I am a Christian been married to an abusive non-Christian man for 4 years,its literally been hell on earth,I am suffering all kinds of problems due to stress and depression.My health has also not been well.I have spent 4 years crying,and asking God for guidance/help.
Now at last he has finnally agreed to seperate/divorce if thats what I want.
I read in the bible that if your unbelieving spouse doesnt want to live anymore you are free.
would this include if he agrees to divorce? What if he doesnt care whether you stay or go and puts the decision on you?
2007-09-20 01:12:20 · 39 answers · asked by IMWOMAN 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You can absolutely get out of that marriage.........
He is abusive........divorce him and be free.
And the Lord loves you and forgives you........please do not hesitate to dissolve this marriage.
God does not want you to stay in that situation.
2007-09-20 01:15:03 · answer #1 · answered by primoa1970 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Most of these books can be found at the local library--these are books that God led me to after he showed me the working principles in them through my own experiences. I recommend them to everyone I come across--they should be required reading for the christian married person....
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1892112604/bookstorenow79-20
http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Solutions-Gary-Chapman/dp/1881273911
and
http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Separated-Wounded-Marriages-Healed/dp/0802436366
Please read these books before you agree to a divorce--they may make the difference between knowing you did all you could and living with the regrets or saving your marriage.
If we do not do all we know to do--or even know what to do--we will end up regretting the decisions we make. Making a fully informed decision is better than making a decision with only part of the answer given.
It may be that God wants the two of you separated for a while for both of you to work on your issues and a time of healing and even a time of counseling.
In my area any one who is physically abusive has to attend a six month course that throughly addresses the reasons behind the behaviors and also gives real world ideas on how to deal with conflict. I knew a man who thought he could fake his way through it and they made him retake it as well as do a year of private counseling. This was all state ordered because of one phone call to the police.
IF you feel in danger for your life you need to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
This book has ways to assess the danger of your situation and how to handle an abusive or stalking person in your life.
Many women are murdered when they try to leave their physically abusive spouse. I hope you have been in contact with your local women's shelter. They have free classes and even free child care.
Only you know your situation well enough to know what the best thing to do is. I have known some women who stay long enough to scrape enough money together and work out an escape plan where they move to a whole new state. I have known others who went the counseling route and ended up healing a marriage that was so broken everyone thought it was broken beyond repair.
Don't give up hope and do everything by prayer and supplication for the glory of God alone.
I am praying for you.
2007-09-22 12:31:55 · answer #2 · answered by steinbeck11 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should really go and talk to a competent Pastor or Biblical marriage counselor. God hates divorce, but if an unrepentant abusive unbeliever wants out of the marrriage, if you have been faithful to pray for his salvation and to be reconciled to him, if you have followed what Peter taught in 1 Peter 3 and he shows no signs of conversion, then if he is willing to depart, let it be so. You are called to peace.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives-- 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
1 Corinthians 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?
2007-09-20 01:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by Martin S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's a good decision to end the marriage, more for the reason that he abuses you than that he is not a believer. After all, the bible says if the non-believing spouse wishes to stay, the wife/husband should not send her/him away. U made a bad choice marrying a man who has done nothing but hurt you. If he beats, am afraid it makes no sense to remain in the same house with him. No only does it affect your spiritual life because u'd be filled with anger that the man you love treats u in such a way, but more so because it's a danger to your life & health. Whether separation or divorce, lady, leave that marriage
2007-09-20 01:19:45 · answer #4 · answered by Hmmm 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I too am a Christian woman who was abused in my 5 yr marriage. I too have been seriously ill for the past 4 yrs. As most abused I left and went back to him. I believed he was Christian BUT, being with the Lord, the fruits would show and having the Holy Spirit in us I can not believe would cause harm to another human,especially one's spouse. Therefore one must assume I was married to a unbeliever. I refer to 1Cor. 7:15 But if the unbeliver leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances:God has called us to live in peace. 1Cor 7:23 do not become slaves to men. Well, victims are slaves to the abuser because we do everything to please so we won't be abused again. One can say this is taken out of context but the fact is.....God is love and abuse isn't. God calls us to honor one another...He tells us to submit but also for our husbands to love us as their own bodies and to honor us as Christ honored the church. In my case he was arrested and taken away. He became more enraged and so didn't want to come back but to try to torture me other ways. It is dangerous for us to stay married. I prayed the Praying Wife for years, but my spouse needed to be open to the word and be working in true spirit.
There are several scriptures you can find in the bible on honoring each other. Abuse isn't honoring.Divorce is not what God wants, he hates it but as in 1Cor 7:15 God has called us to live in peace. The Lord hates violance.......God is LOVE and that is what He wants for us... I know there are many that believe NO DIVORCE because God does hate it, but those are the people that have no idea what abuse really is. God does and we need to remember, God saved us from that abuse and loves us
2007-09-20 12:10:08 · answer #5 · answered by Angelica1951 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
webboffin is entirely accurate as far as giving you the appropriate verses. You may leave (but not divorce) your husband at any time, judging from the scripture. It says that you *should* not, but then allows for such cases. It seems that if your husband desires to marry another or to get divorced (i.e. "proceeds to depart"), because he is a non-Christian, you are free to divorce him and re-marry as well. If your husband becomes a Christian before divorce, or if he does not wish to be divorced from you, then you should not seek divorce.
About the teaching against divorce unless he is involved in some (not well-defined) sexual sin or illegality, interpreted by most sects to be adultery (but by some sects much more strictly): since your husband is *not* a Christian, you are only *required* to remain married to him if he does not "proceed to leave", and you are *permitted* (considering that "should not") to leave him even (without divorce) if he does *not* want a divorce and has *not* been involved in adultery.
Jim, http://www.life-after-harry-potter.com
2007-09-20 14:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN?
IF YOU CAN STAY UNTIL THE CHILDREN ARE GROWN
IT IS A SAD DAY IN AMERICA THAT YOU CANNOT FIND A PASTOR THAT WILL GIVE YOU COMFORT, SOUND ADVICE, AND HELP IN ANY WAY THE CHURCH SHOULD. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OR NOT. IT MATTERS THAT YOU ARE OF THE BODY OF CHRIST.....YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF SOMEONE THAT WILL HARM YOU.
THE CHURCH IS SUPPOSE TO BE A SANCTUARY FOR YOU. THEY CLAIM TO HAVE ALL POWER BUT DO THEY?
I AM BELIEVING FOR YOU TO BE DELIVERED, GODS WAY FROM THIS SITUATION...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH EVEN FOR GOD.
2007-09-22 12:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by mary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically if you divorce or are divorced by your spouse, you commit adultery.
However that makes no sense considering that god is a loving and forgiving god. There is no reason that you should stay in an abusive relationship, get out of it, leave your spouse and don't consider getting back together even if you think they've changed. In biblical terms "shake the dust off of your sandals", and completely write the relationship off.
2007-09-20 01:21:30 · answer #8 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I see that you have conflicting advice. I would like to suggest that you claim these promises and let God advise you.
" If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it SHALL be given him."
James 1:5
"In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He SHALL direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6
Search the scripture to find what you need. You have been given several Bible texts in your answers. Pray the above promises back to God and you will get the right answer.
I will pray for you and may God bless you.
† On-call Prayer Warrior †
2007-09-22 12:02:43 · answer #9 · answered by bethy4jesus 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Primoa. Although the Biblical passage you refer to speaks of the unbeliever leaving, rather than the believer leaving, it's clear he left your marriage in spirit years ago. Have you both tried marriage counciling? If not, perhaps you could do this after you've been separated. The "ideal" in this situation is to get him to repent of his sins and treat you with the love and respect you deserve, so you can be reconciled; but if he refuses to change, you certainly can't force him.
Even if he refuses counciling, I recommend you seek it from a Christian counciling service; there are many out there. I suspect your husband was abusive before you married him, or showed strong signs that he was. In order to avoid a replay of this situation, you need to understand why you married him.
I know exactly what you're going through, having gone through it myself. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or further advice, please send me a message through Yahoo Answers.
2007-09-20 01:24:12 · answer #10 · answered by Suzanne: YPA 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Divorce is to do with legalities you shouldn't need permission from a book written so long ago. Your God wouldn't want you to suffer with this man, your God loves you and would not want you to be unhappy, he would certainly forgive you of divorcing. Don't stay if you aren't in love, lying and adultery are sins too and what if you find that perfect man you could be happy for the rest of your life with?
2007-09-20 01:19:21 · answer #11 · answered by SmEllY! 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋