when we are argueing and annoyed with each other I want to be alone so I can cool down, but he wants to talk about it then and there. then If I leave he get more annoyed cos I left , but I need to cool off by my own. how can we come to a conclusion? I can talk to him after I cool down..
2007-09-19 12:59:40 · 11 answers · asked by lmhyde85 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just let him know that you need a cool down period so that you can collect your thoughts before you speak. That way you are not saying something that comes out wrong or mean because of your anger. Tell him that you are not thinking about leaving him when you cool down but it is just the opposite. Let him know that the reason that you do this is because you love him and do not want to say something stupid or make him feel bad. Also tell him that as soon as you are cooled down you will come to him to discuss things calmly and rationally. He should understand that.
2007-09-19 13:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 'silent treatment' solves very few problems. Anger control is important in any relationship (its best not to get angry to begin with). If you really can't control your anger then you have to say exactly that: "I'm too angry to talk right now. I want to talk about it but I need to calm down first" (or something along those lines)
Communication is always at the center of conflict resolution. Tell him that you care about resolving the problem. Maybe you could talk about conflict resolution before there are any problems so that small things don't get blown out of proportion.
This is a case where having a strategy and being pro-active (ie - acting BEFORE the problem) can be helpful.
2007-09-19 13:04:06 · answer #2 · answered by megalomaniac 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my boyfriend. After a big fight, I calmly tell him that I will be back in 2 hours. I go and grab a coffee, read, scream...whatever. Then, I come back and we talk things through. He understands that whatever comes out of my mouth five seconds after a fight is almost never how I really feel.
2007-09-19 13:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by daised4peace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you need to cool down, don't wait as long as you want and don't discuss it as soon as he wants, agree on a time to talk about your issue, and don't wait longer than a day.
2007-09-19 13:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mythical Tales 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both need to understand the opposite sex a little better. Pick up a book like "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". You both should read it!!
2007-09-19 13:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by Wes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not stop arguing in the first place? what's so important that it's worth fighting about to the point that you need to cool off?maybe try to figure out what causes the riffs and agree to disagree.
2007-09-19 13:03:44 · answer #6 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what works for some, would not paintings for others. the faster you hit upon out and preserve it, the happier you would be. specific, there is the stable, silent form--who will sit down around the room from you, oblivious to in spite of in case you like him or no longer. do you like that? surprisingly, your boy pal feels like me spouse. So, no longer all adult men are as you describe. i visit shelter the female merely because of the fact the main Macho guy might, yet i'm comfortable too. i decide to cuddle, to speak greater effective than the rest, to proportion, to love, to be close to--i think of this is named being "sweethearts," on a similar time as the different is greater like being "roommates." Which one do you like. the only answer to the question is to inform him, see what he does. If he would not decide to be close to you, to hearken to you, to attempt to comprehend what you assert, there are different adult men who will. enable him comprehend it. And as stressful or difficulty-free because it is, stick by employing your weapons.
2016-10-09 12:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have this EXACT issue...
I'd rather walk away/go to the bathroom... ANYTHING
But he freaks out like we're breaking up...
I told my bf that if I don't get to walk away the issue gets bigger and I get crowded...
So tell him that if he wants it last you need space!
He obviously doesn't understand you so explain to him they way you need it to be...
DON'T BACK DOWN!
2007-09-19 13:06:35 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you feel better if you're by yourself and talking about it doesn't help you.
2007-09-19 13:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by All That Jazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion it's better to talk things out it always worked for me and my past bf's
2007-09-19 13:02:29 · answer #10 · answered by goodies make the boys jump on it 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋