I filed a epo (emergency protective order) after I called the cops. he works with my mom which he called her and said he'll see her friday. he works MWF and the incident happen wednesday. It was the first time he hit me, 7th or 8th time, not as serious but he threw me against the table and rammed it into the wall with me on it. Bruised my arm, i had to take pictures with the cops. I feel so angry but when I feel sad I feel bad and guilty about calling the cops. I know my self esteem has deteriorated... the thing is i have class with also. I don't want to talk to him until i have sort things out, i dont tihnk he even cares.. i thought he would be arrested be he just got served with the epo...at his house. So he has to stay away 10ft in class and 100yds for the next 5 days.
DO you think he has learned his lesson?
What should I do?
Advice please.. NOT remarks...
2007-09-19 18:56:07 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
to be more specific about the incident.. he grabbed my hair after I asked him to leave in heated argument .. he didnt look like he was going to leave so i grabbed his backpack and put it outside my house he grabbed me by the hair and arm and threw me against a 500lb table which he rammed into a wall 3ft away. and left. This is the first time I didn't cry when he did it to me, i told him i was gonna call the police, and right when he let go of I called... and he left...
2007-09-19 18:58:13 · update #1
Hey AndreaD are u illiterate? I said advice not remarks.
2007-09-19 19:10:55 · update #2
I'm 19 he's 21, a lot of different factors in it. abuse started a year ago...
2007-09-19 19:21:06 · update #3
You should NEVER put up with an abusive situation. It sounds as if you're rather young, so don't start off your adult years by allowing yourself to be a victim for an abusive man. Stay away from this boy as it will only cause you problems you can't even begin to imagine, that will follow you the rest of your life.
2007-09-19 19:03:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wrong guy, wrong place, wrong time....sorry, 3 wrongs don't make a right.
Safety first....and last, and always...I agree, the EPO is NOT protection.
Change the locks. As another suggested NEVER be alone with the guy...and NEVER be alone period. Maybe even move (I assume you have your own place, renting, not owned...?)
Talk with the school and change classes...avoid all contact with this guy...toxic...no good....sounds like you are more likely for repeat performances rather than change....no sense taking a risk. If they won't let you change class, just drop it...small price to pay for the greater safety you gain. Life is too short to have waste precious seconds in misery and fear. Check with the school about campus police/cadet escorts around campus, especially after dark. Be very, very savvy of your surroundings and avoid dark, dim, unlit and isolated corners and spaces around school. Or consider changing schools all together and discuss the reasons with school officials to negotiate accommodating your request.
Take some self defense classes...talk with other women / counselors on how to deal with abusive men and how to protect yourself from them. There are groups for this...find out if the school has one or can suggest one. Some folks advocate carrying pepper spray...but in some States it requires special training/licensing...and if you don't get it, you might be able to buy it...but carrying it opens you up to concealed weapons charges. But hair spray is an entirely different issue...commonly carried and used by women...and can be effective like pepper spray...but is legal to carry.
Unless you are a special ed teacher, you are NOT responsible for slow learners...and after 5 years with this guy, he doesn't seem to have learned how to respect you and treat you decently.
sure hope you will keep yourself safe and sane. Best wishes.
2007-09-19 19:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by wisdomdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your school counselor or some adult you trust at school needs to be made aware of what's been going on. This guy is dangerous! Get away and stay away from him. Do not put yourself in a position where you have any contact with him alone or otherwise. This is serious and I don't want you to become a statistic. Keep notifying the authorities if you have to someone will eventually get the picture. Be safe!
2007-09-19 19:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by Gabfest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not take him back regardless of how much he tries to apologize. This type of behavior only escalates with every time you take him back. After a while, he thinks that he can do anything to you and you will take him back. Tell him that he needs anger management classes, and that you will not see him again until he finishes them.
I have been there before. It only gets worse. I finally learned that a man who treats a woman like that is either obsessed with her, or is a selfish person that will try to get his way no matter what the cost. Either way, it is not a healthy relationship. That is not respecting you, and love includes respect for each other.
2007-09-19 19:08:33 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What made him snap?
Nooo!
He has not learned his lesson if he harmed you more than once and he didn't stop at that 1st time, right.?.
Stay away for 60 days and then have a set down, put everything on the table and discuss your issues.
I would have a family get together and maybe discuss this since he works w/ your mother and attends classes w/ you and have him there to discuss why he feels the need to harm you in-front of your mother.!.?
2007-09-19 19:10:19 · answer #5 · answered by ctknight9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's happened more than once, so I'd think it's likely to happen again. It's sad when these sorts of things happen, but you have to let go and move on. Find a man who will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve :) Its true, no matter how corny is sounds. heh
2007-09-19 19:03:54 · answer #6 · answered by %$#! :) :) :) !#$% 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first if a guy ever hits you THAN LEAVE.even though you may love him that does not give him the right to abuse you.its not fair to you.Right now i think you have to love yourself enough to leave him.did you see the anger coming out of him that is the true side of him.if he is acting like he does not care then why even think about getting back together with him.NOW your going to have to go to class the next days with bruises on your body given to you by a man that claims to care about you .Your young so your going to get over it but if you stay with him whats going to stop him from seriously hurting you HIS WORD I DON'T THINK SO.
2007-09-19 19:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by kingml213 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this isn't the first time he has abused you. There haven't been any consequences to his actions, what lesson was he supposed to learn? Leave him alone, work on your confidence and self esteem, and don't let a guy abuse you.
2007-09-19 19:06:54 · answer #8 · answered by ctelly22 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him...and in the future...don't spend time around him if you can help it.....
...nothing to sort out....he is not worth your time.....
...the police should have arrested him...maybe there are just too many guys like that already there...they don't have room for more..
...some people are control related...they always want the control...and will sometimes act out in negative ways....
...one guy I dated...for a short time...was nice at first...but as time went on...he didn't like it ...when he couldn't control me...you could see he would get violent given the chance...he even said once he didn't see anything wrong with hitting a girl.....all I can say is...don't let your emotions...and sexual things cloud your other thoughts....the guys who are negative like this...many times...you can see it in them...right away...just have to really see them...as they are...not as we want them to be...which isn't easy...since...it is so hard to find guys to date...so many bad ones...it is like almost...girls try to give any guy a chance..hoping he will turn out to be nicer than he really is...but it doesn't work that way....
...be strong...take care of you and don't think about the guy...just get on with your life....
2007-09-19 19:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by answergirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they do it once, they will do it again.........let him go and move on get over this and take your time, its natural to feel all the feelings you are towards him, No he hasnt learned his lesson, how could he? he didnt go to jail or anything, if he comes near you in class all you have to do is call the police and say his is breaking the PPO...but its not worth it to stay in a abusive relationship to many good men out there
2007-09-19 19:04:07 · answer #10 · answered by switchmistress 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋