My fiance took me to the Grand Canyon and took a ring out and put it on my finger, but he never asked me to marry him. He then called all his family and said we were getting married and started introducing me as his fiance. We are not planning a wedding because his mother lives in Guam and she can't come out for a year. It really bothers me that he never even said "will you marry me?" I have brought this up many times, and he always says that it's completely stupid that I care about that because we are already engaged. I really don't feel like we are engaged, because he didn't ask me. Is this stupid?
2007-09-20 02:58:31 · 32 answers · asked by love 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm going to make a couple assumptions. The first is that your fiance is not a presumptous jerk (as some people have suggested) and that this was an oversight. The second assumption is that you DO want to be engaged to him.
He's defensive when you bring it up, because he bought a ring, planned a romantic proposal (so he thought) and you are basically telling him he screwed it up! I don't blame you, but I also understand why he would react the way he is.
You, on the other hand, have waited your whole life to hear the words, "Will you marry me?" and feel dissapointed.
Rather than bring up the fact that he didn't ask you at the time, tell him that you would like him to ask you now. Or, ask him yourself.
2007-09-20 09:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by eli_star 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree it's a bit disappointing that he didn't say the "magic words," but if you're wearing the engagement ring and you plan to marry him, you're engaged with or without those words.
My sister's husband proposed by handing her a box with the ring in it. When she opened it, she looked up at him, and he said "what? Do you want me to get down on one knee?" They've been happily married for nine years, despite him never actually "asking."
If you and your fiance had already discussed marriage and both wanted to marry one another, he may have assumed that since the "question" of whether or not you'd get married had already been decided, the ring just made it official.
My biggest concern about this situation is that, even though you've told him how you felt, he can't concede and just say "will you marry me?" one time, just so you can hear it. Assuming you're not asking him to recreate the entire proposal, but with the question thrown in, it seems very stubborn and unyielding of him to refuse to say four words just to make you happy. Keep in mind that people don't change after marriage, and that a man who refuses to say "will you marry me?" even though he knows how much you want to hear those words, is probably the same kind of guy who doesn't feel the need to say "I love you" or "you're beautiful" after marriage, because you should "already know."
2007-09-20 03:20:30 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not stupid.
When my fiance asked me he took me to a romantic place and in the middle of my sentence he said "well would still think that if I asked you to marry me?". It was cute because he completely surprised me (had the ring in his hand the whole time too lol) - however - I turned red and didn't say much for a minute...waiting...
Then I tried to hint at it..."so what are you saying?" and he got it after a minute or two and said "Will you marry me"...
Anyways, I didn't want to say "yes" until he actually asked me!
It's not stupid...
You could try calmly telling him how he may not understand - but you are a girl - and there are things women feel are important that he will never quite understand...so it would mean a lot to you if he would ask, not for him, but for you.
Make sure to tell him you know it may sound crazy that you care about the acutal question...but it really means a lot to you.
If you are getting married he better get used to those things women expect that men don't understand! :)
Congrats and good luck!
2007-09-20 03:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Meg M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's not stupid at all. I'd be pretty upset too. Asking "Will you marry me?" is the best part of the proposal! Not to mention it's one of the things that makes it official! Perhaps he simply didn't know he was supposed to ask if he went ahead and put the ring on your finger. (You'd be surprised at how clueless guys are when it comes to weddings and being romantic).
This reminded me a lot of when a friend of mine got "engaged". For one, when her boyfriend went off to join the Air Force, his mother took my friend wedding dress shopping behind his back. When he got back from basic training, half of their wedding had been planned! And he hadn't even proposed! She even had a ring picked out for him to propose to her with! I couldn't believe what she was doing. Well, the night he finally accepted that he was being forced into this whole thing, he simply slipped the ring on my friend's finger while they were watching TV and she was on the phone with his brother. It was kind of hard to decipher what she was saying the next day at work when she was telling me about it because she was so excited, so when I asked if he'd actually said "Will you marry me?" she said "No, but he didn't have to! He gave me the ring!". I asked if he'd smiled or even smirked and she said "No, but that doesn't matter! I'm engaged!". I really felt sorry for both of them. Her for being so ditzy and him for being forced into it. They're married now, and he seems pretty content. It was just kind of strange the way they got there. She was THE hot topic where we worked, and not in a good way.
At least you see the problem in not actually being asked!
2007-09-20 03:16:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
While it is true that every girl wants to hear those 4 little words. I'm more concerned with his forwardness in assuming that the 2 of you are engaged. I also wonder if he treats you with respect. I don't know if it is a culture thing since you mentioned his mother lives in another country, but if I were you I would think very hard about walking down the aisle with him. Love is not everything in a marriage and when one has questions like yours it could be indicative of something more. In any case, I hope all works out for you. Good luck and congratulations if you go through with it.
2007-09-20 03:17:51 · answer #5 · answered by emeraldempress2003 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did he say anything when he gave you the ring?
My fiance did not straight out say the words "will you marry me?". We were talking and he slipped the ring on my finger, tying it into our conversation. How he did it caught me off guard and was very romantic.
He took you out to the Grand Canyon to give you the ring. He probably thought he was being romantic and didn't think those words were needed.
2007-09-20 03:31:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not stupid at all! I made my fiancee ask me twice because the firs time he just blurted it out at the end of a fight. I told him that in my view we were not engaged until he ASKED in a romantic way with a ring. Your man can't just put the ring on an assume you will say yes. What if you wanted to say no?? Give the ring back and refuse to wear it until he officially asks you.
2007-09-20 04:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by Stained Glass- Baby C 11/15/09!! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it's not silly at all. He basically put a nice diamond ring on your finger and that was it. Explain to him that you cannot plan a wedding and feel right about the engagement until he asks you. Stupid or not, it's how you feel.
2007-09-20 03:09:07 · answer #8 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So he just put it on your finger, and you never agreed to wear it or marry him? Did you say, I never said I would marry you...you never even asked me. And by wearing the ring, you are tacitly agreeing to marry him, as you know what that ring means, and you're wearing it. Stop wearing the ring. If it bothers you so very much, give him the ring back, and say you'll only wear an engagement ring once he's asked and you've accepted.
2007-09-20 03:07:38 · answer #9 · answered by melouofs 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you! My fiance did something similar - while it was cute bc he was so nervous, he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and then said, 'I got you a ring' and held it up. I just looked at him. And he said, 'Are you going to answer me?' and I said, 'You didn't ask a question!' So then he asked. And while it didn't have to be anything elaborate, I have to admit that I feel like a horrible person because I wish he would have been patient enough to put more thought/creativity into it!
I'm not really sure how to deal with it at this point, though... good luck!
2007-09-20 09:22:07 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋