What is the appropriate thing to do in this very DIFFICULT situation????

4 ⤊

What is the appropriate thing to do in this very DIFFICULT situation????

i am going to try to make a long story short...my mother passed away a year ago, I have 2 half brothers (we all have different fathers, no comments on that please) well, my mother was married to my stepfather for the last 18yrs and he is the father of my youngest brother. He supported us and put me through college and basically acted like a father, we are lucky to have him. Although he was very tough and dominate, he tried to force us into careers he thought we should go in, if we didn't do exactly what he wanted he would say things and act in a manner that made you feel like there was something wrong with you, even the music we listened to was criticzed so much that he would say i don't know how someone who listens to rap can go to church, as if to say if u listen to rap music u cannot possibly believe in god and be a good person, this is his mentality about everything. Anyways, that is why i moved a few hundred miles away and he and my mom forced my middle brother into the ...

2007-09-20 04:25:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family

marines 4yrs ago when the war just started(he was18)he just got out of the marines,no mother at home,&my stepdad is giving him a hard time, putting everything down that he says. anyways this is the issue,my stepdad has a girlfriend,started seeing her 10mos. after my mom died,he goes away for wknds w/her and has my youngest brother(15)stay w/a friend and their parents,he assumes we are going to meet her,i don't want to,i don't feel comfortable(i don't care he has a gf i just don't want 2 know about it.he is my stepfather,she was my MOM,my blood, am I wrong? I will never get over what happenedto my mom,we were close and for a while we were all each other had. as i said i live in PA, he lives in CT,when i go home to visit it will be an issue,holidays come around it will be an issue. my mother died b4 she ever got to see my house(my bf and i bought our 1st house last year) i don't want his gf to see my house when my own mother never got to, am I being ridiculous? please give me some advice

2007-09-20 04:39:04 · update #1

2007-09-20 04:39:27 · update #2

2007-09-20 04:39:36 · update #3

2007-09-20 04:39:57 · update #4

2007-09-20 04:39:59 · update #5

2007-09-20 04:40:18 · update #6

2007-09-20 04:40:56 · update #7

8 answers

Everyone grieves at a different speed and deals with their grief in different ways. We are social creatures and its only natural for your dad to want a mate. It doesn't mean that your dads love for your mom would be any less, but since we can't change things we have to cope the best way we can. I understand that you have no interest in the new woman in his life but i think that he is at a different stage of his grief than you are and you should respect that for each other. If you tell him that you just aren't ready to meet her, but you understand that he does want to be with her, maybe he won't push the issue till you are ready. but at the same time you have to respect the fact that he does care for her and he can care for someone, but it doesn't change the way that he was with your mom. Good luck honey, hope this helps. :)

2007-09-20 05:08:04 · answer #1 · answered by BNic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋

First, sorry for the lost of your mother. I know that you a very hurt that your step dad is seeing another woman. Obviously, he has moved on with his life. Are you hurt by him a seeing another woman so soon? Now, I don't think that your mother would like for you to be bitter towards the new lady. Your mom has passed and life has to still go on. I'm sure you have a right to feel the way you are feeling. Your step dad wants the best for you all. He just might be too protective in some of the things you mention. He has done the deed by raising you all as his own. A lot of men would not of done that. Give yourself some time to reflect.

2007-09-27 09:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋

What is the rest of the story? And what is the question? You can add to it in the "add details" box. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. It's not an easy thing to deal with. Take care...

2007-09-20 04:35:12 · answer #3 · answered by Enchantress38 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋

Your dad was an old school guy, and that is very hard to change. He will never change but if you are a compassionate person try to understand him and his actions. As far as the girl friend seeing your house that is up to you, but try to be a bigger person than your dad. He won't be around forever.

2007-09-28 01:26:55 · answer #4 · answered by Hirise bill 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋

Anyone old enough to buy a house is old enough to accept that you don't have to be fertile to still have needs. Your step father stood by you in hard times and you should step up and accept this woman if she makes him happy. Your Mom has nothing to do with it. Your younger brother should have figured out how to stand up for himself in the Marines. Try to be objective here, you are a grown up and so is he. How would you feel if he couldn't accept your boyfriend and didn't let him come to his house?

2007-09-27 12:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by Jody H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋

Relax... Your step-dad needs someone to help managing you guys, right? I believe he still loves you mom, coz he still care 'bout you guys. Be strong! Oh, about your house, just show it to your step-dad's gf, its cool.

2007-09-27 16:01:48 · answer #6 · answered by Rai 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋

I know how difficult it can be to have to see another woman get the benefits tht you feel were due to your mother. My dad started dating other women 3 months after my mother died. This other woman got my father, my mothers home and was even using my mothers personal belongings when I went home the first time. It made me angry for a few years. I finally had to come to the realization that it doesn't do any good to consume yourself with anger. He shouldn't be expected to live his life alone. He didn't choose for your mother to die. It wasn't in his hands any more than it was yours, and lets face it, men aren't made to live alone. For the sake of little brother make the best out of what is left. Your mom is gone and she picked a man who she wanted to spend the remainder of her life with. Your contact with both of them will be very limited so put on your happy face and try your best to accept what you can't control and be happy that he has found someone new, and you can still be part of your little brothers life.

2007-09-27 16:02:11 · answer #7 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋

so tell your step dad that your not reaty to meet his girlfriend say it in anice way ok

2007-09-27 12:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋

It's obvious that you loved your mother very much and that you miss her dearly. Your stepfather's girlfriend can never take her place and dear one, I'm sure she doesn't want to. She may want to be your friend though. the girlfriend may be good for your stepfather. She just may 'tone' him down. Remember, your stepfather isn't just dealing with you 'kids'..., he's dealing with life - his life. He loved your mother. Her dying left a hole in his heart. The new girlfriend will not heal that hole, but she can create a place for her in his heart. After all, we can love many people, can't we. We love everybody differently. When your step-father builds a new life, he won't be in yours as much. This should be helpful. People with strong opinions are difficult to be around. But you are not a child anymore or your sibblings. Don't fight with your step-father, just figure out what 'turns him on' and don't do it. As far as your own home, you can do as you wish. If your mother was as lovely a person as you seem to suggest, she would not want you to shut your home off to anyone. She would want your step-father to live a happy life and her children also. The way I see it, you have a choice here. You can keep the tension going by closing down and stirring the pot, or you can get on with your life and make it happy like you say you want. I suggest that you be the grown up young lady that your mother wants you to be. Cultivate a relationship with your step-fathers girlfriend. She may be nice. If she isn't, then it won't be a close relationship - that's ok. But give it a try. You live far enough away that your paths won't cross that much. Your brother should get an apartment and get out on his own. Good luck.

2007-09-24 06:26:55 · answer #9 · answered by Mercedes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋