its true :]]]
2007-09-19 14:22:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Q) What's the diffreance between Miachel Jackson and a shooping bag?
A) One's white, plastic and dangerous to children, the other holds groceries!
Q) Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
A) The capitan was standing on the deck!
Q) Why is pirating so addicting?
A) After you lose a hand, you get HOOKED!
Q) Why did the lemon stop in the middle of the road?
A) It ran out of juice!
A
And the best for last!
Q) What do you call a scardy hen?
A) Chicken!
2007-09-19 14:43:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A new salesman was just hired and the manager wanted to teach him how to boost sales by suggestion selling, which he said is when a customer comes in to the store to buy an item and a good salesman can "suggest" he buy more items. He asks the top salesman Bob, what the last customer bought. Bob said "A fishing rod, reel, assorted lures, assorted hooks, and a tackle box." "Great, what item did he come into the store to buy?" said the manager. "A box of tampons" said Bob. "A box of tampons?" said the manager. Bob said "Well he came in and asked for a box oftampons for his wife, and I said Well looks like your weekend is shot, why don't you go fishing?"
2007-09-19 22:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Limestoner62 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There were a couple of monks who decided to open a flower shop. They just happened to be right across the street from the only other florist in town, Bob's Flowers. Well Bob didn't like the two monks taking away all his business, so he hired a goon by the name of Hugh McGruff to rough them up a little and persuade them to close their shop. Not wanting to cause any trouble, the two monks gave in to the pressure and closed their shop. Which just goes to show you that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
2007-09-19 21:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by Popcorn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator.
2007-09-19 21:28:44 · answer #4 · answered by ♥butter_fly♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hm...ok i know one that is pretty funny. so this guy named jeff walks into his apartment and he hears something out on the deck. so he goes out there and sees a guy hanging from it. assuming he is a burgalur, jeff stomps on the guys fingers until he falls to the ground, but the guy doesnt die. so jeff goes and gets his fridge and drops it on the guy. then jeff has a heart attack and dies. so up in heaven, there are three guys waiting to get into heaven, but only one room. so st. peter says "ok guys. i am gonna ask each of you how you died, and the best answer will get the room." he asks the first guy how he dies. "well i was hang gliding and i crashed into this guys deck and he stomps on my fingers until i fall, then he drops his fridge on me!" then st. peter said "that is a pretty good story. u might get the room." the next guy then told his story "well...after i dropped my fridge on him, i had a heart attack and died." then st. peter said "well that is a pretty good story too. lets hear the last guy's story." the third guy looks around sheepishly and says "well...i was robbing this guy here and i heard him coming in, so i hid in the fridge." :)
2007-09-19 21:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, these are all good jokes. I can only add one to them.
If carrots are so good for eyesight, why do you see so many dead rabbits on the roads?
2007-09-19 22:00:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jackolantern 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat chick in my car?"
2007-09-19 21:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by nothing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋