My MIL recently had suicidal ideation while out of state at my sister-in-laws place. They seeked her medical attention then returned her back to our town thinking that the big time change and relocation had triggered the problem. In the past prior to her visit to my SIL's she would babysit our 14 month old once a week. It saved us a 1 day payment for daycare. Now that she has returned I honestly cannot leave my child with her while I work and now it has brought up a fight between my husband and I. He thinks I think his mom is "crazy" and he won't speak to me, he thinks his mom will never act up again, and for the life of me I am not comfortable leaving our baby with her. What can I do?? I'm lost and I don't know how to fix this situation b/t me and my hubby? Do I have a right to feel how I feel??
2007-09-19 09:04:20 · 10 answers · asked by Nickname 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
in a fight between your husband feeling and your childs needs, the child wins hands down. you mother has a psycotic break!! The last thing she needs to do right now is have the stress of babysitting. Is your husband thinking about her needs, or just the money. Talk to you mom in law, let her know that you love her but you don;t want to overstress her right now. When she feels like she can handle some time with the baby she can start out with a few hrs at a time, and then work back up to full day care. Part of her recovery is in your hands, but you can not rush it, and neither can your hubby. He can;t sweep a suicide attempt under the carpet and claim everything is back to normal.
2007-09-19 09:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by parental unit 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not in your MIL or childs best interests to be left in MIL's care. Your husband needs to realize this. If he won't listen to you he can talk to a professional therapist, your child's pediatrician, or child protective services. All of them will tell you the same, and you may need to have back up on this one. Absolutely do not leave your child in her care. In fact, MIL's psycologist can write her a note or letter of recommendation when MIL's doctor feels that she is stable enough again to babysit. It is not an opinion, it is a medical condition, let the pro's help you out. Good luck, and I am sorry for what you are going through- very tough.
2007-09-19 09:14:37 · answer #2 · answered by quirky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too would be concerned about leaving my child w/ someone who may or may not try to commit suicide. What if she is hearing voices? What if she does something to harm herself while your child is there? This could be a very dangerous situation. You need to tell your husband exactly how you feel. Don't imply that his mom is crazy, tell him that you are concerned about your child's surroundings and you are trying to protect him/her from the possibility of harm. Are there any suicide hot lines that offer support for cases like this? Call around and see what's available. Just recently a former employer of mine committed suicide w/ a gun. Can you imagine if his children would have been home? What if he shot them too? Trust your motherly instincts, if it doesn't feel right, then don't do it!!! Find another sitter and don't let your husband change your mind. Be pleasant but make him understand.
2007-09-19 09:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you absolutely do. If you are not 100% comfortable leaving your child do not. Mothers have intuition for a reason. I would not leave my child with her either.
A person who truly wants to kill themselves does. A person who has problems and needs attention threatens.
My mother attempted suicide when I was 11 and it was horrible, she was mentally unstable for a while after that. Who knows if she will feel overwhelmed, by the time they actually try they are not in the state of mind where they should be taking care of a child, period.
Stand your ground on this, his mother is unstable if she threatened suicide whether he believes it or not.
I also agree with the others, it is fine if she sees the baby just not alone. Truth is she needs help, not for it to be ignored. Most of the time those feelings do not go away.
2007-09-19 09:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes yes and yes. Do not leave your child with her....your husband cannot see clearly because he's distressed about his Mom....it's not that she's crazy but she's had a bad experience....if she's had a heart attack he would not feel that it was ok to leave the child with her....well this is similar....it's a "warning" a sign that she needs to make some changes in her lifs....looking after a baby is not a good thing right now....for her or the baby. Get a docs opinion and that may help husband understand.
2007-09-19 09:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely have a right to feel how you feel. You aren't saying you're right, or your husband is wrong.
Maybe what might help is if you discuss this with your MIL about your fears and find out what treatment she's getting and how she feels about things. Suicide ideation is not acting, just the ideation. She probably, with good help, is fine and could take care of your child well at this point.
2007-09-19 09:14:02 · answer #6 · answered by Ethel 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You must trust your instinct. People travel all the time and do not neccessarily think about suicide. Have her seek help before she is left alone with your child. Tell your husband you love him, her and your child and that it won't hurt her to talk to someone prior to the baby being left with her. vist with her andhave her visit with you and your hubby and baby. But alone, with the baby? No, not now.
2007-09-19 09:14:03 · answer #7 · answered by smileytexas 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont care whos mother she is. I wouldnt leave my child with someone who is not emotionally stable. Your husband needs to realize that its not his mothers feelings that are most important here, it's the safety of his child.
2007-09-19 09:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by Denise Perez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, you do have a right to feel this way and i wouldn't leave my son with ANYONE who tried to commit suicide!!!
ask him to envision this:
his son is at MIL's house.
MIL decides to try it again and takes a bunch of pills....
she is knocked out on the floor....
baby is screaming, hungry, scared, tired, all alone....
does he want that to happen?
or worse...she takes pills and doesn't take all of them, baby picks em up and takes them....soon baby is ill or worse...dead.
he needs to wake up and realize that that is NOT a safe environment....i'm not saying baby should not be around MIL at all...just not alone with her....or at least, alone all day.....
he needs to come out of his shock. that has to be hard for him to deal with, but no excuse to put his son's life in danger.
2007-09-19 09:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by joey322 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She won't commit suicide while watching your baby. Suicidal people do it when they're alone. Strike a bargain; if she agrees to see a therapist on a weekly basis or until she's released from the therapist's care, she can continue to watch the baby. If she's seeking help for her problem, then she's good to go. If you take the baby away from her, she's going to feel even worse about herself and will be more likely to try something to harm herself. Let her watch the baby as long as she seeks help. She won't harm your baby or herself while watching him.
2007-09-19 09:12:47 · answer #10 · answered by Sit'nTeach'nNanny 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋