bottom line - they HAVE screwed us out of money in the past.. they HAVE screwed my bro-in-law - who they live w/ now - out of money.. they have SEVERE money problems (they can't manage it at all) but they are being kicked out of their apartment w/ my bro-in-law on october 1st, and i feel bad!!
should i make this my problem and talk DH into letting them stay with us for a while?? or do i forget it and let them figure this ish out on their own??
2007-09-19 16:22:15 · 18 answers · asked by idgaf 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Since you already know some "not-so-nice" things about their behavior, I would certainly wait until they asked if they could move in with you. If they do ask to move in with you, I would tell them up front what I expected from them and what I would not tolerate.
2007-09-19 16:41:55 · answer #1 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest to your husband to get his sibs & spouses together & discuss how everyone can help them. They can't manage money and have messed up, but they are still family. Do not have them move in with you - see if everyone (in spite of having been screwed out of $$) can chip in enough to put down one month rent and a security deposit on an apartment for them that might be more affordable for them. Your husband and sibs should then make it crystal clear that this is their chance to get it together & is the last time they will receive financial assistance if they continue to mishandle their money. Also, see if there is a financial counselor who can help them manage their money.
2007-09-20 00:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The cause of their money problems should dictate what you do. If they are gamblers or waste their money, then don't. If they are ill and money is tight because of that or they cannot get jobs, then you might want to consider letting them stay for a small period of time. However be aware that once in, they won't change their behavior, and you might not want to get rid of them. What would they do if you and your husband weren't in a position to help them?
If you have the money, I would find them a small apartment, pay for it for a couple of months and then tell them they are on their own after that and let them be.
2007-09-19 23:34:57 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These people are adults and need to learn that their actions have consequences. However, on the other hand, I ask myself, "what would Jesus do?"
I think the fairest answer would be that you will assist them in finding a new apartment, but not allow them to move in.
They need to learn that their poor management of money is nobody's problem but their own.
If you let them stay for a while, I have a feeling you won't get them out. If you do decide to allow them to stay...make sure that it is understood that they will be out on xyz date. Period. NO EXTENSIONS.
Kindness doesn't mean enabling people to continue with bad habits
2007-09-19 23:37:39 · answer #4 · answered by Deb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your inlaws have a problem, Which means that it isnt yours. It seems like they have ruined your brother inlaw AKA their sons life right along with theirs , he is now homless too. Sometimes you can help people to get back on their feet but they seem like they dont want to do that > im telling you now , that your life will be ruined if you let this happen. You shouldnt feel bad when they are the ones that got themselves into that situation.... People dont change.....Hope that your husband isnt a softie. Set them up with an apointment at your local DHS office and let them get some help there. Good luck
2007-09-19 23:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by Brenda L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are adults- let them figure it out. If your bro-in-law is kicking them out and doesn;t care- why should you? I would go crazy with my in-laws living with me or my own parents for that matter even though I love them all like crazy. Let them figure it out on their own - maybe they will learn how to handle their money better this way. It is like one of those hard lessons in life you had to learn as a child... it is horrible when you have to learn the hard way but you always are better for it in the end and the lesson learned always seems to stick with you
2007-09-19 23:33:45 · answer #6 · answered by hawk 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let them figure it out on their own. They are getting kicked out because of their own bad behavior; the best thing to do for them is let them face the consequences of their actions. Otherwise they will never learn.
LOL Usually it is parents of irresponsible adult children who need this talk, not adult children of irresponsible parents!
2007-09-19 23:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, tough love! Let them fend for them self. They have been enabled to long. They are grown and can manage if they wanted, they choose not to manage. There are jobs every where. It sounds like to me too many people have been screwed over too often. Why welcome them into your home for another round?? Let them grow up!!!!!
2007-09-20 00:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by RT 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, no a thousand times NO....let them figure out their problems on their own....just think, would they be in any hurry to help you if the situation was yours?
I BET NOT !!
2007-09-19 23:41:11 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear_45 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be a grave mistake. You are really asking for troubles. All of their problems are going to be yours and they cause a rift between you and your husband. It would be best to help them find a place for them to live.
Also once they move in it is not going to be easy getting them out. Another way of helping them is keep them in your prayers...God bless
2007-09-19 23:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by tony 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋