my partner and I have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old and are both not working. My partner likes to just do his own thing during the day and leaves me alot with the kids and complains when i ask him to help. I feel very frustrated that A) he does not work and so we are very tight budgeted and B) he refuses to help with the kids even though he doesnt work.
He goes out with his other unemployed mates and sometimes drinks and stuff but i never get to go out!
Am i being unreasonable? Im just feeling so alone with the whole parenthood thing and just feel like a single mother. Sometimes I just wanna leave him but he wont let me, he is very emotionally suffocating and thinks he is the boss.
Really would like some advice here,
thanks
2007-09-19 21:10:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Time to say goodbye. It's not a matter of needing a man to support you financially, or that you are incapable of doing this on your own...but you need someone who IS supportive of you and your children on the emotional level. Someone that wants to have an active role in the raising of your children, and perhaps grow to consider them his own.
Someone that is emotionally suffocating is one thing (some people express love differently than others), but the whole "boss" trip is a whole other. You need to get away from it before your children are old enough to truly absorb how he is treating you and think that it is natural.
Sorry, but you need to get away from him. Do what it takes. I understand that he isn't abusive or anything (at least, not that you've told or not that you've seen thusfar), but it's not a healthy environment for you or the kids, and it's better to raise them alone (even if more frustrating at times) than it would be to raise them with someone that is setting a very poor example of how to be a loving, caring adult.
Best of luck to you - email if I can help at all.
2007-09-19 21:24:00 · answer #1 · answered by unithoRn 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I can't figure out how 4 people are surviving without income but thats for another day. Second you can't leave? Why? You are a single mother he does nothing essentially you do the only work that their is doing right now and that is being a mother which is a full time job. What I would do if I were you is have a good talk with him and let him know how you feel. Tell him to get a job and support his family. If you see no change in 6 months. You start making changes yourself. You can get a job. You can move out. You can put the kids in daycare while you work. You can move on and find a man that will work and love you and your kids. Life goes on. Good luck to all of you.
2007-09-20 04:21:46 · answer #2 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He won't LET you leave? Are you tethered to the wall??? This is 2007 and if you're going to be responsible for 2 kids all day the last thing you need is to also have to beg for help from a partner that seems highly irresponsible. I'd sit him down and explain how you feel one last time... and really lay it out there. Tell him that he's either going to help or he can be on his own, get a job, and start paying child support. If he won't help out and stop running all over town, leave with the kids and do it yourself. At least then you can KNOW that you're in it alone instead of hoping he'll wake up and realize they're his kids, too. I hate watching women go through this. You don't know how freeing it is to be a single mom until you realize that right now you're actually babysitting THREE kids (your 2 plus him) and it's causing you undue stress. Without him weighing you down, you'll be happier in the long run.
2007-09-20 04:23:07 · answer #3 · answered by JustChristi 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
By now you know the answer, you can't expect anything from him, he is a bum. Sister Girl, you should be working on yourself until you think you are the stuff a good man would want to be with. Straighten yourself up, get yourself looking good, think of providing a good life for your kids and get the heck out of there. What were you thinking to have a second kid with a bum?! No more stupid decisions...make some smart ones from now on. You have every opportunity to make a really good life for yourself, just don't screw it up hanging with a bum. If he is not a good daddy then all he did was donate some sperm to you. You are not obligated to stay with someone just because he helped you get pregnant.
He WILL NOT GET BETTER, he is what he is and you knew that long long ago. You can't talk a person into becoming a good parent, he never had it in him. He found a woman who has low expectations and is comfortable with the statis quo so it doesn't matter if everyone thinks you should expect him to do more.... he won't.
2007-09-20 04:31:57 · answer #4 · answered by KAREN L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This type of thing happens in a LOT of households, trust me. I've never understood why some men play such a small roles in their own children's lives, esp. when they have TIME. My lady and split duties with the kids, and cover for each other when one goes out with friends.
How many heart to heart talks have you had with him about this?!
If he really refuses to cooperate, then sadly, he may not be right for you. But I know it's a very difficult situation, and that's it's very hard to leave, esp if you love him. But what I often tell people is that, if you want long term happiness, sometimes you have to suffer in the short term by cutting someone loose.
2007-09-20 04:20:39 · answer #5 · answered by SoulDawg 4 UGA 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you dont have a man in your life, you have a third kid who is a brat. You have a choice, dump his *** or make him take up a job. just wondering what you guys are living off. You are not being unreasonable, taking care of a child, (let alone two) is tiring and you need all the help you can get. plus you always need a time off which is really hard to get. Tell him that he needs to get with the program or get on another channel. Hon you are only providing him a place to sleep and entertainment of the woman kind. tell him to shape up or ship out. take care and good luck.
ps. you are a woman, with what you got you can get one of us anytime. HE NEEDS YOU.
2007-09-20 05:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by Lance P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's under the impression that it is your job to raise the children. he isn't going to just change. But you're not being unreasonable at all. parenting is a 2 person job and he shouldn't just reap the benefits. I'm not sure how to get someone to become more involved so I can't help you there. Good luck though
2007-09-20 04:18:22 · answer #7 · answered by uknowme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course, it is REASONABLE for your partner to take care of kids and yes, the situation sounds like as if you were single mom.
If you are seriously ready to move out, you can move out from there with kids without telling him anything.....Anyway, hope your family would support you till you find a job, in case of moving out sometime soon.
2007-09-20 07:32:38 · answer #8 · answered by Save me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to put your foot down woman!! Who does he think he is? seriously! He isn't working, but he can go out with his mates drinking? that tells me that he is irresponsible for a start! things only get a lot worse and resentment will build up quickly and then.......KABOOM!!! it will all come to a head. sooooo...before that happens.....sit him down and let him know you're not happy about it. if he thinks you are kidding, let the day go by, dont have dinner ready, leave the housework and let the kids get grubby. alternatively, go away for the weekend, maybe spend time with a friend, give yourself permission to take a break. i warn you, don't let it get any worse....it won't do you any good
2007-09-20 04:20:36 · answer #9 · answered by leolady0765 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not unreasonable. He needs to help you and at least one of you needs to get a job. I wonder how you get by at all.
If he keeps acting the way he does, you're better off without him- go to a shelter if you have to.
2007-09-20 13:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by jimbell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋