pretended to be out said we are having guests and he still comes round. If we're not in at 6.30 he comes at 8pm. I tried to get him to break this habit, by going to his house at 5 pm but he still turns up at 6.30. My mum passed away 2 yr ago, so I try to understand his lonliness and visit him 3 -4 times a week, often staying a few hours to keep him company.
I have told him to go to night school, fishing or any other hobby he would enjoy, or even get a new partner but he refuses, saying he likes to visit me & my hubby at night.
The thing is he tries to cause trouble by pulling me apart to my hubby and my hubby apart to me. We took him on holiday with us earlier this year and he made us go to the room after the evening meal so the three of us could have a drink before bed on the balcony so our bedtime was 9pm We couldn't sneak out after that because he made us get up at 6.30 am for brekkie. I'm 47 and still scared to disobey or hurt him. What can I do. My dad is very fit and very sane
2007-09-19 13:59:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would have to sit PoP down and give him some explaining. First, this isn't healthy for your marriage, you two kids (hubby and you) need to have some time to yourselves. Plus, you have explained he is somewhat destructive in his behavior. Causing trouble for his daughter and hubby isn't my idea of good parenting. You don't won't to disobey? What the heck is that all about. Your allegiance is to your husband. Is sounds like "daddy" is exploiting the loss of Mom, and is using this tragedy to get wedged between his daughter and her husband. He may envy you. He needs to turn the page, and the only way he'll do that if you quit fostering this poor intrusive over bearing behavior. If it's in the budget spring for a cruise for the old buck. A solo cruise for widows/singles his own age. Research this on line, I know they exist. Tell him that you need 3 or 4 days a week to yourselves. He'll now move on. Good Luck kid!
2007-09-19 14:13:49 · answer #1 · answered by logicboy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're 47? Honey, GROW UP and grow a spine while you're at it. No one can take advantage of you without your permission -- even your father. If you're visiting him 3-4 times a week for hours at a time, and he is still coming around each evening, that is WAY too much intrusion on your personal time with your husband. I cannot believe you allowed your father to dictate your bedtime on YOUR holiday! Was he always this controlling?
Sit down and *tell* him that you and your husband need more privacy -- that you are both busy during the day, and the evening is the only time you have together. Suggest that he come over only on certain evenings -- say, Sunday and Thursday, whatever's convenient. And next time he comes to dinner, invite a nice widow-lady to dinner, too. :-)
It's YOUR house, sweetie. "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it." You ARE going to hurt his feelings, there's no help for it. He's using you as a substitute for your mum's companionship, but you have a husband of your own that needs and deserves your attention, just like your mum gave him.
2007-09-19 21:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I almost felt reading your question that it was a joke. You know how some people do that on this site? You are so disrespecting your husband it is not funny. What about your husbands feelings? You are scared to hurt your father but meanwhile your husband is having his home compromised. Have you ever heard of not answering your door? of not answering the phone? Or changing your locks. You will be in the same position as your father some day. Would YOU do that to your child? I doubt it. You and your husband have to have a plan to change this situation. You cannot make your father do anything but you CAN do something yourselves. Better do it while you still have a marriage.
2007-09-19 22:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
janiesheron had the best answer. My MIL did the same after FIL passed away. No amount of hinting or direct conversation would stop her. We finally told her that if she wanted another grandchild, she had to give us time alone. She still kept coming. So one night when she showed up, I met at the door naked. My wife was naked on the couch. We told her there were certain days of the month to conceive a child and this was one of them. So we were having "Naked Television Night." If she wanted to stay, she had to get naked too. She left, and cut her visits to once per week. It was embarrassing, but we had to do something drastic. But when she stopped coming over, she found new things to do and made new friends. BTW she also got a new granddaughter approx a year later.
2007-09-19 21:37:37 · answer #4 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
All this seems to be about you and your dad, you mention your "hubby" as an after thought, what does he say about all this? if as you say your dad is very sane then I think it's you that is the problem, stop seeing yourself as the little girl in all this, talk to your father tell him how you feel and if he's as sane as you think he is then he will understand, if his behaviour continues then he needs professional help, I think you need to take charge of the situation, no disrespect intended but it sounds like your father is not so much fit and sane but more like insecure, good luck.
Ray West York's. U.K.
2007-09-19 21:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
YOU need to cut the ties that bind. Take him places where other singles his age hang out so he can find himself a girlfriend. Set him up, if you have to. When he comes over put him to work doing helpful things around the house, like fixing something. Make a nuisance of yourself and he'll back off. LOL. Otherwise, try the adult, mature tact of telling him to find someone his own age to pick on!! :)
2007-09-19 21:08:32 · answer #6 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe your parents had a nightly ritual at 6:30 and now that she's gone, he comes to see you in order to fill the gap of special time that he once had with your mum. help him find a new social activity (like bingo - older single ladies like that, right?). Then talk to him.
2007-09-19 23:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by myfroggies3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There you go my Love, you are 47, married and need to break it gently to Daddy that he needs to either stay away or stop trying to run your life. You are far too old for that game any longer and as long as you empower him he will do it.
Grit your teeth and remember be gentle.
2007-09-19 23:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by Caleb F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be firm........ tell your Dad that you have a life, with your husband... and that you know he misses you mom, but you have to go on with your life, and sometimes that doesnt include him......... you are not being mean......... but you have to tell him this...... and you cant be MADE to do anything you dont want to do.......put your foot down... keep visiting him , but please get him to make new friends........ I know he misses your mom, but your life is suffering......... you just have to be firm..... tell him you love him, but your family has to come first.........
2007-09-19 21:10:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your dad visit you whenever he wishes. The guy is lonely and needs company. Be very kind to him, and talk it over with your husband. Your Dad needs love and understanding. Be patient, and eventually he'll more than likely find new friends.
2007-09-19 21:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋