Have I exposed my daughter to too much drama?

Question

I feel sad because my 15 year old daughter has to witness too much drama. She was living with her father from age 10 to 15.

She now lives with me and my parents and I am moving out this weekend.

She has had to adjust to a new school, state and living environment and now will have to adjust again.

She also has to deal with my problems with my mother who is emotionally immature and my father is very aggressive and dominating like my ex-husband.

I feel bad because she has not had a "normal" childhood with both parents working together for the good of the house and family.

My ex-husband wanted us to reunite as a family, but I could not go back to his controlling and manipulative ways and for that reason my child has to suffer?

Answer 1

I've told you before that you were right to leave your husband -- you shouldn't feel guilty for getting away from a verbally-abusive and controlling husband. You did exactly what you needed to do to make a better life for yourself. That's the first issue.

The second is this -- one in two marriages today end in divorce. That's 50% of all marriages, which means that the children produced by HALF of America's marriages are going through the same thing as your daughter. Even children who have both of their parents living under one roof "suffer" sometimes in one way or another. There is no such thing as a "normal" childhood.

Your daughter is 15, honey. She might act out or show a range of emotions right now because of the changing situation, but one day she will understand why you left her father, and why things happened as they did in both of your lives. For now though, keep communicating with her. Even if she yells or fights with you, she'll come around in time.

Have heart, and cheer up. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. And if you ever need an ear to listen, send me a message.

Answer 2

Sometimes "drama" makes us stronger. I was catered to and sheltered as a child and the real world scared me and took a lot of adjusting. I promised I would never do that to my kids. I went to the same school from Kindergarten through graduation and my children have attended 3 different schools and one of them is 14 and the other is 10. When we move and they have to go to another school I tell them that it is an opportunity to make new friends, that not many other kids can say that they have friends in several different cities.

If you love your child and do the best you can then your child will know that. Don't beat yourself up for what you haven't done. Everything builds character and makes us stronger. Chances are your daughter will end up wise beyond her years and that will probably save her from a lot of termoil in her later life that other sheltered kids don't know how to recognize.

You need to be confident in your parenting or it will work against you, kids will see weakness and they will manipulate, so make sure you have the confidence in you that you are doing the best you can and that things will only improve in her life and yours from here on out.

Answer 3

I don't think there is a "normal" definition for "normal" these days. With all the divorced, single parents out there, it is a different world for our children.
You are doing what you need to do for your daughter and yourself. In the long run, you daughter will look back and think it took a wonderful, selfless mom to do what you have done.
Stop beating yourself up and doubting yourself over situations you cannot control. Make the best out of the situations you can control. And don't worry too much about your daughter. She is loved and safe and secure and taken care of!

Answer 4

Talk to your daughter. Take a weekend, or even a friday night to get out of the house. Talk to her about the situation and explain why this has been on your mind.
You are being a great parent. Every family has its problems, and this is just yours. Be involved in her life, and let her know that she can come to you with anything thats bothering her.

It'll all work out!

Answer 5

My mom was in several relationships, some abusive. I got beaten by one of her ex-husbands when I was 7 and I've moved around quite a bit. I, at almost 18, now live with my older sister because I couldn't continue living with my mom's current husband. I think that as long as you are supportive and guiding for your daughter, she will be alright. She might have problems she'll have deal with later in life, but probably nothing a little time won't heal. This much I can tell you for sure: she'll be stronger for it in the long-run. I am.

Answer 6

Hey, none of us have had perfect families. I would be more worried that my daughter think it proper to allow herself to be manipulated, which is what would have happened had you allowed yourself to stay in such a situation. Your child has to suffer because she's human, and because her of her father's problems.

15 year olds are very good at creating drama for themselves. And she spent from 10-15 living with a Master. I think she may be making you feel more guilty than you should.

Congratulations on being able to move out.

Answer 7

i think of all sons and daughters conflict by way of some thing like this (i'm no longer likely to get all Freudian on you) yet she seems to be taking it on a touch severe point. For some reason or yet another she is disgusted by employing the act of you 2 slumbering mutually and being undressed, easily being husband and spouse. it is achievable that she observed some thing she wouldn't have (perhaps on a action picture, at a chum's abode or walked in on you 2 once you probably did no longer comprehend it) and that's how she is reacting. i might sit down her down and ask her straight away why this bothers her plenty. additionally, clarify to her that mommies and daddies are meant to proportion a room mutually and which you 2 are adults and are entitled to non-public time. in step with threat it would be much less stressful in the journey that your spouse pronounced this count number along with her in that it perhaps much less stressful to communicate with somebody of the comparable intercourse. i might additionally instruct her the magnitude of privateness and how it is courteous to knock on a closed door (instruct her this by employing you knocking on her mattress room door as nicely). i does no longer difficulty too plenty, that's largely a piece and he or she gets over it. till then, do no longer go into reverse and remember, consistency is fundamental with infants.

Answer 8

Yes, that is way too much drama for anyone. However, as long as she understands that you regret the situation she will be okay. If you, yourself, are a stable balanced person then at least she can count on you as a constant in her life.

Answer 9

That is a lot of drama but there's nothing you can do about it now, at least you are moving out. Try talking to her about this.

Answer 10

It IS sad. But, you can't do anything about what has passed.

Keep in contact with her, talk to her, give her the opportunity to vent. If she's mature enough, you can even tell her you're sorry she has gone through so much.

There is some damage there, no doubt. But she CAN overcome her past with your continued love and support.