Grandparents refuse to keep her safe?

Question

Hi

My partners mum and dad are in their 60's, they had him old, he is 27. My 2.5yr old daughter is looked after by them on a Monday whilst I work.

Its started off with them refusing to use the car seat we provided and kept bringing her home/taking her shopping in just the carrycot part of her pram balanced on the back seat in his dads car.

Then its progressed since shes older with them eventually getting a booster seat for ages 4-11yr olds and insisting she is ok to go in it as she is nearly 3!

They have the seatbelt across her lap but not over her shoulder, Ive commented on this many times, its been fight after fight with my partner to get them to use our carseat as he wont say anything, often saying its ok for her!

Im at my wits end. She has to go next Monday yet Im at odds if to say something again. Ive tried just leaving the carseat with them but they dont use it.

I need her help with childcare and she's a lovely grandparent otherwise so I dont want to offend!

Hi

Thanks, I let her stay with them as her grandfather used to work ful time so she went everywhere with her nana by bus, its only recently hes had to leave work so he gives them lifts.

Ive mentioned it so many times now, I feel like a nagging wife and mother, they dont seem to understand the severity of the situation.

I actually live in the uk myself, I had thought even about reporting them anonomously hoping they would understand once the police had a word.

Am I horrible for thinking this?

My partners no help, as my daughter weighs 15kg and the carseat states for kids over 15kg he said its safe, and it goes by the weight not the age etc.

Who is right?

Also the car - her grandads is a licenced taxi, so he thinks its ok as he wont get in trouble? Is this right?

If a restraint is not available in a licensed taxi/private hire vehicle, the child may travel unrestrained.

Hi they are using one which states on the box...
Car seat suitable from 15kg/33lbs to 36kg/79lbs (from approx. 4-11yrs)

She weighs the right weight but not 3 yet??? CONFUSED!!

They wont keep the car seat in perm as they have 3 other grandchildren who use boosters, so no room, this is why Ithink they use a booster with her as its easier for all 4 to use the same one when they have them seperatly staying.

Other kids are 4 and 5 and 7

Answer 1

Hi I really do sympathise with you this was actually happening to me until recently I work and my grandparents look after my daughter two days a week. My Nan used to leave her heart medication on a shelf which is in reach of my 4 year old daughter who when I was most concerned was aged 3. I asked my Nan to put the medicines in a cupboard or high up somewhere but everytime I came to pick her up I would find the medication in her reach. I then started to drop hints and then sytarted to ask them directly which to my frustration made no difference. I used to cry about it privately through frustration and worry that my daughter would one day take them. Eventually with a lot of persistence..I mean months she put them out of her reach. They would also feed her 6 sausages for her breakfast which made her vomit at the night time. It became unbearable and I had to say someting. It eventually developed into a massive argument and my grandad accused me of accusing them of trying to poison her. They both love her very much but have little sense into danger and didn't seem to care about the worry they caused me. I had to lay the law down because I am responsible for her safety. I have decreaed the amount of time they have her now to 2 hrs per week which has been difficult but necessary. I would try reasoning and telling them about how you feel but if they are unwilling to see sense then I think you would need to look into alternatives. I hope this long...long story has been useful. keep battling on your childs safety is worth it !!!!Good luck !!!

Answer 2

Can you install an appropriate carseat in their car for them and have them leave it there all the time (buy a second one if you would otherwise need to keep trading off with them; it's worth it)? It may be that they just can't figure out how to do it; it is fairly complicated with the toddler seats. Or, since they're older, they may have arthritis or something that makes it hard to install/ uninstall. If it's already installed in their car, they ought to have no problem using it. I'm sure their thinking is that their kids never used carseats and came out fine (they probably weren't in any crashes either. Might have come out differently if they were). But the statistics are very clear that kids are *much* safer in the event of a crash if they have carseats. Do a web search and show them statistics, nd make sure they know the law.

If they really refuse to put her in appropriate carseat, you need to either find someone else to care for your daughter or at least find someone else to bring her home, and you need to absolutely insist they not drive her anywhere. Tell them you and your daughter loves them but you just aren't willing to take that kind of risk.


EDIT -- if she's the right weight and tall enough so that the shoulder belt (which is critical btw; otherwise you may as well not be in a carseat at all; a lap belt will not be sufficient protection) doesn't go across her neck, then it is fine for her. The age range is just a guideline for people who don't know weights, which are more important. If the shoulder belt hits her neck, then the seat is (obviously) inappropriate for her.

Answer 3

Carseats do go by WEIGHT. Yes this is true. As for his taxi; no clue on that one. However I do have an idea. Take the car seat that you have for your daugther to sit and physically put it in their car. Ta da! OR if they are correct on the booster seat then leave it alone. It goes by weight. Booster seats normally start at 40lbs here in florida and I'm sure that's normal everywhere. You can always call your local highway dept. to check the specifications for your state. DO NOT call the police on these people. Not cool. You really don't want to do that; you're just frustrated with good reason. Do yourself a favor and call the highway dept. and ask them for the specifications according to her weight and age. THEN you can let your inlaws know what you found out. I hope you resolve this because it seems like it's causing a wedge in your relationship.

Answer 4

Just explain to them that it's dangerous not to use the car seat. They may be good drivers, but it only takes one idiot to cause an accident. If they love their granddaughter I'm sure they will want to do their best for her. Show them how to use it and tell a little white lie about how you saw something on the TV about small children being injured by not being restrained correctly. Having a seatbelt across the lap, but not the shoulder is dangerous. Perhaps they just don't appreciate the severity of what can happen, even in a low speed crash. Have experienced similar thing before.

Answer 5

Do you happen to know a police officer? If so and you know they are at such and such a place, like the grocery store or the mall or something, have the officer pull them over when they leave and give them a ticket. I bet they will be willing to use the proper seat then! If you don't have a friend that is an officer or know anyone who has a friend that is an officer then maybe if you buy them their own carseat to keep in there car all the time they will use it since it's already there. That is what I had to do for my childs own father (we are not together anymore) but he was still always just putting her in a seatbelt! Maybe that will work better than just leaving it at the house, you know if its strapped in the car already they may just go ahead and use it. Also tell you daughter to start asking them for her seat (I had to train my daughter to do that too) I know it's sad to have to tell you child to tell an adult to do something to protect them but you have to use whatever options you have to keep you kids safe. Tell her to start asking them for her seat and if they say no to tell them stuff like "well don't you want me to be safe grandma/gramdpa?" "Don't you love me and want to protect me?" Hope that helps!!!

Answer 6

Go to the local police office and ask if they have any literature on car accidents concerning young children that have not been properly restrained in the car then send it to them.This would really scare the wits out of me also someone driving around with my kid and they are not properly protected it doesn't matter how good a driver your father in law is it the car that hits him that will do the damage. Get them sorted out.

Answer 7

You must MAKE your husband says something to them. It is not ok for her to use anything other than a child car seat everytime she goes in the car. He must make it clear to them that if they are not willing to keep her as safe as possible then they will no longer be able to take her out in the car as she is NOT protected properly in anything other than a child car seat. They are risking her life every time they take her out in the car and so you must make it clear to them that they either use one or do not take her anymore.
Your daughters life is far more important than causing offence to the fact that they refuse point blank to use an appropriate car seat!

If they still refuse to use one then do not let them look after her anymore. Simple.

Answer 8

I'm in my 30's i didn't have a car seat or even use a seat belt, they were before my time, and im still here.lol

My point is my parents made up there mind that i didn't need one and didn't worry about.

You are her mother and what you feel is rite its your choice, so if you feel that she should be in a car seat than tell them that is the way it is.

If you want to avoid the situation of being caught up in the middle of this, than go to your community police tell them the situation and that your worried and what time your grandparents usually have her in the car, they can pull them over and explain to them the rules of the car seat and that next time they will get a ticket....

I might not have been in one but my kids will be for sure.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I would tell her you really aren't comfortable with your little girl being safe unless she is in a car seat. Isn't it the law for them to be in one where you are at and if it is, isn't that reason enough? It's you're daughter, I don't think it's rude in any way to be firm about car safety in regards to her being in a car seat. If the grandma is as lovely as you say, I can't imagine she would take offense to you wanting and needing to feel good about your daughter's safety. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 10

If your partner won't confront them, then you will have to. Better to 'offend' than have your child killed.

I had to burry one of my own children as a result of an accident. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.

Edit - Here in the USA there is a big push to keep kids in booster chairs until they are older. The current recommendations is any child 4'10" or less should still be using them.