my parents split up last year. I live with my mom and my dad lives in a apartment 5 minutes from me. Here is the problem. I don't visit my dad that much as he wants me to. I visit him once every week. And he's been complaining about everything mostly. Like last week I went to a football game with my friend and his parents and we were going to meet some friends there. I guess he was there to and he started saying why didn't you ask me to take you and he just complains that I don't say anything to him anymore and its driveing me crazy Its makes me feel like a bad son. I don't know what to do I'm a 14 years old my mom know about it but i need to hear something from some one else.
2007-09-19 12:37:26 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Jeez, you have a dad who cares and he has a son who doesn't. How sad is that? You are being selfish and unkind to your dad. He divorced your mom, not you. You really need to include him in your life more. There will come a time when you want him there for you and he won't be there because he'll think you don't want him around. Then you'll wonder why he's never around. Go see your dad for dinner a couple times a week, he's five minutes away so he could have time with you and continue to help raise you. Think about someone besides yourself for a change, eh?
2007-09-19 12:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by gma 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, that's complicated.
Okay, I know you're 14, and that means that you are changing and you want more freedom and you are pulling away from both of your parents.
I also know how unpleasant it is to be around someone who complains all the time even if you do love him. Is he inviting you to do things? Or is he expecting you to make all the overtures? If he is, then that's a little odd. If he was going to the game, then why didn't he invite you? You are only 14, and it isn't your entire responsibility or job to set up plans with you father. You father may be depressed and might need to see someone, like a doctor, because of that. Does your father have any close friends, sisters or brothers you can bring this up to?
I do think you should make and effort to see him more. It's obvious that he wants to stay in your life, and that makes you lucky. Maybe you can do something together that doesn't require talking, like watching sports on TV or seeing a movie. Also, maybe once or twice a week give him a call. tell him that you are taking a break from homework so you can't talk long (or something to that effect) and that you just wanted to say hi.
If he keeps up the complaining, then you have to talk to him. Calmly and respectfully explain that you would like to hang out more with him, but his negative attitude upsets you and that is why you have been avoiding him. If you don't feel comfortable telling him yourself, then try to have an aunt, uncle or a friend of his that you trust speak to him on your behalf. It's not fair for him to complain about everything to you. You aren't his confidant, you are his child.
Good luck!
2007-09-19 20:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your dad may be worried that the split up between him and your mom has driven a wedge in your relationship with him. You didn't really say how you feel about the split up or your dad because of it. If you are avoiding your dad due to anger about this issue then I think it would be best that you respectfully express how you feel so the two of you can work it out.
However, if you are just going through the typical, "I don't have parents syndrome", that teenagers seem to get at your age then simply explain this to him. Once he knows it's just a phase you are going through rather than actually losing you he will be more understanding and complain less. He's just insecure about the status of your relationship with him.
2007-09-19 22:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by Lwood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arrange a day of the week that you and your Dad claim as "our time together. I would do it on a Sunday...where maybe you two can go somewhere instead of hanging in the house. During the week you plan a night to go and do your homework. When its done, go home. Maybe even surprise him every so often by asking if it would be alright to bring a friend over with this really good movie to watch with him! Tell him he's in charge of the food!
2007-09-19 20:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by nancie_usa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think your dad has a point. why didn't you ask him to the game? it would've been a nice outing for the two of you. sounds like he misses you alot and is a bit worried that you're forgetting about him. i know you're young but, you need to make more of an effort to spend time wth your dad. he's the only one you'll get and he won't be around forever.
2007-09-19 20:08:02 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he probably feels that by divorcing his wife he has also divorced his son but at your age its completely normal to not want to hang out with him because what healthy 14yr old wants to hang out with their parents?
2007-09-19 19:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋