30 pm. Also - After school, have him lay down for a nap for at least half a hour. The problem is he is wiped out and needing extra sleep.

Also when it comes to discipline, make a rules list, every time he breaks a rule assign a consequence for each offense. Be swift and strict about it. If you put him in time out, and he walks out, tell him he now gets a spanking, and his time out starts over. Soon he will learn mama means business.

Just remember it's a stage, and he'll grow out of it, so hang in there. The best thing you can do is be consistent.

Answer 2

Believe it or not, we are in the same boat!! My son started young 5's (will turn 5 in November) and has been HORRIBLE at his school. Disrespectful, bossy, not listening, horrible child! He is like Jeckell & Hyde from his behavior at home and at school.

Just like you we have tried time outs (don't work), taking away toys (don't work), taking away computer/tv time (doesn't work) and finally spanking, which made his behavior worse!

We took him to his Pediatrician and we discussed lots of possibilities. The main thing we realized is that his tonsils are HUGE and they are going to come out. He said a lot of his behavior issues could be that he was not getting any quality of sleep because the airway is obstructed. He said that having his tonsils removed can make a BIG difference in his behavior.

However, we also have him scheduled to see a Pediatric Psychologist just to see if there are other underlying issues with his impulsive, defiant behavior. He is going to do a partial ADD/ADHD testing. But like you said, it can't be fully diagnosed until they are about 6 years old. My Husband and I are firmly against medication so we are going to see how we can change our dicipline with him to be more effective.

Your NOT alone! Talk to his Pediatrician, maybe see an ENT to check the tonsils.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Tantrums are normal, but it is possible that there is a health concern. Talk to your doc.

All kids try tantrums/rudeness to get what they want. If they discover that it works they keep it up. Or, if they want attention, even negative attention can be enough!
I suggest ignoring his bad behaviour. Flat out ignoring it. If he kicks and screams in the mall, don't try and calm him down. Yes, it's embarrassing but all us moms have been through it. Go find a place to sit down and wait for him to finish. When he is done, he will join you. Say: "I like this behaviour much better! Good for you!" and let that be the end of it. Same thing at home. Keep doing what you are doing, and then when he is calm pay attention to him. Finally, PRAISE ANY GOOD BEHAVIOUR TO THE MAX!
If he chases you and yells etc, say: "I don't want to talk to you when you are behaving like this" and keep ignoring him. I know you don't want to do this, but be honest! it's the only thing you haven't tried. I am sure it is what the situation calls for!

I'll bet that this will work at home. Once he is in the habit of not freaking to get what he wants at home, it will pass over to school as well. The teacher can handle it until then. I am a teacher, and trust me I have had to deal with many tantrums.

Last thing: try taking him off milk for a week or two and see if that helps. Quite often kids with milk allergies freak out and throw fits and yell and scream about everything because they are constantly in pain. Imagine if your intestine was contracting over and over again. You'd be grumpy too. This was the case with my youngest. He was a monster sometimes. But when we took him off milk, his tummy didn't hurt so he wasn't upset all the time. Kids can devellop an allergry to milk at about his age... just a possibility.

Answer 4

Try a new form of time out. Make sure your not putting him in a fun room with a lot of toys to play with. Put him in a chair in the corner. Be persistent and DO NOT show your anger. If he sees that he is getting to you than he is getting his way. Put him in the corner and make sure he stays, even if you have to put him back there several times. Be firm and be consistent. It will take time but you will get through to him. Maybe there is something else you could punish him with? No TV, no play time, early to bed, be creative...you know your son better than anyone. But also keep in mind that if he is doing this because he started school, there is a reason behind it. He just doesn't know how to verbalize what is going on with him. Ask your teacher if you can sit in on a class or play period and see if maybe there is a bully? Try giving him something special to do, something that helps him feel closer to you and useful. A lot of children feel pushed away when they start school. Its hard to adjust not seeing there beloved mommy all day.

Answer 5

Get specifics from the instructor locate out precisely what is going on. Ask the instructor what she does while your daughter is defiant...and grant her concepts on the type you cope with the circumstances at domicile. you in addition to mght might desire to take a seat with your daughter and consult along with her with regard to the particular circumstances that the instructor is stating. permit her be attentive to what she desires to do in those circumstances. additionally locate out if some thing is bothering her at school. locate out what she likes and what she does not like. It surprises me that a instructor might ***** some new baby that they've not particularly had the prospect to spend time with. It does not look as though she is giving your baby a great gamble. If the faculty gives you digital camera surveillance for persons then take a glance for an afternoon, or see in case you are able to come and connect classification for a an hour in the time of the day to work out what is going on. for sure it particularly isn't any longer particularly precisely a similar, yet you may have a great gamble to work out how the instructor behaves in the direction of the babies. don't get me incorrect, i'm no longer attempting to blame the instructor...notwithstanding it particularly is that she and your daughter do exactly no longer "click" sturdy success!

Answer 6

has he been tested for ADHD. That could be the problem but I would go see his ped. Just remember if he does have ADHD he doesn't HAVE to get medications you can control his behavior with food, and avoid the bad behavior by avoiding trigger foods. This is what I do with my 5 yr old who was suspended for 3 days due to his behavior in kinder garden. Since then I have been working with his ped. and he is like having a new child it has been great. And it is all about what types of food he eats. The best of luck to you, hang in there, there is hope and a light at the end of this tunnel.

Answer 7

Sounds like he is having trouble adjusting to the new schedule. He prob feels like he has no control and little attention and this is his way of trying to get some back. Try staying in school for a day with him. Give him your total attention for that day, but don't do thingsd for him...have him show you things, have him do everything, but with your full attention. Do this at home to. He will see that there are other ways to act and get attention and he will also be more comfortable with the new school schedule if he feels he's not alone in it....

Answer 8

I would talk to your pediatrician and maybe take him to a counselor, that way you can effectivley start to curb this behavior. give him water if his cup is empty, but dont give in to demands. If he demands you get him something act like you didnt hear it until he asks for it. The first time explain to him that you are not getting anything until you learn how to ask nicely. Then follow through.

Answer 9

you know what, we adopted a little girl when she was 4, and she was sorta like that, yelled and threw fits, wouldn't ask for milk or water but demanded it, so I started it out this way, I ONLY gave her water, EVER, no juice no milk no treats of any kind, if she didn't drink her water she went without, eventually she wanted to know why i wouldn't give her milk or other things she enjoyed, i explained that until she could ask me politely, and treat me kindly as i would treat her, i would only give her the basics, bread, water, meat, things to live off of.
she eventually shaped up, she still slips up once in a while, gets demanding, but i just look at her and start pooring a glass of water or getting her buttered bread and she is pretty quick to change her tune LOL :)
hope this helped

Answer 10

1. dont give up.
2. dont let him see you crumbling. remain calm and firm

Take some cues from Super Nanny (ABC tv program). She gives out very good advice. She has helped lots of women deal with out of control kids.

There are a few possibilities for his behavior.
1. Withdrawal from caffeine/sugar
2. Establishing boundaries of control (pushing you to see where your limits are)
3. Growing pangs/symptoms of undescribable discomfort inside.