What do you do when you are too sick to take care of your children?

Question

I still feel guilty about something that happened last year. My husband was deployed last year and my daughter (18 months at the time) and I got the flu - the real deal. I had a raging fever and was completely delirious. I had to crawl to her and fed her by reaching up into the cupboard and grabbing what I could reach. Looking back she was so ill she should bave been in hospital, but my judgement was completely off. And I could have gone unconscious and no-one would have known she needed help.

So, if you're the sole carer for your children and you get very ill, what options are there when you have no family or friend support? Who should I have called?

Answer 1

I had something like that happen. At the time I had 2 kids in bed upstairs and a new infant 2 weeks old. I had a high fever, chills and couldn't get out of bed to get to the phone. My husband was working 3rd shift. I had people that I COULD call but I just couldn't get out of bed. I laid in bed all night worried that the baby would wake up. I finally crawled to the phone to call my sister who came right over. It was awful.

I think you should try to make friends or acquaintances with a couple of other moms in your neighborhood. Make friends by telling this story! I'm sure they have one of their own to share. Let them know that you just need someone to call in case something like this ever happens again. Any mother with a heart will hand you all of her numbers.

In any other case, it would have been totally appropriate to call 911. That's why they're there. For emergencies. I'm sure people have called in for less!

Answer 2

Don't put guilt on yourself. You're obviously a mom that is concerned for the well being of her daughter. A lot of mothers out there would not have made half the effort you made to take care of your child. You said it yourself, you were delirious. Your judgement was off because of that. If you had not been delirious, you would have been able to make better decisions. You didn't give up though. You kept going even when your body told you to quit and rest; all of this for the well-being of your little girl.
I've always had someone to help me out. I'll try to think of some places you could contact. You could try some of the suggestions if they are in the town you live in. Try calling: your local WIC (Women, Infant & Children) office, or a women's shelter for single moms who're having troubles.
I asked my husband for input,and he said get a friend or a man around your house. I told him that being a single mom makes it even harder for someone to make friends or a boyfriend because of the fact that you do have a child.
If your illness and your daughter's illness was really as bad as you say it was, then you should have called 911, or crawled to the nearest neighbor or person so they help you seek proper medical attention.
You and your daughter are alive now, and that's all that counts. Put that event behind you and just make sure you're prepared for that type of situation if it happens again.
Good luck!

Answer 3

it might be a good idea for you to build a network of friends in a similar situation so that you have people to rely on. Try joining a playgroup or getting to know mums at your local daycare. If you are away from family maybe you could find a "granny" for your daughter - an elderly lady who is also separated from her own family. This is not just for when you are sick but also so that you can get a little time out for yourself - go for a coffee, get a haircut, even just stay at home alone and have a shower, read a book or watch a movie without the distraction of a toddler,. I'm sure once you make the first step it won't be long before you have a whole group of people you can call on.

Answer 4

Wow! That is a tough situation to be in.
It's good that you can look back and learn.

I would say that NOW that you are of sound mind and body you should create that network of support now, just for that reason if not for so many others.

One thought is to join a church. Now, I am no religious fanatic, however, any kind of church (go non-denominational if you want) is a community. Normally there are mommy groups, child care, etc... Just go, meet people, go to the coffee social, look on the bulletin board for anything that might interest you. Drop in on those things, exchange phone numbers. At least the number of the pastor who could help or find help in that kind of situation.

Another thought is to get to know the people in your neighborhood. Or the military usually has some kind of support for the family of those deployed.

As I said, now that you are well, go get that support! Have at least someone you can call in an emergency!

Good luck!

Answer 5

If you are living on base or even off base there should be programs established for the spouses of military personel who have been deployed. My husband mentioned one program called army/navy relief. Also any of the military chaplains would have been able to help you out.
Next time call the operator for the military base and they can get you the names of different support programs that can help you out and then keep those numbers handy by the phone.
Also if you happen to live off base there is bound to be plenty of retiree families that live nearby that would be more then willing to help out with that kind of problem. I'm about 50 miles out from the nearer military bases but we still have multiple older (grandparent age) retirees that are nearby. I don't relate all that well with them but my husband(navy-medically retired) are close due to the military bond. If I ever had any problem they would step up even though we don't really know each other.
You did all that you could at the time and you did just fine.
Also I would check out your local public health website and also I know in washington state the DSHS website has plenty of information available and even have public health care nurses that can come check on you if something like this happens again.
The best thing you can do at this point is prepare for it happening again. We're going back into cold and flu season and it's easier to know ahead of time who to call then when you are miserably sick.

Answer 6

This has happened to my husband and I 2 years in a row. We both get the raging flu at the same time and of course I have to take care of our baby. I just threw the futon mattress on the floor in the living room and just layed there all day. I played with her when I could. She slept when I did, thank goodness. I did the same thing with food, I fed her whatever I could reach and didn't make me vomit.

Looking back, my immediate family was out of town for a funeral and I was tempted to call some people. I was going to call a woman from a church/town who is also a neighbor to my brother who lives nearby to help us. Also I considered asking my mothers friend for help.

Answer 7

I guess you would have to get yourselves to a hospital or something - poor thing. Or get a doctor that could come out to your house.
I think all the time when I am ill, that I am lucky my hubby can either come home from work or I have my mother or mother in law who I could call on. My brother and wife also live about 5 minutes down the road.
The other thing maybe is try and find a babysitter & get to trust them, so that maybe if you ever find yourself stuck again you could ring them.
Poor love - If I was your friend I would help you ;-)

Answer 8

Create a co-op with other parents in the military that you can call on. Winter 2005/2006 my son and I were sick off and on for 2 months with sinus infections, colds. I got the flu one day and I called my husband and had him come home early from work, but in your situation that won't work. Once when my son was an infant I got the flu and luckily my mother in law lives next door (Yes, I DO get along with her) so she took my son next door to take care of him until my husband got home from work.
I just wanted to add that you should make sureto get flu shots for yourself and your daughter this Fall.

Answer 9

That's tuff :( Maybe you should get out there and meet friends and other parents, so next time at least you will have someone to call. If you were that sick could you not have called a family member to come out and stay with you until you were some what stable??/ Good luck!!!

Answer 10

This is a tough sitiuation. i feel for you. Some ideas:
1. Call your base support person
2. Call your church
3. Call your neighbor

And to stop this from happening again, be pro-active. Develop some relationships, whether it is other military wives, thorugh church, whatever